The Chinese Prisoner
by regertz
Summary: Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…
1. Chapter 1

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part I…

"Come on, Howard…" Leonard urged…

"Do, oh do!…By the way is the seat sufficiently comfortable?...We can go and buy a better one tomorrow if you wish…" Sheldon, eagerly…

Howard Wolowitz gracing my spot…Another picture, Amy…He urged Amy who nodded and snapped….

Umnn…

"Oh, look…A blush…This I've got to get for my neurology study on physiological effects of societal acclaim…" Amy noted, snapping… "With the monkeys we have the selected hero or heroine pulled in a cart and showered with bananas and raisins while the crowd is pleasure-center stimulated to adore him or her…" she eyed Sheldon's worshipful look…

Hmmn…Guess we got it about right…

"Guys…You're embarrassing him…" Bernadette cut in…Taking a sheepish Howard's hand…

"Aw, Howard…We don't mean to…" Leonard, apologetically… "It's just we love hearing you tell the story…"

Oh, yeah…Raj, in chair, sighed…

"It's probably because it's all fake…Right, Howard…?" Penny next to Leonard, reaching for dumplings from the living room table… "The government did it as a publicity stunt for space stuff, right?...I saw a guy say so on You Tube right after he showed the moon landing was faked…"

"What?...Penny…" Leonard frowned… "'You Tube'?...Morons deny the earth is round on that…And 'faked the moon landing'…?"

"Come on, Leonard…Don't be so naïve…" she insisted… "I mean what do you want to believe…That our Howard single-handedly rescued a Chinese astronaut from certain death and put his life on the line or that the government bullied him into going along with a stunt…Maybe he didn't even leave the ground…"

"Penny…I resent that…" Bernadette rose…Fists clenched… "You've been saying things like that ever since Howard returned…"

"Now girls…" Howard sighed… "Penny, it did happen…But it's no big deal…I was the guy who knew how to adapt the ion thruster to get our Soyuz capsule into an intercept orbit…"

"Howard…" Leonard shook his head… "Everyone on Earth saw you leave the Soyuz, propel yourself over to Ms. Peng's ship…When they couldn't get the capsule to open and that flange broke while you were trying to force it and she was unconscious inside and everyone watching saw the piece tear your suit cuff…Howard, you nearly died out there saving that lady…"

"I want an apology first…Penny?..." Bernadette glared…

"Sure, fine, whatever…Sorry…" she shrugged…

"There…We're all better now…" Howard, urging a still annoyed Bernadette back to her seat…She shaking her head…

"Bestie, while there's a laudable independence in your refusal to go with the idolizing masses…" Amy sighed… "You are rejecting factual sources from multiple points in favor of hearsay and even anti-semitic hatemongering…"

"I'm sorry…Can we leave it at that?..." Penny frowned…

"Sorry you people can be taken in so easy…" she mumbled…

"I heard that!..." Bernadette fumed…

"I'm fine…We're good…Please…" Howard put up a hand…

"Penny, the President cited Howard's courage…" Leonard sighed... "Thirty thousand Chinese school children spelled out "Thank You Howard !" in English and Chinese so he could see it from space…"

"Fine…" Penny put up a hand… "I'll say no more…Nice job, Howard…Sorry if I rained on your…Latest parade…"

"He had me at blast-off…" Sheldon noted… "All the rest was icing on the space cake…"

"Me too…" Raj sighed…

"Oh, guys…Look, it was simple…I duct taped the cuff before I lost any real air…And Mike was guiding me from the station…It was a team effort…Guys, it's not a big deal…Can't we just have a nice old-fashioned dinner and game night together?...It's the first time we've managed not to have reporters banging away…" Howard, urgent…

"Not to mention…" Bernadette, hesistant…

"Thank goodness for that Secret Service protection…You know they even agreed to look into my complaint about my stolen ostrich Glen that was never returned by that worthless Internet thief…" Sheldon noted…

Leonard taking advantage of the moment…

"Why do you keep riding Howard like that?...Penny, you know it's all true…" he hissed…

Eh…She frowned, waving… "Look, I apologized…If you want me to go, fine…" she hissed back…

"I just don't understand why you keep doing this?...Are you mad at me because Howard's the big hero?...Is that what this is?..."

"Whatever you need to believe, sweetie…" she frowned… "We all know how shallow Penelope is…Naturally I'd be ready to dump you 'cause another guy got all the glory…"

"Fine…Lets talk about it later…" he sighed…

Oh, God…She thought…Oh, God…

How can I be so shallow?...

"Ok, I've given you the story…" Howard noted… "Can we just try and get back to normal?..."

"That's not a story…A legendary feat like yours deserves an epic retelling…With a bard and minstrel singing your praises…" Sheldon, insistent… "And to that effect…Amy?..."

Oh, boy…She beamed…Scurrying to Sheldon's room…

Oh, no…Howard sighed…

The group collectively sighing as Amy returned, dragging harp and carrying sheets and a bag which she tossed to Sheldon…He pulling out two cloaks and caps, one of each he handed to her…

"Guys…" Howard…Shaking head… "This is all very…"

"I am the Muse…Ohhhh…Oh…Oh…Oh…" Sheldon, in costume began, an eager Amy plucking strings… "That doth sing to you the story…Ohhhh…Oh…Oh…Oh… Of the noble Howard of Pasadena… Ohhhh…Oh…Oh…Oh…Who rose to the Heavens in a 1960s designed, leaky Soyuz spacecraft…Ohhh…Oh…Oh…Oh…Oh…"

Oy vey…Howard sighed…

Whatever happened to the Sheldon who despised me?…And who'd've ever believed I'd want him back…?

"Ohhhh…Oh…Oh…Oh…"

"….OH…" Sheldon and Amy in chorus on the last…


	2. Chapter 2

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part II…

"Amy…Amy…Amy…"

Amy opened the door to her apartment with a rush…Calm stare…

"Hello, bestie…"

"Sorry, Amy…I think I've picked up bad habits from…" apologetically…

"Hello, Penny…" Sheldon rose from the sofa…

"Oh…Hey, Sheldon…" she waved…

Lovely…They would have to have moved on in their relationship…

"Sheldon…I think my bestie is here for girl talk…Please take a rain check on our cuddling and go home or perhaps to the comic book store and return in one hour…"Amy, calmly…

"Really?...No, that's ok…" Penny put up a hand…

"For me, Moonpie…" Amy eyed him…

Penny staring…My God…

"Only for my sweetmess Amy…" he nodded… "One hour…No more…" he eyed Penny…

"She couldn't restrain me with cable or chains after that…" Amy, calmly…Only a slight widening of the eyes at him…

Oh…God…I think they've actually…

Connected…?

"I shall return…" Sheldon, dignified insistence…As he went to the door…

"Do not contaminate my beloved with 'You Tube' fantasies or you shall hear from me…" he glared at Penny… "Fifty-nine minutes and forty-seven seconds, my Amy…"

"I'm internally counting the microseconds, my Sheldon…"

Whoa…Penny stared…

"Come, bestie…Sit and spill…And remember for slaves to passion like Sheldon and me, time is lost opportunity…"

"Well…Amy…I had to talk to someone…And you're my best friend…" Penny began, taking seat…

"Oh, pick it up girl…!" Sheldon's cry from the door…

"Leave this to me, Moonpie!..." Amy's return… "My love won't let me wait…"

"You ought to set that to music, Amy!..." he called… "I'll try to restrain myself via comic book immersion…"

"Not too much immersion, Shelly-kins…!..."

Shelly-kins?...Penny sighing, rolling eyes…

"All right, lets move things along, bestie…I assume this is all about your sudden passion for a short Jewish astronaut-hero whom you once professed and still, obviously overcompensating, attempt to claim to despise…" Amy eyed her…

"You…"

"Sheldon spotted it first, I must admit…I think my feeling for you as my best friend clouded my perception though I immediately agreed with him…"

"You…And Sheldon?...Know…?" Penny stared…

"It's only logical, neurobiologically speaking…You know Howard well, he's made vague mating approaches…Now he's suddenly acquired new alpha-alpha-alpha male status and your psychosexual motor is going into overdrive, rather like billions of women on this planet today…And your attempts to deny your feelings through denigrating Howard's achievement are laughably pathetic…"

"Oh, God…" Penny sat back, stunned… "Does Leonard know?..." she eyed Amy…

"Well, laughable and obvious to two of the world's greatest geniuses…Of which Leonard is hardly one…" Amy noted…

He-haw-haw…She gave a sudden Sheldonish gasp…Then immediate calm… "Good one, bestie…"

"Ok…I love Leonard…You know that…" Penny began…Insistent…

"But recent events have reset your sexual furnace…Indeed a hot and sweaty piece of nubile equipment… to 'Danger, whoa' when in range of Howard's newly enhanced vibes…Arguing that power and success are indeed the ultimate aphrodisiac…It's only a natural thing, bestie…Don't be too hard on yourself…"

Pat…

"So you kinda feel the same thing?..." Penny, confidential tone…

"What and betray the man I adore for society's flavor of the month hero?…Please…" Amy frowned…

"Amy!..."

Set of Good Morning USA…6am…

Howard and Bernadette nervously seated…

Attractive female newsanchor in lovely tailored suit smilingly urging them not to be nervous…

Former actor, her co-anchor striding out to join the group…Shaking hands…

"Where's…?" Bernadette, looking round…

"Quite a hero, buddy…" the ex-actor 'news'man noted to Howard… "I'd be angling to play you in the film if I were younger…"

"And a competent actor…" The female anchor hissed to Bernadette…She nervously smiling…

"But what about…?" she tried again…

"Oh…Lord…" the anchor sighed… "She's still in her trailer…"

"Trailer?..." Bernadette blinked… "We didn't have a trailer…"

"Neither do I…" the male co-anchor frowned…

"What the frack is up here?..." a strident, if lovely voice… "Where's my latte?...The lighting here is awful!..." emerging from a gaggle of nervous people fluttering about a center…

"We're going in thirty!..." the anchor called… "Ms. Peng?..."

"Outta my way, you…Howard!...Bernadette…" eager call, curt nod…

"Hey…" Howard put up reluctant hand…

"There's my hero!..." Ms. Peng…Lovely, silken-haired…In glamorous, elegant dress…And about six inches taller than Howard, strode over…Kissing him to Bernadette's smouldering fume…Taking seat and hand on opposite side of Howard… "Oh, Howie…!..." she embraced him…

Pictures, people…She glared out at the attendants…

"Lilly…" he nodded…

'Lilly'…Right…Bernadette fumed…Americanization of her 'Li' for the audiences…And only because she knew Peng wouldn't be as cute…

"Where's my focus shot?..." Lilly, annoyed…

"And…five…four…three…." An attendant intoned…

"Just like our retro firing, eh, Howie?..." Lilly beamed… "God, was that a hot ride…"

I know something else that's getting hot…Bernadette, glaring…


	3. Chapter 3

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part III…

Good Morning USA set…

"So there I was…I had to evacuate the science module, there was no alternative…But the capsule was too damaged to even try to land…And my air was running out so that even before my orbit decayed I'd be herstory…" Lilly told an awed audience…

"I was dead…I knew I was dead…The only thing keeping me from forcing that hatch open and just getting it over with was that sweet voice telling me how to reconfigure my CO2 filters…To give me just enough time for him to try and reach me…" she…And the audience…And several hundred million viewers in the US, China, and round the world, eyed Howard…Blinking a bit in his seat between Dr. Peng and Bernadette…

Currently the most envied woman on Earth…

"Howard?...You want to tell us how you managed to repair the filters…And what you said to Lilly?..." the female anchor, a bit teary-eyed, leaned in…

"Uh…It was just about what NASA did for the Apollo 13 guys…Just used her suit filters and sealed off any leaks…I just told her to hang in there and described how we'd try the ion thruster…"

"Which had never been used in this way?...And wasn't even intended to be attached to your Soyuz landing module?..."

"No…But I figured we could secure it…Since we'd detach it before landing…Then it was just simple math and mechanics to figure a possible intercept…"

"But if the ion thruster had failed to shut off…Or come loose…He would have been lost or burned up…" Lilly noted…

"We couldn't sit in the station and not do anything…" Howard noted… "And we will pretty sure it would work…It wasn't really that risky…"

"And then…You reached Dr. Peng's ship…And you had to go over…Can we run the footage?..." the male co-anchor called…

"I know most of you have seen this before…Watched it that day…As part of the largest audience to ever witness a mission in space…But here is the Soyuz approaching the other craft…"

"Howard, what were you feeling when you saw Dr. Peng's ship and knew your gamble might have payed off…" the female anchor, eagerly…

"Ummn…It was all happening very fast…And I was worried that we couldn't get a response from her…"

"I was out…On my last air…I doubt I had another hour or two left alive…" Lilly noted… "But I remember hearing that voice, telling me to hang on…'I'm almost there…'"

Even Bernadette caught up in the suspense…

"And you got out…Made the passage across…All alone…" the male co-anchor…

"Well, we couldn't do more than one…Even if we could've risked two, we'd have to open the hatch and reseal it and still have enough for two for the landing…But I had the station team and NASA….And the Chinese Space Command… With me every step of the way…"

"And there you are…You've reached the capsule, Dr. Peng may already be dead as biosensors are out…And ground control can't get the hatch open…You can't get the hatch open…."

"Actually we'd kinda expected that…So I did come prepared…"

"A true engineer…" Lilly beamed…Patting his arm fondly…

"And as the whole world practically watches…You force the flange…At incredible risk…" the male co-anchor notes…

"Just something the station team did on the last Hubble repair…Can't turn the bolt, break the blocking piece…"

"And a fragment of that broken piece cut your suit open…And your air now is bleeding away…"

"I was lucky…It wasn't a serious tear…I managed to bind it up…"

"With duct tape no less…" the female anchor grinned…The audience chuckling…

"It's always handy to have…" Howard, shrugging a bit…Wan smile…

"You opened the hatch, found Dr. Peng unconscious but still breathing…Got her out and pulled her back across to your ship…"

"I wasn't much help…" Lilly, smiling… "But I knew when I opened my eyes and saw this wonderful, wonderful guy there…Holding me…I was going to make it…Oh, Howie…" she embraced him…

"Bernadette?..." the female anchor turned to her…

Hmmn?...Sudden blink…Desperate killing of killer frown…

"How did you feel at this moment?...Your husband…Your newly married husband…Has just done this incredible act of heroism…Pulled off this remarkable feat…"

"Pretty glad he was ok…" Bernadette sighed…Tearing… Patting Howard… "I was so afraid for him…"

"Great, great…And then, Lilly, you came to in the Soyuz and found the man whose voice had kept you going for nearly 28 hours had just saved your life…"

"But we still had to get down…" Lilly noted… "And Howard had to go out again and manually jettison the ion thruster unit…"

"Incredible…And there you are…Parachute deployed…" the male co-anchor beamed at the image on the large screen… "Back to terra firma…"

Applause…Audience rising in their seats to cheer…

Cameras focusing on Howard, Lilly…Briefly on Bernadette…Back to Howard, Lilly…Lilly holding Howard's hand, raising it in victory…

"God…" Penny stared at the screen…Amy eyeing… "I can't believe it still…Oh, I know the 'You Tube' thing was crap…But…" she shook her head… "Where did that come from?..."

"It was his element…He shone…" Amy noted… "I understand when his mother nearly died of what he thought was a heart attack he literally carried her to safety…It seems he has more physical stamina than anyone thought, except perhaps Bernadette…She having had the chance to test his sexual agility…"

"I gotta get over this…It's just shock at what he's done…Maybe I feel guilty for misjudging him over the years…Could that be it?..It could be it, right, Amy?..." Penny sighed…

"Or you could have always sexually desired him…He has had a lot of experience , like you, and perhaps it was just his physical appearance and short stature that kept you from jumping his bones all these years…"

"You mean I wouldn't have minded his skuzzy sleazey routines if he'd been a stud…?" Penny, looking downcast…

"Well, a quick review of your more worthless boyfriends,…" Amy began…

"Oh…" Penny sobbed… "I'm a terrible, terrible person…I don't deserve Leonard…"

"Bestie…" Amy sighed, patting… "As Sheldon's Meemaw would say…If we got only what and who we deserved…"

"Amy….A couple of nights ago I was trying to recover the files from when I was addicted to World of Warcraft…The ones when Howard went online and…Asked…Me…Out!..." howling sobs…

"I said yes at the time…" she looked up… "Do you think that could've meant I actually did like him then, before he became a world-famous hero?..."

Good Morning USA set…

"And you're actually planning to go back?..." the female anchor asked…

Audience hushed…Waiting…

"Well…I hope to…I didn't get to finish my work on the new telescope…" Howard noted… "NASA's trying to work something out…Even the Chinese have offered to help get me back up…"

"And I'm going with him…" Lilly noted, happily…

Bernadette, dark look…Calming at Howard's nervous…Please, sweetie…Look…

"Yes…This will be a major new change in the relations of the space-faring powers, won't it?…A Chinese astronaut joining the ISS crew and China joining the partnership for the ISS program…And all thanks to you, Howard…" the male co-anchor noted…

"The President is said to be ready to offer a major new initiative in manned space flight due to the public's renewal of support for NASA…A new generation shuttle program and a possible lunar base…" the female anchor eyed Howard…

"Well…That would be great…" Howard noted…Shyly… "I know this kind of cooperation is really essential if we're going to continue space exploration…And we seem to be so close to some major discoveries on Mars and Europa…"

"And Howard Wolowitz has played no small part in those…" Lilly cut in…Beaming… "Dr. Wolowitz, I should say…"

Bernadette, enraged…

I was supposed to be the one to…

"That's not official, yet…" Howard, putting up a hand…

"Three honorary doctorates…From China, CalTech, and your alma matter MIT…Not bad, Howard…" the male co-anchor noted…

"But he never needed a title to do his work…" Lilly smiled…Fondly…Holding his hand…

Bernadette…Desperately restraining herself…

"Bernadette?..." the female anchor…

"So proud…So proud...So proud…" she nodded…Hands in lap clenching…

So freakin' proud…If I could just have a sword I'd dub him and then cut that bitch into…

"It's a great honor…All three…But I've always been proud of my Engineering degree from MIT…" Howard noted…Frequent…Please, Bernie…Just a few more minutes…Glances to Bernadette…

"Have to say I don't know if I could let my husband fly back up to stay on a space station for months with the lady he'd just saved from a horrible death…" the female anchor noted…

"Well, Bernie is a peach, as you say…" Lilly smiled…


	4. Chapter 4

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part IV…

"My God…" Amy stared at Lilly Peng on screen seated next to Howard, Bernadette to his right doing her best to avoid total loss of composure… "That frail lotus blossom could make middle-aged portly men swear off Viagra…Her porcelain skin is even more flawless and glimmering than yours…"

"She's cute enough…" Penny noted…

"Look at poor Bernadette redden…Given her ethnic heritage I'd say she's at serious risk for apoplexy or cardiac infarction…" Amy shook her head…

"Yeah, must be rough for her with Howard getting so attention from the ladies…"

"I'd say 'lady'…That space dragon has vise claws…"

"Yeah, whatever…Anyway, Amy…What am I going to do?...I don't want to hurt Bernie…"

"Hurt Bernadette?...What do you mean?..."

"Amy…Me, showing Howard a little leeway?...Even if I have been trying to restrain it…?"

Stare…"You mean you think Howard…With the radiant Lilly Peng and thousands, heck, millions of beautiful women fascinated by his heroic aura, including those whom once he considered himself fortunate to have spit on him, would resist them for love of Bernadette but…For a slightly kind nod from you?..."

He…Haw-haw…Chortle… Followed by immediate calm… "Bestie, no one admires your statuesque beauty like me…But lets get real here…"

Penny, annoyed stare….

"Penny…The problem here is not Howard's weakness for you and you know it…" Amy eyed her…

Cal Tech that evening...

"There they are…" Dr. Gablehauser, turning from a group of elegantly-dressed, well-coiffed, clearly leading donors and alumni, beamed…

"Indeed they are…My …Golden couple…" President Siebert cut in, elbowing Gablehauser aside to stand by a beaming Lilly in elegant gown and sheepish Howard in tux…And Bernadette, likewise gowned…If not nearly so elegantly…Urging reporters moving about the crowd to collect themselves round…

"The couple is here…" Bernadette, a bit grimly…Holding Howard's arm firmly…Lilly slipping her arm round his other, while sipping champagne…

"Here, here…" Leonard, nearby, with Penny by his side,…He in his favorite corduroy suit, raising champagne glass, she in gown…

"Of course, Dr. Wolowitz…" Siebert, glibly addressing a rather annoyed "Dr. Bernadette Wolowitz"… "And America loves you for being the woman behind the man…But while we all cherish family values, we are here to honor the dynamic duo of space…"

"Dr. Rostenkowski…Is 'behind'nobody…" Howard corrected…To Bernadette's beam…

"Mrs. Wolowitz is just fine…" she noted, firmly…Howard, grateful smile…

"That's beautiful…" Siebert nodded… "Now come on over here, Dr. Wolowitz, male…" chuckle…Bernadette, narrow-eyed glare… "And lets get some shots of you and your space girl…"

"Oooh…" Lilly frowned, setting down champagne, with grin at end… "I would think I was a bit more than his teenaged gal pal…Shall we say 'space lady'?...Come on, Howie, lets smile for the cameras and the greater good of space exploration…" she pulled him across the room…Bernadette holding tight for dear life and being dragged as well…

"Bernie?...Just give us a sec here?...For Duty, Howie's career, and a joint mission to Mars?..." Lilly smiled at her…

"Sure…" grim nod… This is only for you, pal…Hard stare to Howard, release…He returning a grateful stare…

Thanks, honey…

Reporters moving up, cameras clicking…Siebert maneuvering to take center stage…

Leonard and Penny moving to take Bernadette in tow…

"You're a trooper, Bernie…" Leonard patted her… "It really is important, you know…"

"Yeah, yeah…Enhanced space cooperation…Yadda, yadda, yadda…World peace…Yadda, yadda, yadda,…Mission to Mars…" she frowned over where Lilly was fondly leaning on Howard's shoulder while speaking to several reporters…He attempting to drop back a little…She urging him forward…

Penny glaring as well…

That…What did Amy call her?... "space dragon"?...

"Yadda…Yadda…Yadda…Salaries and secure jobs…" an overhearing Siebert had moved over to join them, as yet unable to divert attention from Lilly's retelling of the rescue mission to a pitch for Cal Tech… "You're taking one for the team, sweetheart, like Hofstadter and that elderly donor…"

"I did not sleep with her for the money…!" Leonard hissed…

"Whatever makes you more comfortable, Hofstadter…I say that every night before going to bed with my personal trust fund, the missus…" Siebert smiled…

"Say where's Cooper…?" he looked around… "Tell me he's not sulking because Wolowitz is the idol of the masses and the goose that is going to lay Cal Tech a basket of golden eggs…?"

"Oh, no…He's fine with Howard's success, President Siebert…" Leonard, hastily… "It's just that Sheldon and Amy…"

"Sheldon and who?..." Siebert eyed him… "You mean a girl?...Lord, Hofstadter…Don't tell me Cooper's made a girlfriend out of dead body parts, electronic components, or via cloning his mother….?"

"No…Sir, Sheldon's been going with Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler from Neurobiology…"

"Fowler?...The Wicked Witch of Cal Tech?...To develop neural paralyzers and take over Humanity to prepare for the invasion?..."

"Si…Gabe…" a plastered Raj had found the group…Putting an arm round Siebert which drew a cold stare… "Great party for the space dudes, boys…Though you know, it might be wise to let a real expert on space talk shop with the guys for the reporters…You know, the fellow who made People just a couple years back?..."

Hofstadter?...Gablehauser eyed him…

Right…Sigh…

"Raj?...Come on with me and we'll see if we can find you an absolutely stoned reporter to talk to, ok?..."

"Dude…You are the greatest…" Raj, fondly…Arm round his shoulder…

"Hello, babe…Best friend of Howard Wolowitz, here…" he nodded to a female reporter… "Dudes, I can give you the details of the astrophysics of the Wolowitz mission as well as Howard's love life, pre-Bernadette…" he called to several others…

Penny, left alone, watching Leonard gently maneuver Raj to a reasonably safe seat…Then turning to eye Howard and Lilly…Now surrounded by photographers and eager reporters…One ET reporter speaking into her mike before her cameraman…

Bernadette glumly dropping back to her…Siebert now making the rounds, offering to ferry VIPs in the crowd to meet the stars of the evening…Pausing to urge various faculty members to do their bit for the ole team…

"Sorry, Bernie…" she noted…Sympathetic hand on arm…But eyes still on Howard…

He really does look nice in that tux with his hair like that….

I love Leonard…I love Leonard…Oh, God…

"It's ok…I know it's for the greater good…" Bernadette sighed…Low voice…

Hmmn?...Penny, out of her reverie…

"The new cooperation agreement, a better relationship with China, more funding for NASA…I know what's at stake here…And I know Howie is just trying to do his best for all that…"

"Uh…Yeah… Cause that's really the kind of guy he is…A real hero…"

Bernadette turning… "Thanks…" she nodded, slight smile… "No more 'You Tube' crap?..."

"I'm sorry about that…" hesitant…

Amy at door… "There they are…Oh, we are just in time…Look at her drooling over the little fellow…"

"Really?..." Sheldon peered over… "Penny is with Bernadette not voiding saliva over Howard…"

"Trust me, Moonpie…The woman is in the deep throes of lust addiction and in desperate need of rescue…Our duty as her closest friends is clear…"

"I'll trust your judgment, my divine Amy Farrah Fowler…" he nodded… "Let Operation Hands Off Howard commence…"

"I know it's hard for you to see Howard this way…But there is a lot more to him than you realized, Penny…" Bernadette noted…

"Yeah…Uh, yeah…I know I've misjudged him…Uh, we all did, I guess…Except you…"

"Well, don't go too far the other way…He's still my Howie, with all his little faults…"

"Sure, sure…Course, we always did care for him, faults and all…Really…"

"I know…" warmly…

"Yep…Always had a little soft spot for him…Even at his worst…Though, of course, soon as he found a girl who cared for him he did drop all the nonsense…"

"He did, didn't he…" Bernadette beamed over to him…He catching her glance, waving…

Lilly catching as well, pulling him over to speak with an important NASA official…

"Yep…Always something worthwhile in him…Probably why I decided to help him with you…" Penny noted…

"And don't ever think I'm not grateful…" Bernadette, patting her…

"Oh, sure…Sure…Best thing I've ever done…Given how things turned out…" Penny, nodding…

Twas a far, far better thing I did…Than I had ever done or will do…Oh, God…

"Greetings, bestie and understudy bestie…"Amy, in gown, radiantly on Sheldon's arm…He in the rather nice suit Penny had helped him find for an awards ceremony… "Sorry we're late but we had to buy Sheldon some new shoes…Which make the outfit…I picked them out…" she beamed at said shoes…

"You look great, Amy…" Bernadette, smiling…

"Of course…But look…Don't they make the outfit?..." she pointed at the shoes…

"I picked them…" she repeated… "The suit being all very well but the shoes the essential component…"

"They're great, Amy…Very nice…" Penny nodded…

"Essential…"

"Right…"

"So…" Amy slid over between the girls… "How goes the shameless attempt to exploit Howard's feat…?" Sheldon moving to Penny's side…

"Not bad…" Bernadette sighed… "Dr. Peng seems cut out for the work…"

Narrow look from Amy causing him to move across and over to Bernadette's side…

Hmmn?...Penny stared…

"Yes…" Amy looked over to where Lilly, with Howard firmly in arm, was eagerly making the rounds of various donors and celebrities…Pausing to speak to reporters, urging Howard to do so as well, posing for a slew of pictures both professional and amateur… "Like a fox that's found the unlocked door to the hen house…As Sheldon's Meemaw would say…I'm making a mental data bank of her pithy, homey sayings to please my beloved…Are you pleased my beloved?..."

"Like a hog in a filled trough or a CERN physicist on the day the Higgs Boson was discovered, dearest…"

"Let me borrow my bestie an instant, Bernadette?...Sheldon and I need her advice on our relationship…We wish to profit from her many failed experiences…"

"Uh…Sure…" Bernadette, shrugging to Penny…

A reporter, unable to break through the crowd about Lilly and Howard, seeing Bernadette and deciding to settle for what she could get, approached, clearly intent on an interview…

"Guess I'd better do my bit for the team, anyway…" she sighed…

"What's up guys?...And how can my miserable failures benefit…?" Penny, a bit puckishly…

"Please…That was a clever ploy to get you away from your rival/victim…" Amy noted… "The day we take romantic advice from you is the day Sheldon lets you write his next paper…"

"Which would be never…" Sheldon noted…

"Thanks…What, victim?..." Penny, a bit annoyed at end…

"We just want you to know…We're here for you in your time of wanton, uncontrollable lust…Right, Sheldon?..."

"There, there…" he nodded, patting…

"No physical contact!..." Amy, a bit sharply… "And closer to me, please…"

"Amy?..." Penny stared… "Are you worried about…"

"After what you said about going for Wolowitz based on your insane fantasies?…A little prudence is required…I'm not a naïve bumpkin but a savvy urban woman of the world, girl…" Amy noted…

"And he is not for you…Just so we're clear on that…Sheldon?..."

"No way, Jose…"

"Though in a pinch, I'm ready to step in and provide temporary sexual gratification…" she noted…

"I prefer the hiring that versatile prostitute Leonard and Raj procured for Howard in Vegas…" Sheldon, frowning…

"Very well, dearest…He's possessively jealous, like me…" Amy smiled to a bewildered, stunned Penny… "I'm finding I like it…Any way, shall we make the call or can you last out the reception?..."


	5. Chapter 5

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part V…

Sensitive soul that he is, Leonard Hofstadter had been expecting Howard to come seeking if not advice, then support or at the minimum, brief escape from the women in his currently rather hectic life…At least the two major women in his life…So that he was not surprised the day after the Cal Tech reception, a party to precede the event of the season…The visit of the US and Chinese presidents to attend the awarding of honorary doctorates to the first couple of Space…that his friend called requesting a meeting over coffee early that Saturday morning…

Though he was surprised to find Penny a bit anxiously eager to join them…

"It really seems like Howard wants to talk to me…Alone…" he eyed her disappointed face…

Surely she's not telling her friends each time she sees Howard for the glory points…

"…you know, guy talk…"

"Yeah…Nerd guy talk…Pretty much girl talk only comic books and sci-fi/fantasy instead of TV shows and gossip mags…And geeky toys instead of bling and clothes…Except when Amy comes or I've been with you guys too long when we start melding into nerdland…See?...'Melding'…"

"Very good…But we do talk about other things…As I'm sure you do with your guys…"

"And on that plain we can meet…C'mon Leonard…If Howard's having a problem with Bernadette, who better than me…To, uh, empathize…You know…Good ole Penny…Ms…Empathy…"

"I don't know that it's trouble with Bernadette…Though probably he's worried how she's taking it with Dr. Peng and all the people hovering round him these days…"

"Well Bernadette…She's a bit easy to ruff the feathers, you know…Probably doesn't even like it when Howard pays attention to me…"

"I guess…When did Howard pay 'attention' to you?...I mean since Bernadette?..."

"Leonard…I'm speaking hypo…notically here…" casual look…

Tres casual…Yeah…

"Hypothetically…Ok…But I still don't think he'd be pleased to see I brought someone else…He didn't even want Raj along…Penny, is there some reason you need to see Howard?..."

Like taking his picture for the tabloids to pay your rent or for new shoes or something?...He did not say…

"What?...No…" she said…Wave of hand… "No…I'm just tryin' to be a good friend here…Help our lil' hero out…"

"Well, 'Fruit Loops' Wolowitz will appreciate it, I'm sure…Maybe if he thinks it'll help, later on?..."

"Yeah, sure…" she smiled…Then frown… "Why do they keep calling him that?...It's no way to talk about a hero…Are those NASA guys jealous?..."

"What?...No, he's kinda fond of it now…It's sorta a pet name…And God, they're just grateful the spotlight's back on NASA…Heck as Howard says, they've all done their share of the hero bit…He just got the public attention thanks to Lilly…"

"I guess…But they really ought to come up with something better…Or just call him…Howard…"

Slight catch in throat at name…

Oh…

Oh, Jesus…I've caught the Amy sex bug…

"Ok, well…Give 'Fruit Loops' my best…And if he needs me…Ummn…To talk to…"

"Are you ok?..." worried look…

"I'm fine…" sudden grab and hug… "Leonard, you mean so much to me…You know that…?" Kiss…

"Sure…I love you too…" he pulled back, eyeing her…

"Yeah…That…Absolutely…" she nodded vigorously…

"You mean…'I…Love…You'…?" he asked…A bit coolly…

"Uh, yeah…"

"So?..."

"Some things don't need to be said, Leonard…You oughta know that…" pat…Beaming smile, quick kiss…

"Yeah, sure…Thanks…" slight gulp…

"Great…See ya later…" she turned and re-entered her apartment..

Well, phew…She sighed…Got a bit dicey there…

Oh, I gotta get over this…Now…And I will…Yeah…

No problemo…

Hmmn…Maybe I better call Amy…

Leonard, outside, staring at the closed door…

"Goodbye…" he said, quietly…Turning away…

"Hey, ole palarino…Long time no get together alone…The two compadres…Mano e mano…" Howard, glibly…

Nervous glances round the Starbucks…

"Why are you wearing that cowboy hat and a false beard, Howard?..." Leonard eyed him from his seat…

"Leonard…Shhhh…" finger to lips… "Look this is the first time I've been able to get out in public alone without being mobbed for weeks…Believe me, it's a necessity…"

"Fine…" Leonard looked at his latte… "So what did you want to talk about, pardner…?"

"Leonard, this thing with Lilly is driving Bernadette up the wall…And God knows, given my history, she…And the rest of you have every reason to think something's going on…"

"None of us think anything's going on Howard…Because of your history…We know it's all publicity and for the good of NASA and space exploration…Even Bernadette knows that but she can't help being jealous when Lilly overdoes it…"

"Thanks…" frown… "Though for your information Lilly isn't 'overdoing' it…She's in love with me…"

Stare…Chuckle…Hearty laugh…

Howard frowning… "You know that's just what we used to do when you started mooning over Penny and then with Prya…And both times, much to our shock, we were wrong…"

"Lilly Peng is in love with you?...C'mon Howard…You may be losing your head over her, I can believe that…But she over…Or rather, given those six extra inches…Under you?...Please…"

"I did sorta save her life you know…And there's more involved…Which I can't really talk about right now…But suffice it to say, the girl is gunning for me…At every opportunity…And Bernadette is furious…"

"Gunning for you?...Uh-huh…"

Frown…

"I mean I could believe she might be trying to have you killed to have the stage for herself…If you mean 'gunning ' literally…" smile…

"Fine…I should have known I'd get no help here…Leonard, I thought I could speak to you…"

"Well, sorry...But I can't help much in cases of delusion…Penny's willing to speak to you, though…Very willing…" hard stare…

"Penny?..."

"Yep…Good ole nerd problem solvin' Penny…" cold stare… "Ready to meet up with you any ole time…She'll set you right with this Lilly Peng thing…Sure…"

"Well, if she has some advice…She might be the better one of you to talk to…Especially the way you're handling it…"

"Yeah…" curt nod… "Who better than good ole empathic Penny to help you out here…She sure seemed eager to lend a hand…"

"Leonard?...What the frack are you talking about?...You're acting as if…"

Cold stare to Howard's blinking return…

Oh the dear God of my fathers…He stared at Leonard's darkening face…

Well, that's it either I died in space and this is Hell where I'm tormented by achieving my wildest dreams at the price of the woman of my dreams or I truly am the Messiah, like that woman in Fresno wrote me….


	6. Chapter 6

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part VI…

"Amy…Thanks for…"

Sigh as she looked to see Sheldon carting two large metal suitcases…

"…coming with Sheldon…"

Great…

"No problem, bestie…" Amy, bright nod… "Set those down here, Moonpie…" she indicated…

"Amy?..." Penny stared at the cases…

"Just a little neurobiological help to deal with our problem…We call it 'our problem' because as my best friend, your problem is my problem…And as my lover/devoted one, my problem is Sheldon's problem…" beam…

"The logic was inescapable…" Sheldon nodded… "And was incorporated into an addendum to our Relationship Agreement…"

"Yeah…Thanks…But what is all this…?"

Amy opening one case… "Here we have the latest in Pavlovian techniques…Both negative and positive reinforcements designed to squash any possible lust cravings you may have for one short space hero…And to reinforce…Or create, if need be…Such feelings for the lover you find socially more acceptable…"

"What?...Amy, I don't find Leonard 'socially acceptable'…I mean…I love Leonard… 'Socially acceptable' or not…"

"Interesting…?" Amy eyed Sheldon, who nodded…

"Somewhat…Though certainly not…Fascinating…" he noted…

"What's that mean?...Are you guys doubting I love Leonard?..."

"Not at all…The trouble and modest humiliation you're putting yourself through right now suggests you have quite strong feelings for him…" Sheldon observed… "We're just curious as to how that feeling stacks up against good ole lust-driven passion…"

"Very curious…Ummn…" Amy, a bit eagerly…

"I don't not want Leonard, you know…" Penny, a bit desperately… "He's very attractive, in his Hobbity lil' way…"

"And yet fame and success are pulling Wolowitz out in front in the race…At least for now…" Sheldon, thoughtfully… "Tell me, is the potential wealth Howard may achieve now also a major draw?…And how much would you rate that on a 1-5 scale…?"

"One being 'it would be nice to be able to buy those shoes I love but it's not all that big a deal' to five being 'diamonds are a whore's best friends, guys'…" Amy explained…

"Hey?!..." Penny glared… "This isn't about money…Or fame…Well…" she gulped… "Maybe the fame is a bit of a draw…But…You know, he did do a really brave thing…" she broke down a little… "It's just…"

"Electrode headset…" Amy urged Sheldon…He opening the second suitcase…

"If it's any consolation…" she told Penny, reaching for the headset from Sheldon's extended hand… "I'm not entirely without ulterior motives here…I'm hoping to learn a little more from you for my studies on neurobiological aspects of primate social hierarchical behavior…So I'm a bit of a whore for Science here myself…"

"I'm more the bawd in this situation…" Sheldon noted…

"But we do want to help…" Amy finished…Earnest stare that melted Penny's glare…

"I know…" she sighed… Eyeing equipment… "You really think this stuff can help me…?"

"I used it to break up a chimpanzee relationship that had lasted fifteen years in captivity…" Amy, smiling…

"Though of course, Herman's chances for getting laid besides Sylvia were pretty much null, so it may not have been quite the bond you and Leonard have forged…"

"Man…You're joking…"

"I kid you not…" Howard sighed at Raj's stare… "Leonard's convinced Penny has the heebie-jeebies for me…"

"What the hell is that?..." Raj frowned… "And I don't mean that as someone who doesn't understand American slang…I know perfectly well what the heebie-jeebies are and unless you mean Penny can't stand to be in the same room with you, you've once again totally mixed up your associations…"

"You know what I mean…"

"I know you're being freaking ridiculous and the fame must be going to your head…I also know you called Leonard and not me to talk about Lilly Peng and your troubles with Bernadette…" Raj frowned…

"Raj…I just thought Leonard would understand better…He actually having some kind of functioning relationship with a real woman…"

"Thanks…" glare…

"As opposed to Sheldon I mean…" grin…

Raj, frown…Then grin… "Aw, you…You can always manage to say the right thing to win me back…"

"Uh…Yeah… Look, I don't believe it either, but Leonard does…And maybe Penny's been talking about me or watching me on TV too much and he's getting antsy in his lil' insecure Hobbity way?...I don't know…"

"And what do you want me to do there?..."

"Just tell Penny's what's up…Ask her to explain to Leonard that it's all nonsense…When she stops howling with laughter, I mean…"

"Hmmn…" Sidelong glance…

"What?..."

"Did you by any chance get replaced by a pod while you were in space?..."

"Raj…"

"Just checking…This is not the Howard I hung out with…At least until Bernadette showed…When, I must admit, some changes were seen…"

"Raj, I'm not trying to be noble here…I just don't want anything to spoil my marriage…Bernadette is my life…I can't risk losing her, not over some nonsense on Leonard's part or some feelings on Lilly's…"

"So…Lilly really does go for you?..." Raj eyed him…

"Right…Fine, laugh...Tell me I'm imagining it…That it's some desperate desire for a tall, beautiful Asian goddess to want me…Etc, etc…Leonard's already had his fun on that score…"

"No…I believe it…" Raj, quietly… "I've seen the way she looks at you even when the cameras are gone…That girl may be ambitious and a bit of a glory-hound and something of a Lady Mao…But she's crazy about you…You are in trouble, dude…But, it'll be over soon…She's going home after the last hospital tests and the Presidents' visit when her family gets flown in…"

"Yeah…And that's gonna be lovely…After that craziness…And…Well…" he paused…

"Hmmn?..."

"I mean, her family and all…All looking at me as the guy who saved…Ummn…Their girl…"

"Potential Asian in-laws…Seeing their girl with a chance to bring a nice Jewish-American boy into the fold…A heroic nice Jewish-American boy…Bearing global fame…I feel for you, dude…Just thank God my sister never showed any interest in you…"

"Thanks…But hello, after that?...Six months on the ISS…She and me…And not always a third party…?"

"Oh, God…That's right…" Raj, gulping… "Wow…Truly Jewish hell…If my reading of those books you suggested is right…"

"I can't go up there with her, feeling the way she does…Especially after…Well, all that's happened and will happen…"

"What will happen?..." Raj stared…

"The festivities, all that…You know…" lamely…

"Two Presidents praising you on international TV before the world…Yeah, bit of a turn-on for the ladies, I imagine…"

"I've got girls calling me now who spit on me for looking their way only a few years ago…"

"And Lilly is very pretty…" Raj, suggestively…

"Yeah, yeah…And I'm only Howard Wolowitz, reformed perv/forever nerd…But on the other hand, I can't give up my chance to go back and finish the telescope work…NASA's ready to give me a permanent 'star' ticket for future missions…Raj, the way things are going I could wind up on the Mars flight if I don't blow it…"

"With Lilly Peng beside you…For say two years out, a year there, two years back…Wow…You'd pretty much have to have it removed and frozen cryogenically till you got back…And even then…Given that girl…"

"Great, you see my problem…I have to get Lilly off my back…I mean literally, sometimes…"

Raj, blinking…

"Oh…?"

"Nothing's happened…Yet…But yeah…She has tried…"

"And you…?"

"Jesus…Forgive me, Mom…Raj, if you loved a girl…If your deaf girl had worked out…Wouldn't you try to be faithful?..."

"Sure…I guess…But hey, I'm an Indian multimillionaire's playboy son turned astrophysicist…You couldn't expect too much from me…"

"Well, Bernadette expects it from me…And I'm trying…And so far, succeeding…Just barely…"

"You love Bernadette that much…?" Raj eyed him…

"It does happen, Raj…And Bernadette is the most wonderful woman in the world…"

"I know…" sigh… "I mean…I'm sure…To you…While her friends, like me…Esteem her highly…For your sake…"

"Yeah…The bottom line is…I can't risk losing her…And yet I don't want to blow my career, though I will if I must…"

"Ok…So?..."

"I was hoping Leonard could talk to Lilly…Explain things better than I can…You know how the women always get over him…"

"You mean the way they sense he's been constantly deprived of affection and yet has a warm and giving heart and they all start mothering him?...Even, in her limited way, Amy?..."

"Exactly…I figured Lilly would feel so sorry for the lil' sad-sack she'd actually listen to him…And then when he got all concerned for me and Bernadette…"

"Tearing up, no doubt…"

"That's our Leonard…Even Lilly might be deflected when he'd start going on about how he couldn't bear to see his two dear friends' lives ruined…"

"At which point he'd start talking about his mother…"

"And to shut him up, she'd back off a bit…Even listen to me…Or, find our social center too emotionally needy to resist…Either way, problem solved for the marital firm of Wolowitz and Rostenkowski-Wolowitz…"

"And now since Leonard seems to have 'gone crazy' for whatever reason, you want me…The man who can't talk to women without a shot of alcohol, turning him into Mr. obnoxiously Hyde…To speak to her…After I accomplish the little miracle of dealing with Leonard's fit of insanity by speaking to Penny…?"

"Actually…" Howard beamed… "Now that I consider things…You might be the better choice at that…"


	7. Chapter 7

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part VII…

"Penny!..." hard knock on apartment door… "Penny?!...It's Leonard, open up!..."

Penny, headset strapped to head, looking up from her sofa seat…Uh-oh…Sheldon busily loading Pavlovian reinforcement programs at his laptop across from her, in chair…Amy, beside her on sofa, frowning at door, while adjusting several electrode bracelets and finger caps on Penny's arms, legs, and hands…

"Tell him you're busy…" Amy, glance to Sheldon who presses button…

"Ow!..." Penny smarted at the shock… "Hey!...Leonard, I'm busy…!" call at end…

"Working perfectly…Sweetface…"Amy's beam to Sheldon…

"Penny!...I need to talk with you…!"

"Tell him…He just wants to talk at you…Sheldon?..." Amy …Sheldon nodding…Pressing…

"OWW!...Jesus, guys!...Leonard…"

"'…talk at you…'And with irritation…" Amy, urging…Flash of eyes to the waiting Sheldon, standing by to administer reinforcement…

"…You just wanna talk at me!...I'm busy…"

"Irritated tone…" Amy, insistent…

"And irritated…" Penny finished… "I'll call you later…!" Don't…Hard stare at Sheldon…

No need…She's getting it down…Amy, nodding…

"Damnit, Penny!..." Leonard cried… "This is important…I know about Howard…!"

"Know…?" gasp…

"Confident denial…Nothing going on…You're a good girl…" Amy… "Sheldon, accentuate the positive?..."

"Oooh…" Penny jumped a bit… "Whoa…"

"Denial?..." Amy urged…

"What about Howard?...Leonard, I'm busy…I'll talk to you later…" Penny called…

Sheldon eyeing Amy…Not exactly what you wanted…Shall I?...Finger poised…

"It'll do…" shake of head…

"Is someone in there with you?..." Leonard called…

"Yes…"

Sheldon hit button at Amy's stare…

"OWWW!...Hey!...No!...I mean, yes…Oh…" Penny pulled at the headset… "Enough…" she hissed to Amy as Amy looked Sheldonward… "I mean it!..." harsh hiss…

"Leonard…I said I'll talk to you later…I'm busy now with Amy and Sheldon…"

"What?!...Sheldon?...Are you really in there?..."

"Passable…" Amy had moved to Sheldon… "Give the good girl a treat…"

He pressed….Penny, eyes rolling…

Hmmn…Geesh…Penny blinked…Wow…Shaking head… "Ok, stop that…" whisper… "Sheldon?…"

"We both are…Myself, namely Amy Farrah Fowler, and Sheldon…" Amy called to Leonard… "And we're busy with my bestie…So please do as she asks…"

"Fine!..." Leonard's annoyed call…Stomping off…

My, Sheldon sure is a cutie when he smiles like that…Penny thought, smiling vaguely at him…Shaking head…

Whoa…

"OW!..." she lurched…As a frowning Amy sat back down, having scurried over to push the negative reinforcement button, somewhat to Sheldon's surprise…

"Amy?..." Sheldon blinked…

"I think that's quite enough positive reinforcement for now…" grim tone…

"Explain to me again why I'm agreeing to this?..." Bernadette sighed as she and Howard stood outside Leonard, Sheldon, and Penny's apartment building…

"Bernie…It's just a typical dinner and hanging out night…Good ole us with the good ole gang…A nice return to normalcy…"

"Along with our special guest star…Ms. Dr. 'Get Outta the Way and Hand Over Your Husband, Honey…' Peng?..."

"Bernie…She's lonely here…And I told you…Raj will be keeping close to her…"

"And how will he manage that?..."

"I got him properly prepped with a couple of grasshoppers while you were shopping…" grin… "Even Lilly won't be able to shut him up…He's going to speak to her about backing off a little…If he remembers…But even if he doesn't…"

"What?..."

"Bernie, he may tend to get a little over the top when drunk but he's always charming and smooth…Least until the fifth grasshopper when he usually gets decked by a date…Or any woman he's seated next to…We just have to keep him away from # 5 but see the magically liberating effect of alcohol doesn't wear off…And to that effect…" he pulled out a six pack of beer…With fancy import label… "Voila…"

"Ok, he needs six to reach the point where Lilly calls in the guards or kills him herself…What?..."

"Missing the point, my love…" he pulled at one label, revealing another underneath.… "It's not really alcoholic…Raj responds to any drink that he thinks has alcohol…"

"Ok…Not bad…" she shrugged… "But Lilly's not interested in Raj…"

"She hasn't experienced 'totally on Raj'…Besides, she knows he's my best non-marital friend and she'll want to pump him for intel on me once she realizes he can actually speak…And with luck, she'll get his message that she's coming on a little strong…"

"A little strong?…" Bernadette frowned… "Howie, she's practically showing up in our bedroom…Though, as I've told you…Kudos for not calling her name in your sleep…And don't think I haven't been monitoring you…"

"Creepy…But I like it…" grin… "Bernie, you've been such a good sport on all this…Please, you know I don't want anything to spoil us…Just lets see if the Bollywood Boy on phony booze can deflect our somewhat less than fragile Chinese lily at least for the next few days…That's all we'll need…"

"Howard, you're slated to blast off with her for six months at the ISS in one month…"

"And by then I'll have the ground rules lain and she'll be with some hunky stud from Hollywood, Bollywood, or their Chinese equivalent…"

"I dunno…" she looked down… "Wouldn't be just as effective if we just went home and if she shows again at our door wanting to be 'shown the sights by her favorite hero…And you too, Bernie if you'd really want to come along' I deck her?..."

"We'll keep that for plan B…" he noted, carefully… "Please, Bernie?...I'll do everything I can to see NASA sees the need for a first-rate microbiologist on the Mars flight if I do get to go…?"

"Of course they will…" she shook her head…

"And with a little arm-twisting from their current PR star, it will be you…"

"Howard…" she frowned… "I don't want it through your influence…"

"Just the word in the right ear…At the right time, sweetie…Heck, Lilly's made no bones about telling us how she's slept with a senior Communist Party official or two to get herself moved up the mission list…"

"Really?..." shrewd grin… "Well, never let it be said Bernadette Wolowitz wasn't willing to sleep her way into NASA to be with her Howie on Mars…"

"Rostenkowski is just fine…Though Rostenkowski-Wolowitz is not only sweet but unbelievable…" beam… "Bernie, you're the best thing to ever happen to me…And I'll never let anything or -one come between us…"

"Don't you ever forget that…" stern frown…Beam… "And there's always Plan C…"

"The Chinese might object to their star astronaut being consumed by flesh-eating bacteria, but it's an option…" he nodded…

"All kinds of strange accidents can occur on a long mission like that…And all that radiation…I doubt we'd have any trouble covering our traces…After all, in Space, no one can hear you scream 'die, bitch, die!'…" grin…

"Sometimes I don't know if it's your incredible sweetness I love…Or that divinely wicked side…" grin returned…

"A little Madonna…A little, you know…It's the fatal attraction of a nice Catholic girl…" she beamed…

"What's that about us Catholic girls…?" Lilly's cheery call as she appeared round a corner, she in casually elegant attire of lovely silver blouse, vest, slacks…Tall man in nondescript clothes following at discreet distance… "Hey, guys…" she beamed…Hugging Howard…Pausing to face Bernadette…

Just picture her face being consumed inside a leaky space suit…Bernadette thought…

"Hey…" she accepted quick hug…


	8. Chapter 8

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part VIII…

"So let me get this straight?..." Penny eyed the rather casually seated Raj with stern look…

"As you like it, babe…" nod…Stretch…Glance round…

Place could still use a run or two with a vacuum once in awhile though I see Leonard has got her toeing the mark a bit more, nodding appraisal…

"Right…So Howard asked you to tell me Leonard is jealous of him, regards me…?"

"I know, sweetheart…It's got me howling inside too…" airy wave… "But the little fellow always was the insecure type…"

"As opposed to...Who among your merry band?...Well, Sheldon, of course…"

"Amy…" Sheldon eyed her immediate finger on his laptop, setting for negative reinforcement…

"We disconnected the system…" he whispered…As they watched through the slit of the bedroom door…Having hid in expectation that it would be Leonard again attempting a discussion with Penny…

"Right…" Amy frowned… "Pity…We could use the positive as well to imprint her on Raj…"

"But…Leonard…?" he stared…

"Yeah, yeah…" impatient wave… "Whoever…Just so long as his name isn't Sheldon…"

"Why Amy Farrah Fowler…?" Sheldon eyed her rather stricken face as she peered out… "Are you implying you had yet another ulterior motive in assisting Penny here?..."

"As long as we were helping to cure her Howard infatuation and she was willing, albeit with complete ignorance of the potential consequences, what's wrong with frying any potential interest in you?..." shrug…

"I'm not blind, Sheldon…I can see how that statuesque figure and alabaster skin, abetted by a round of 'Soft Kitty' and a dish of spaghetti with tiny hot dogs could even penetrate your commendable armor…" nervous glance to him…

"Look, Howard's now a world-class type…Like me…Gracing 'People'…It's only natural Leonard would suspect you might be falling for him…It's just lucky for him I didn't find you quite my type…" Raj continued, relaxed smile…

"Your what?..." Penny stared…Sniffing…

"Raj?...I can see you've been drinking but that's not real beer…" she noted…

"What…?" he suddenly choked up…Eyeing bottle…She taking it from his now trembling hand, pulled the false label…

Goddamn that heroic little man…Hosed me again…

"Amy…I don't make emotional commitments lightly…You of all people should be aware of that…" Sheldon pointed out…Whispering… "Besides, Meemaw would be disappointed in me if she ever heard I'd betrayed the one I loved…"

"Oh…" Amy, sobbing suddenly…Audibly…

"What's that?..." Raj looked round… "Is that someone crying…?"

"Uh…" Penny blinking fast… "Oh, Raj…How could you and Howard say or even think something like that?...That I'd ever…" she teared up, head bowed…

C'mon, c'mon, actress…Lets get those waterworks flowing…Consider it an acting exercise and good practice for when I confront my lil' hobbit…

"Penny?..."

"Amy…" Sheldon, gasping…But managing to keep voice down…

"Sorry, sorry…" she hissed, wiping… "You said you loved me?..." she beamed… "You actually said it?..."

"Of course…Isn't it implied in the Relationship Agreement?...And physically certified by our recent extension into the physical realm of lovemaking?...I thought I'd made it clear…"

Raj, now engaged, in a desperate attempt at patting consolation to the "weeping"…God, polish up that Academy Award…Inwardly beaming Penny, jumped at the sound of crashing from the bedroom…

"Just one of my dirty clothes piles falling over…Don't mind it…" she insisted…

"Oh, Moonpie…" Amy, hugging for dear life, barely managing to keep it a husky whisper… "Sweetest, dearest Moonpie!…Oh, I love you, so…And isn't it wonderful icing on the cake that we've once again demonstrated the success of the use of sex as a positive reinforcement…?"

"Indeed…" Sheldon as archly as he could, look up at her from the floor… "It finally got you to say 'I love you'…"

Smile…To Amy's momentary blinking stare…

Return smile…

Leonard and Sheldon's apartment…

Where a rather sulky Leonard was now playing reluctant host to his famous guests…And Bernadette…

"I just love this place more each time I see it…" Lilly staring round… "You guys so rock!..." she noted, admiringly…

"Medical tests going well?..." Leonard asked…

"I'm hunky-dory…The O2 level in my blood is back to Beijing-polluted normal…" grin…"So where's the obsessive-compulsive galoot from Texas?..." she peered round… "I just love the crazy stuff he comes up with…My brother is just like him…Only he rants in Mandarin…It'll be a hoot to see them together…"

"See…" Howard hissed to Bernadette… "She 'just loves' everything…"

'Just loves' our place, 'just loves' the craziness of the 'galoot' from Texas… No doubt 'just loves' Howard…Leonard sighed…

And no doubt Penny 'just loves' me…As opposed to…Frown at Howard…

"Howie?...A couple of words?...You don't mind, Bernie?..." Lilly pulled him over to the kitchen…

"Kitchen, I'll tolerate…But if she makes for one of the bedrooms…" Bernadette noted to Leonard, grim stare at Howard's look back…Curt nod…

"Ok…I get you meant to be helpful…" Penny eyed the currently vocally paralyzed Raj… "Despite the obnoxious delivery system...And you can tell Howard…"

Amy eyeing Sheldon…This is it…Our experiment on the brink…

"It's fine…I appreciate his concern about us and I'll speak to Leonard…"

Yes!…High-five motion by Sheldon…But…gingerly…He mouthed…Amy raising hand…

"And I'd like to speak to him…When he has a moment…" casual tone…

Uh-oh…Amy's hand froze in mid-five…

"So?...Everything's fine, medicalwise?..." Howard asked…

"I've been pressin' it but yeah…They want me to take it a little easier the next few…So, thanks for letting me hang with your guys…"

"Not a problem…But…?" guarded look…

"So far, so good…" Lilly nodded…Warm beam…Touch of hand on side Bernadette could not see despite her intense eyeing of the two… "I owe you everything, Howard…And I would do anything to show you how much I love…Appreciate's not the word… you…You know that?..."

"Lilly…"

"Fine…I know…" she released his hand… "Just so we're clear…"

"Getting back to the main event…" he urged…Quick glance Berniewards…Alls well, sweetie…Slight, quick thumbs' up…

"Just a few more days of terror…" she grinned… "For me, too, you know…"

"I know…" He nodded… "I know it must be difficult…"

"Hellish…So, how's bout easing my sufferings with a quick bout in the galoot's sanctum santorium?...You'd have the satisfaction of knowing every night while he thinks he's secure in his fortress that we defiled the holy temple?..." slight poke, grin…But a direct appeal in the stare…

Frown…Lady…

"I have it on good authority that he and his neurobiological minx have already done their fair share of 'defiling'…" he noted, dryly… "And you promised…"

"Promised I wouldn't have you in front of the other nice Catholic girl…" grin, relaxing stare… "Oh, come on…It's good for her to know she has competition…"

"Howwwward!...I'm thirsty!...Can you please bring me a drink?…Anytime this evening…!" cry…

"God, she does have your mother down pat…" Lilly noted…


	9. Chapter 9

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part IX…

"Sheldon…" grim tone…

"Amy?..." slight plead…

Silent return stare…

Rattle of combination lock on expandable bar blocking door access…A security feature Sheldon had obtained for his own place…

"Unlock this thing...We're supposed to be meeting the guys…Sheldon?...Amy?...C'mon!..."

"Sheldon, Amy, open the apartment door!..." Penny glared at the two standing by the sofa…

"We're sorry, Penny…" Amy noted…Shaking head… "But we've concluded we can't do that…"

"What?!...This is my apartment…If I wanna leave…!"

"But we want you to know we still have the greatest enthusiasm for the project…" Sheldon noted…

"Which is why we can't let you go…" Amy nodded… "Clearly our first effort hasn't killed the Howard lust bug in you…"

"Guys…I'm fine…"

"You're attempting to deceive us…And yourself…" Sheldon shook his head… "We heard you tell Raj to send Howard over…"

"Oh…That…" Penny…Innocent beam… "I just wanted to prove to myself I was cured…You know, confronting and all that…Nothing to worry about…You two did a great job, thanks…You can leave it to me now…"

"If you're 'cured'…You'd want us to stay to prove you were fine…" Amy pointed out…

"But I could just want to prove it to myself…The ultimate temptation…And if I pass, I'm golden…I…C'mon, guys…" beam…Fading…

"Penny…This is your bestie here…A neurobiological genius who's seen this sort of thing in countless monkeys, chimps, and gibbons…Though never in orangutans…They being the epitome of fidelity…"

"Guys…" attempt at confident casual, fading to uncertainty…"Oh…" sob…

Amy, quick eye to Sheldon…Who nodded…

"There, there…" stiff pat of head…

"That's quite enough…!" Amy, pulling Sheldon back with force as Penny reached for a hug…

"Amy?..."Sheldon, a bit startled…

"Sorry, dear one…But like the Crell, it appears a green-eyed monster lives buried in my subconscious, occasionally rising up to cause mayhem, despite my superior intellect…No offense intended, bestie…" call…

"But you keep away from her…" hiss, stern look…

"What?..." she eyed him… As Penny sobbed a bit…

"I'm a bit nonplussed to find your jealous behavior rather stimulating…" Sheldon noted…"We should note this in our daily log of sexual/emotional interaction…"

"Oh, you're right to be jealous, Amy…" Penny sobbing harder now… "I'm a terrible, terrible person!…Oh…"

"Agreed…Definitely a spikey day in our interaction continuum…" Amy nodded to Sheldon, turning back to Penny… "No, bestie…You're just a normal primate female seeking to pass her genes on to the most promising alpha male…Perfectly normal behavior, despite perhaps an unfortunate tendency to go for the proverbial flash-in-the-pan…"

"Thanks…" Penny sighed, wiping a bit… Hmmn?... "Wait?...Did you just call me a slut in fancy terms?..." frown…

"Arrgh!..." Raj gave high-pitched squeal as Lilly suddenly grabbed him from behind, tickling…

"C'mon, Rajy…" giggle…Grin to Howard, then Leonard and Bernadette… "This always used to work for my brother…"

"Jesus…" Raj gasped… "Are you trying…?" choke as he faced her…

"Ok, progress…" she grinned at him…Kissing him briefly on cheek…

"Course it wasn't full mutism in Xu…" she noted… "But a little shock therapy seemed to do wonders on his shyness…Sorry, Rajy…But you gotta admit it did help a little…"

"He says he'd rather not have a heart attack in order to say hello to girls…" Howard, as Raj whispered to him…

"By the way, mission accomplished with Penny, though I really appreciate you pulling the 'phony' beer trick again…" Raj, hiss to Howard as he took a seat…As far from Lilly as possible…

"Well, it was just a test…And not a bad one, I'd say…" Lilly grinned… "You should have Bernie and Penny try it every day for a few weeks…"

Hmmn…Image of Bernadette grabbing him suddenly…In dark corners…Alone…Every day…

Could see the benefits there…No, now….He shook head…

"Where's Penny and the guys who seem like residents of the place we work…?" Lilly asked... "Space…" she explained to puzzled looks from Leonard and Bernadette…

Knock…Rather firm…

"Oh, God…" she sighed… "My little shadow…" chuckle but somewhat anxious look…

"Want me?..." Howard offered…

"Would you, please?..." she nodded…He rose and went to door…Opening to reveal a rather stolid-looking, heavy-set Chinese man in raincoat, suit…Staring coolly…

"Dr. Peng is quite well…" Howard noted… "Have a look if you like…"

"Thank you…" noncommittal reply as the man stepped inside…Peering round…

"Hey, how's the bodyguard business?..." Lilly, light tone, wave… "Still here and in one piece as you can see…"

"Thanks…" the man grunted, impassive stare… "Just checking in…Good night…" he stepped back out…Howard closing door as the others, excepting a rather suddenly depressed Lilly, exchanging glances…

"No, we should not offer him a beverage in Sheldon's name…" Howard replied to Raj's whispered question…

"Spy business, I should say…" Lilly noted, tense grin…

"He certainly keeps tabs on you…" Leonard noted… "I've seen him everywhere when you're with us or at things, just hanging round…"

"The concern of my grateful government for me is boundless…" she frowned…Looking at the wall…Looking up and over at Howard, anxious…

He returning sympathetic beam…

It'll be ok…She nodding slightly…

Bernadette, watching…Slight sigh…

Now she is dangerous…

"Well, anyway…When do we eat and what?...I'm starved enough to prove we do sometimes indulge in rat…" Lilly grinned…

Leonard noting a slight tremble in her hands…

"Well…" Howard, hearty manner… "We were thinking…And as Sheldon has already long decreed…This night being 'Chinese' night…" taking seat with Bernadette…

"Oooh, I love 'American whatever that stuff is'…Especially that tangerine chicken the galoot likes…" Lilly beamed…

"Hello all…" Amy entered, followed by Sheldon, then Penny….

"Guests of my abode…" Sheldon nodded…

"Howww…dy…" Lilly waved, grinning at his frown…

"What kept you guys?..." Leonard asked… Penny moving to him…Hand on arm…He staring briefly at her hand on his arm…

Physical stimulus…Very good…Amy nodded to her look…

"Just talking girly talk…" Amy, quickly… "Sheldon following the Relationship Agreement to the single word, manfully enduring it…"

"But Raj just came from Penny's…What were you and Sheldon doing that kept you?..." Leonard asked…

"Leonard…A gentleman never tells…" Sheldon, equally quickly…Arch glance to Amy who returned…

The others eyeing each other…

"Well, so much for the 'more than I ever want to know' department…" Leonard noted…Glance at Penny, whose hand remained on his arm…She staring at him…

"Penny?...Do you want something?..." he said, low voice…

"We need to talk…Please…?" hiss…

"I hafta to get a spot like yours at my house back home…" Lilly noted to Sheldon as he took spot… "Howard let me have a go, the other night when you let him use it…It's wonderful…"

"Thank you…Normally or if you were a friend of anyone but Howard, I would be issuing the Roommate Agreement warning notice to you, Howard, and Leonard, you being Howard's guest and Howard, Leonard's…But as Howard is a great American hero and is allowed thereby to use my spot on Thursday nights as tribute to his courage and ipso facto may therefore loan it out during such times…No notice is taken…"

"Thanks, pardner…I appreciate the concession…" grin…

"You should realize what a concession it is…" Amy noted… "I've only been allowed to use the spot for copulation with Sheldon as yet…Which technically means he hasn't offered it to me yet…"

"Oooh and one more for the 'more than I ever want to know' logbook…" Leonard sighed…All eyeing the spot in which Sheldon calmly sat…

"Nope…" Amy noted… "Not yet…" Stare at Sheldon…


	10. Chapter 10

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part X…

Szechuan Palace…

Or, as Lilly wryly put it on entry… "Szechuan?...Palace?..."

The proprietor, Mr. Chen, giving a slight, narrow look as the gang, Leonard, Penny still holding his arm nervously, Amy rather contentedly on Sheldon's, Howard, a homburg hat rather ludicriously pulled low, held on each arm by Bernadette and Lilly, respectively, Raj a bit glumly behind them, awaited seating…

"You know, Dr. Peng…" Sheldon had turned to her…

"Shhhh…!" Howard, Bernadette… "Sheldon?..."

Lilly grinning…Guys…That goofy hat on Howie is far more likely to get us noticed…

"Sorry…Lilly…You could help me resolve a rather troubling concern of mine about the Tangerine Chicken here…"

"It tasted Tangeriney to me at your place, last week, Sheldy…"

"Yes…But that may be due to the fact I specifically mentioned Howard's name in the course of placing the order, thereby ensuring proper preparation of my chicken…Pulling strings if you like…"

"Wow…Mention of my name can get you real Tangerine Chicken…About the extent I'd expect…" Howard grinned to Bernadette…

"…And it's –on, not –y…You still seem to be having a problem with that…" Sheldon noted to Lilly…

"Afraid so…English no speakie so good, Sheldykins…" grin…Pat…

Amy, narrow glance to side…Swinging Sheldon round her…He stumbling…

"Sorry, dearest…" she hastily noted…

This seems to happen a lot more to me nowadays…He sighed to Leonard… "Has it been your experience during mating season that your female partner tends to yank you around frequently?..."

"I couldn't say…I guess I don't rate that kind of…OW!...Hey!..." Leonard ducked a second blow to head…

"You deserved that…" Penny growled… "And you know you did…"

"Pardon me…I could say I need to talk to Sheldon and I do but my main reason for pulling him away is good old jealousy…Please be warned…" Amy noted, politely to Lilly… "And bear in mind that the addendum '–kins' is only to be made by me…" grim look…

"Noted…Hang on to this girl, pardner…" grin to the somewhat bewildered Sheldon…

"Hero…Crazy man…Nice boy who puts up with crazy man for some bizarre reason…Strange Indian fellow who will never drink again in my place when my daughter is working…Pretty young lady…Crazy man's unfortunate girlfriend who threatens Humanity by maybe passing on his genes…" Mr. Chen nodded to the guys…Raj, nervously nodding…

Right…Sorry about that, again…

Girlfriend…The only word the beaming Amy heard…

"共产主义海报妓女" ("Communist poster whore") he muttered under breath but loud enough to be heard…

"Nice…" Lilly smiled coolly…

"Did he just call me a Communist whore?..." Sheldon whispered…

"Very good…You're picking it up…'Communist poster whore', to be precise…" Lilly noted… "But he meant me…"

"我的伯父和侄子，我的甥女，所有被谋杀。 大家认识您睡眠以大党男孩向前得到。现在什么？ 您从他可怜的妻子的鼻子下面窃取小英雄？" (My uncle, niece, nephew were all murdered. And everyone knows you slept with the big party boys to get to the top. Now, what? You steal the young hero from under his pitiful wife's nose?")

"您该死的混蛋知道什么对此，好朋友?" ("What the fucking hell do you know about I've been through, pal?")her reply, hard stare… "跑掉然后指向手指，我知道您的类型。 您知道什么我家的通过?" ("Runs away, then points a finger. I know your type. What do you know of what my family's been through?")

"Guys…" Howard, catching the gist… "We're just here to eat…" he eyed a furious Mr. Chen…

"她是一个好女孩, 有心脏"he noted… ("She's a nice girl...Have a heart...")

"Of course…And for an American hero who showed up the Communists, the best table in the house…" Chen, calming…Signaling for a waitress to take them over…

"My niece…" he eyed Raj sternly…

"Diet Coke and tea, I promise…" Raj nodded…

"Thanks…" Lilly beamed at Howard… "I nearly lost it there…God, I love this country but some of the prejudice here…" she sighed…Accepting the chair he pulled…He quickly moving to help a somewhat grimly waiting Bernie…

"So…What were they arguing about?..." Leonard hissed to Howard, orders taken…Raj giving his via Howard…

"Our host thinks I'm a whore using Howard's bravery for promoting Communism…" Lilly, hearing…With smile…

"At least he thinks there's a higher purpose than just me promoting myself on global TV…" wry look…

"几更多天， kiddo。 那里吊." ("Just a few more days, kiddo. Hang in there.") Howard noted, with careful smile…

"Yes…" Sheldon, eagerly…Pleased at catching on… "Just a few more days and you'll be back off to China…Back to the bosom of the motherland…"

"Yeah…" she nodded… "Thanks…" brittle smile…

"Of course she will have training here for the ISS as well…" Howard noted… "In fact, it's always possible…"

Bernadette, involuntary gasp…

Possible?...As in, not leaving?...At least giving us a free few weeks before blast-off?...

"We'll see…It all depends on what Mission Control decides…" Lilly, hastily… The arrival of the waitress/niece with their orders terminating the conversation for a moment…

"I think your friend outside is getting wet…" Leonard noted…Glancing out the window to view the same stolid man in overcoat, standing quietly in the rain…Not peering into the restaurant, merely waiting…

"There's a pity…" Lilly, grimly…Taking a forkful of noodles from a platter… "These noddles aren't bad but I have to say, Sheldy, you may be right about the Tangerine Chicken this time…"

Arch nod by Sheldon…Pleased look by Amy…

Pleased, with reservation…

"Anyway, that guy Chen reminds of that actor, James Hong…I told you, Howie?...How I met him in Beijing when he did 'Marco Polo' for TV and they filmed there…?" Lilly noted…He nodding…

"I got to give him flowers with a bunch of kids…Another propaganda moment for the budding whore…" she smiled… "He saw my St. Christopher medal and told me I was the nicest Catholic girl he'd ever met in China…"

"Of course he didn't notice the Star of David…" grin… "But grandma always tole me never to show it in public…"

The rain having ended, the gang walking home…Leonard drawing Penny to the rear…

"What?..." she asked…

"You tell me… 'We need to talk', you said…"

"A little more private…Please?..."

"I just thought you might want Howard nearby…"

"Hey!..."

"Possible?..." Bernadette hissed to Howard… Lilly taking Raj's terrified hand owing to the narrow sidewalk…But glancing back to view them, just behind her…

"You never mentioned she might not be going home…At least for a little while before she spends months with you practically all alone in space…"

"Sweetie…"

"I was right about the Tangerine or lack thereof…" Sheldon beamed to Amy… "I knew I was right about the Tangerine Chicken…That Lilly is very nice…"

"Sheldon…The Crell?..." Amy noted…

"Oh…Sorry…Delete the last five words?..."

"That's my Sheldykins…" hand squeeze…

"So?...You enjoy intense sex recently with any other fellow Asian astrophysicists?..." Lilly grinned at Raj…

"Sorry…I do that to my bro all the time to get him talkin'…"


	11. Chapter 11

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XI…

"You really sure about this?..." Howard, a bit uncertain…

"Hmm-hmmn, why not?..." Lilly shrugged…Opening comic book in hand and posing for his I-phone camera shot… "My folks'll get a kick out of it…" grin…

"Yeah, but…"

"Howie…" she grinned, holding open her copy of "Richie Rich: The Poor Little Rich Boy…", prominently displaying cover…"Haven't you heard?…Back home, 'Greed is the new People's Good'…"

"Lilly…You don't need to make waves just right now…"

A wave or two sweeping her back home wouldn't be so bad from where I sit…Bernadette thought…Standing by Howard…

"Eh, we'll facebook it later…By then it either won't matter or it can be my epitaph…A finger in the air…" smile…

Bernadette, puzzled…Stare to Howard, who sighed…

Fine…He took shot…

"But later…Much later…?"

"Sure…" Lilly nodded… "Now, lets go see if the latest 'Iron Man' is here yet…God, do I love Tony Stark…There's a real superhero for you…Built himself his powers…Like someone I know…" fond gleam…

"Yeah…" Bernadette…Taking Howard's arm…

"I know exactly what you mean…"

"Got my fingers crossed that Robert Downey Jr. makes it to the ceremonies…" Lilly hastily noted, a grateful Howard's look thanking her for the division of subject…

"Married, for some time now…" Howard noted…

"One can live in hope…" Lilly, faint smile…

"No…Not really…" Bernadette, coldly… "I mean you wouldn't want to break up a happy couple…"

"Bernie…" Howard hissed…

"Never a happy one…" Lilly eyed her, coolly… "Nor cause pain to someone I care for…"

"Then don't…"

"Bernie…" Howard tried again… "You know..."

"I'm not a fool, Howard…" impatient wave… "I know this isn't about…"

"Dr. Peng?..." Stuart had come over from his counter…Howard seizing upon the chance rescue…

"Hey, Stuart…Just in time to answer a question from our guest about Robert Downey, Jr/Iron Man Stark…."

"Oh?...Well, I just wanted to tell you that I got those back issues of 'Green Lantern' and 'The Flash'…" he indicated a pile back on his counter…

"That's great…We'll just leave you two to discuss graphic lore…Bernie?..." pleading look…

"Yeah, sure…We have to go discuss married things…Cause that's us…Married…" Bernadette noted…A tad archly…

"Sure…I'll catch you…Uh, both…Later, Howie…" Lilly smiled, turning back to a Stuart eagerly anticipating his largest order of the year…

"I can guess what's up, even if he won't tell me the details…" Bernadette had turned back suddenly… "And if anything happens to him…" fierce stare…

"I won't let that happen…" Lilly replied calmly…Bernadette nodding…Rejoining a watching Howard…

"My brothers are gonna love all of this…" Lilly turned back to a puzzled Stuart, beaming at him… "So as to Mr. Downey…?"

"We're alone now…" Leonard noted as he and Penny sat at a table watching Sheldon and Amy combing the aisles…

Amy insisting her only intent to assist Sheldon's hunt for uncharted comic territory, though her eyes unmistakably drawn at times to both the "Catwoman" and "Betty and Veronica" series in equal measure…

"This, alone?..." Penny, sniffing…

"Sheldon…" Amy hissed…

"I see…" he nodded…

"Lets maneuver in…Don't attract attention, particularly Leonard's…"

"Are we intervention or…?"

"Observation, only…For now…" Amy breathed… "Take us in, close as you can, Mr. Cooper…"

"Aye, aye Ms. Fowler…"

"Penny…" Leonard sighed…

Sheldon carefully slidling in along the row of comics…Amy in tandem along the opposite row…

"Betty and Veronica?..." he eyed her…

"Consider it the embodiment of the link to my emotional, girly side which has made our relationship so successfully multidimensional…The key to unlocking my passionate nature, as it were…" calmly…

Hmmn…

"It has worked out for you…" smile…

"True enough, carry on…" he nodded…

"Fine…Look…I'm getting these vibes from you…" Penny began…

"You're interested in Howard since he came back, lets cut the crap…" Leonard frowned…

Surprisingly perceptive…Amy mouthed to Sheldon's glance… "Steady as we go, Mr. Cooper…" They continued to edge down the aisle, reading comics while creeping closer…

"Howard?..." innocent stare from Penny…

"Yes, Howard…Wolowitz…Little guy you once claimed to despise, currently greatest all-American Jewish space hero…"

"Married Howard Wolowitz…" Penny noted… "Hey?...Do you think I'd hurt Bernadette?...And I won't deny I'm feeling a little differently about him these days…"

"Thanks…No, I don't think you'd hurt Bernadette…And Howard wouldn't let you…I'm afraid I'm selfishly concerned only with my own hurt here…"

"Prya…Lesley…Stephanie…And I'm not planning to try and run off with him…Not even to sleep with him, if that's what's…"

And surprisingly good counter…Sheldon mouthed…Amy nodding…

"I'm not concerned with that…And we were more or less over with all three of those ladies…Penny?...I think I have a right to point out that you showing 'feelings' toward Howard hurts me…Even if you don't act on them…And I believe you don't…" Leonard put up a hand… "I wouldn't be talking this over with you if I didn't…"

"I don't want to hurt you…Ever…" she sighed… "Leonard, this is just a passing phase…A little natural response of a human primate female to normal social stimulus…"

That's my bestie…Amy, grin to Sheldon…

"Oh, modest you…" hiss… "To her credit that she managed to retain a bit of your wisdom…"

"So Amy and Sheldon…"

"Crash dive!..." hiss, Amy pulling Sheldon down…

"… have been counseling you…" Leonard eyed Penny's…What? look… "Lord, we must be in bad shape…"

"They're friends…She's my best friend…They wanted to help me…And I did it for the love of you…" she replied…

"And don't you tell me you being with those women didn't hurt me…Or that you didn't enjoy hurting me…" she eyed him…Grim tone…

That's us…Altruism Inc…Sheldon eyeing Amy …As they knelt on floor, he peering under the racks…

"Taking the offensive…Wise strategy…" Amy noted…

"Sorry…" Leonard sighed… "You're right, that was mean of me…I know it hurt you…"

"Leonard, I don't want to have these feelings…" Penny, pleading… "Oh, Leonard, there must be pretty girls you'd still like to have a night with…You can't say you don't find Lilly attractive…Heck, I still catch you checking Amy's ass out now and then…"

No, no…Amy grabbing quickly… "She's speaking figuratively…!"

"Yes, about your figure…" Sheldon, angry hiss…Struggling to rise…

"But you know I love you…" Leonard noted quietly… "And that I'm not going anywhere…"

"And if I say that…You'll believe me?..." she asked, hesitantly…

"I'd know if you meant it, so…Yes…"

"Big of you…"

"I love you…I want to marry you someday…I want you to be the mother of my children, grow old with you, and, if I can manage it, die in your arms…But mainly, and for all that to happen, I want to know if you love me like that…As embarrassing as it has to be to be following Howard Wolowitz's lead…Sheldon, Amy?...Care to come up and have a chair so you can hear better?..." he called… "Guys, I saw you creeping down to us and can see you under the racks…"

Surface…Amy mouthed, reluctantly…

Was getting rather interesting down here…

"We were just cruisin' the racks, roomie…" Sheldon, cleverly affecting a casual tone…A pleased Amy beaming at her beloved's quick wittedness…

"Yes…And making out on the floor…"

Which is, after all, partly….

"Guys…" Penny eyed them… "I can deal here…Thanks for the support…"

They eyed each other…

"She can, thanks…It was great of you to be concerned…" Leonard noted… "But we need to work things out on our own…"

"Not to say we admit to anything…" Sheldon frowned… "But we will be available at the Flash racks should either of you need counseling advice…"

"Absolutely…Or Pavlovian reinforcement…" Amy noted, cheerily…

"Thanks…" Leonard nodded…

What?...He blinked…

"And Leonard…" slight narrowing of eyes… "Keep those eyes up when viewing my girlfriend's form, mister…"

"What?..." Leonard stared as Sheldon led Amy off…Amy clearly making effort to keep lower section of said form out of easy view…

"My support team…" Penny beamed…

"I think I liked it better when they were totally indifferent to the feelings of others…" Leonard shook head…

"When you're in love you want everyone to feel happy as you do…" Penny, smiling after them…

"Uh-huh…What was that about Pavlov?...Has Sheldon been offering you chocolates again?..."

"I wish…" she rubbed head where electrodes had been attached… "Wait, what did you say just now?…About Howard's lead?..."

"Yeah?...Embarassing to be following his lead, I said…"

"Maybe that's part of it…" she said suddenly…Brightening…

Oh, my God…

"Leonard…It's not just that he's a hero and I'm shallow enough to be impressed by all the adulation…"

Yeah…She eyed his stare… "New word from Sheldon…But the thing is I'm impressed by his willingness to put it all on the line for love of Bernadette…Smokin' right past Sheldon, Raj…Even you… To change enough to be worthy of her…And to really mean it, not trying to fool her or get something out of her…Namely, sex…"

"And you think that's what I do…?"

"Only when you're not sure about me…" she eyed him coolly… "And lets face it, Leonard…You aren't sometimes…I'm beautiful and fun to be with and maternal in all the ways you've never gotten from that twisted mother of yours…But sometimes you don't know if you want a dim, frivolous blonde on your arm at that University dinner…Talking to colleagues, though, on a single date, sure, very much impressive on points…But at every function and conference, as your wife?…No, dating Penny might be a status symbol…But Penny Hofstadter might pretty quickly turn into an embarrassment…"

"Can you turn up the volume at all?..." Amy hissed… "It's sounding critical…"

"I'm not the doodads person…" Sheldon noted, frowning as he fiddled with a knob on the headset Amy now wore as they stood in the sacred aisles of the Flash's comics… "Howard is the doodads person…When not being a heroic space pioneer…Hmmn…" he paused…

"Do you really think we should be monitoring their private conversation?..." he stared at her…

She staring at him…

"Of course, who else would be competent to save them from their own emotional ineptitude, quite right…" he nodded… "We should've put the microphone closer…"


	12. Chapter 12

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XII…

"Bernie…"

She put up a hand… "Unless you're planning to come clean with me, I don't wanna hear it…I tole you, I'm not a fool, Howard…I know there's more than an incredibly beautiful and famous woman putting the moves on my husband here…Though that's a big enough part to get me riled…"

Sigh…Howard rubbing forehead…

"Bernie, you've got to trust me a little longer…And you've already guessed most of what's up…Can't we just leave it at the fact that a bunch of lives are on the line here?...But not mine, I promise…"

"Huh…" glare… "You've risked your life and career and you still are…" arms folded… "And all I'm asking is to know what's going on so I can help…"

Or turn anyone in I have to to save you…She thought…

And…Know why you'd do so much for this woman…Slightly glum look…

"I don't want to get you mixed up in this…But I promise if you can do anything I'll tell you…And it will all be over soon…"

"When the Presidents come…And her family…" Bernadette eyed him…

Oh…Of course…

"That's it, isn't it?...This is all about her family…Flying in from China…"

"Bernie…"guarded low tone… "There's no guarantee our friend outside is the only guy monitoring Lilly…"

"Howard, I'm scared for you…This is how people get killed…"

"No one's going to kill me…Bernie, this is practically a done deal…But it has to be played out…"

"She's a what?...Defector?..." stare…

"Say a prisoner of conscience…And a truly brave person…The real hero here…Who's done things we can't imagine to save a lot of people…And either has to make her break now…Or…"

"It's really that serious?..."

"Yeah…It is…"

Sigh…

"She really is a Catholic…?" slight wry look…

"Oh, yeah…By her mom…Though on her dad's side, Jewish…" smile… "Which oughta explain…"

What?...He eyed her look… "You think we didn't make it to China?..." grin…

Narrow look returned, chuckle…Sigh…

"Well…I can't very well abandon a fellow Catholic girl…Howard?..." she looked over to where Lilly was discussing "Green Lantern" back issues with Stuart…

"Hmmn?..."

"I'll turn her in if I think you're in danger…I mean that…" hard stare… "I'm not that unselfish…Sorry…"

"Thanks…" smile… "It's nice to know…"

"Just a little longer…Are you sure?...What about after?...The ISS mission?..."

"There'll be considerations…The main thing is to see everyone keeps their end up until arrangements are too far along to be broken…It's all really just a matter of negotiation…"

"That guy out there isn't a negotiator…" she noted quietly… "And she wasn't kidding just now about an epitaph…"

"It's in everyone's interest to let things go ahead…Though naturally some of the players would like to turn things to their favor…But there's really no danger to me…Or you…I swear, Bernie…I'd never allow that…"

"I don't care about danger to me…If I have some idea what I'm in for…But I don't want to find myself a widow and not know why or what for…I don't want to be married to a dead hero, Howard…"

"I'm no hero, despite nonsense to the contrary…I'm just trying to help…"

"Oh, now I am terrified…" she eyed him coolly… "And that's bullshit…But I said I'd try…And I will…But keep me informed as much as you can…Unless you want me to go and blow everything…"

"Deal…" he nodded…

"And I want the details…From her…Why, I mean…"

"She really didn't have a choice…"

"No…Why, you…" stare…

Sigh…

"I need to know, Howard…I deserve to know…And from her…"

"Yeah…But Bernie, if you want the answer from my end?...It's really not very complicated…"

She eyed him…Well?...

"I just kept thinking…What if it were you?..."

"Well?..."

Nnnit…Amy waved hand…

"But what are they…?" Another wave…

"They're not talking…" she noted hastily… "Please be quiet…And act natural, before anyone notices us…"

"In here?...I think the only reason people would notice us is that it's so unusual to see a couple…Though luckily Lilly's been recognized and Leonard and Penny are drawing off any residual attention…"

"Shh…Vocalization…" Amy, insistent…

"Well…" Leonard sighed… "First…Yeah, there was a time when I did wonder if we'd work long term…And if I'd ever fit into your world…But I never doubted you'd master mine, if you wanted too…Penny, I may be a nerd and a geek and socially hopeless…"

"Yes, yes…But I love that…And no way, you just need to maintain that confidence…" she noted…

"Fine…But what I'm sayin'…And you just demonstrated…Is, I've never failed to see what a bright person you are, whether you know Science or not…And that you just lack confidence…Penny, in every important way, you're the wisest person I know and I've seen that almost from the day we met…I admire you…I always have and I mean that sincerely…I look at how you've managed to deal with Sheldon and the rest of us and helped us become better people…Never despising us or insisting we change, just encouraging us to be confident enough to be ourselves with others…Proud of who we are, not apologizing nervously for existing…And I want that with me…At every function or conference…"

"Thank you…"

"If what you were saying is, I let you down…By comparison, God, to Howard Wolowitz…?"

"No, I don't mean that…" hastily…

"Sure sounded that way…" he put up a hand to her anxious look… "I'm not crushed, darling…In fact I want to understand…If I haven't done what you hoped I'd do, been what you wanted me to be…But I have to take issue with any notion that everything I've done is to score points with you…I don't lie when I say I love you…And if I just wanted to be able to say 'Guys I did a beautiful woman'…Well, 'Guys I did a beautiful woman several years ago and have repeated the process a few times'…I just mean…" he smiled at her sour look… "If that was all I wanted, there'd been no need for me to come back and keep comin' back…Every chance I got…"

She eyed him…Suddenly bursting into tears… "And I loved you for it…" she sobbed… "Oh, every time you came back, I was so happy…Cause no guy I ever loved before ever tried so hard…"

"Penny, I mean what I say…I love you…I want to be with you…I won't go anywhere, if you want to be with me…"

"I've been so afraid…So afraid…What if I did it?…Went all out and gave you everything?…My wh..ole heart…And then…I love you so much, Leonard…And I want so much to trust you…And I do, I do…But if you hurt me…OH…I couldn't bear it…I couldn't…And seeing Howard do it, put it all out there…"

"What?..." Sheldon, anxiously… "Amy, why are you crying?...What should I do?...Amy?..."

…


	13. Chapter 13

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XIII…

"Sheldon…" Leonard nodded to him as he idly thumbed through some comics in the Iron Man racks…Penny currently off to the ladies room…In dire need of water and tissue…

But rather pleased to be so…Noting to Leonard's bemused, amused concerned face that she hadn't been so happy in too long…Kiss, long kiss, in parting…

Neither in their own concerns having noticed Amy's abrupt departure for the samesaid ladies room…

"Leonard…" curt nod… "All right, enough of the pleasant light-hearted chit-chat, mister…" glare… "What did you do?..." accusatory tone…

"Excuse me?..."

"What did you do to Penny that made Amy cry?..."

"What?..."

"Don't pull the old answer with a question routine with me…What did you do?!..."

"Me?...I didn't do anything…And by the way, why were you and Amy snooping in on us?..."

"Beside the point…You did something…Penny left crying, Amy left crying…All reactions requiring an initial action…What did you do?...Did you accuse Penny of betraying you?...Did you make commentary on the fickleheartedness of women in general?...Because Amy is not like that…How dare you!...Apologize!..."

"What?...Sheldon?...What the frack are you talking about?...Apologize for what?..."

"For making Amy cry…" angry glare… "You told Penny something that make her cry…"

"And how, pray tell, would Amy know that?..." frowning stare…

Hmmn…

"She has very good hearing…"

"Sheldon…Were you eavesdropping on our private conversation?...I mean even after you stopped trying to overhear us and went away?..."

"Certainly not…We were monitoring, with Penny's permission…"

"You bugged our conversation?...And what do you mean, 'with Penny's permission'?...Not to mention 'fickleheartedness'?..."

"Just that…Though I clearly laid the charge of accusing Womenkind in general of said 'fickleheartedness' at your doorstep…And monitored is the word…Electronically…"

"Bugged is the word and why would Penny give her permission?..."

"I can't answer that…Confidentiality issues…"

"Since when did either of you become licensed therapists…Or priests?..."

"Well, we were ordained for Wolowitz's wedding…" smug note…

"Penny gave you permission to 'monitor' us?...Why would she do that?..."

"She wanted our help…Why is Amy crying?..." anxious note… "Leonard, what did you say?..."

"Well, I told her we were through 'cause I can no longer repress my passion for Amy…I guess Amy just…OW!..."

"I know you're being facetious…Consider that a warning…Hey!..." glare…

"How do you like it?!...Joe Jujitsu…" counterglare…

"Not as much as I'll like this!..." intense frown, fingers to each side of head…

"Right, make my head explode…You know that's pretty…Ooof!..." groan as Sheldon head-butted his stomach…

"Hey!..." swipe out of right…Fist hitting arm…

"You hit me again!..."

"You head-butted my stomach!..."

"This isn't some ego-stroking physics conference, mister!...Be warned for the down and dirty…!"

"Guys?!..." Stuart, with an startled, amused Lilly following, had come over… "What the hell's going on?!..."

"Back off!..." both glared…He stepping back…Exchanging looks with Lilly…

"You had no right to stick your nose in our business!..." Leonard glared…

"Penny asked for help…And for your sake…" Sheldon, fuming… "We were acting for your mutual benefit and now Amy's crying and you've facetiously insulted her…!"

"Is he doing what I think he's doing?..." Stuart hissed to Lilly…

"I'd say so…" grin…

"Guys…" Stuart sighed… "If you're going to duel…In any format…Please don't do it in here…I already have a slender enough profit margin and high enough insurance rates as it is…"

"Plus my guy out there is getting antsy…" Lilly noted…

All looked out the window to see the agent standing stolidly outside, but now at the window, looking a bit intensely at them…

"…so I would take it down a notch…If you don't want his intervention…" she smiled…

"Never!...We're fighting for a woman!..." Sheldon insisted…

"No, we're not…Sheldon…You just said you realized I was being facetious…"

"Ah, ha!...You admit it!...Apologize!..."

"When you apologize for snooping on us…"

"That was authorized by one of the parties…"

"You have that in writing?..." Leonard, archly…Hmmn…He stared at the sheet of paper Sheldon immediately presented…

By golly, he does…

Initialed by Penny…

"Permission to use all required monitoring and reinforcement techniques on one, 'Penny'…For the purposes of assisting in her positive and negative reinforcement of desired tendencies…" Sheldon noted… "Amy insisted on getting written documentation…Pesky nuisances, these human subjects committees…"

"All right, maybe we better discuss this in private?..." Leonard urged…

"Ohhh…" Lilly grinned… "Just when it was getting interesting…"

"Really…?" Sheldon, annoyed… "Well, considering this is all your fault, attempting to destroy Howard's marriage while making him irresistible to certain impressionable types of women…"

Nervous tic working in her face, Lilly staring at him…

"Hey!...Now I want an apology…" Leonard frowned…As Lilly turned and fled…

"Oh, not her too…" Sheldon sighed…As the three males watched her race for the ladies room…

"Way to go, Cooper…" Stuart glared…

"Well, to be honest…She has been putting it on a little thick with Howard…" Leonard noted…Frowning again… "But I got what you meant by 'impressionable types of women' and I still want that apology…"

"Hey, fellas…" Howard now entering the section, Bernadette just behind…

"Where's Lilly and the other gals…?"

"Ok…" Howard nodded… "So you and Sheldon were…Ahem…" glance to the desperate Bernadette, attempting to restrain giggles… "As Sheldon put it 'Fighting over a woman'?...And…"

"We weren't fighting over a woman…" Leonard, frowning…Uh… "We were fighting over two women…"

Rather slyly proud look…Yeah, fighting over our women…Glance to Sheldon, who nodded…

Ye chivalrous Knights de la Pasadena…

"I see…" nod…Howard…

Bernadette desperately choking back…

"I gotta admit, they really were as close to it as they could conceivably be…" Stuart noted…

"Thank you…" Leonard and Sheldon, chorus…

"And as a result, Amy, Lilly, and Penny are all in the ladies room?..." Howard asked, carefully…

"That is so…Though it's not my fault…" Sheldon, insistent…

"You tole Lilly she was a homewrecker and the cause of everything…" Stuart eyed him…

Why Sheldon Cooper, you sweet…Bernadette beamed…

"Sheldon?...Why did you do that?..." Howard, sighing…

"Well, she is…" Sheldon noted… "Everything was fine before she came…"

"Why did Penny want your help?...About…Uh…" Leonard pausing…Sheldon flashing eyes Howardward…

"Lets discuss this in private…" Leonard…

"Agreed…" Sheldon, nodding…

"Sheldon, that was a little harsh, don't you think?..." Howard continued… "Lilly's been under a terrific strain…"

"Well, I gotta admit Howard…" Leonard began…

"Pardon me…Gentlemen…And lady…" the stolid watcher had quietly entered… "Where is Dr. Peng?..."

"Ladies room…" Bernadette noted…

"I see…Could someone tell her I'll need to check on her whereabouts very shortly…?" quietly precise tone…

"Sure…" Bernadette smiled… "But she'll be right out, I'm sure…"

"Thank you…But I'll need to check on her whereabouts very shortly…" he replied, flatly…

"Right…I'll go…" she nodded…

Thanks, sweetie…Howard's look…The others looking at each other as Bernadette headed off…

"Nice that you take such care of her safety…" Leonard noted, casually as he could…

"Yes…" flat reply…

Howls from the ladies room…

The watcher first to hurry over, suddenly tense and surprisingly alert…

"Is that what I think it is that he's holding on to in his coat pocket?..." Stuart hissed to Leonard…

"Yeah, I'd say it's a gun…" Leonard nodded…

"Leonard…!" Amy rushing out…Followed by the others… "Oh, excuse me…" she eyed the staring agent in overcoat, hand firmly in right pocket… "Leonard!..."

Sheldon reddening…

"Congratulations!..." she hugged Leonard…Kissing him…He looking a bit bewildered…

Sheldon incandescent…Sputtering a bit now…

"Me next!...Heya…" Lilly smiled at the guard… "All here in one piece…"

"What?..." Howard eyed Bernadette…

"He proposed, she accepted…" she said, grinning…

Penny, teary-eyed, beaming…

"I did say yes before I had to run, right?..." she eyed Leonard…

Hmmn-hmm…He nodded…Mmmphf…As Lilly kissed him…Amy moving to Sheldon…

"Mission…Accomplished…" she whispered… "What?..." she eyed his now slowly calming face…


	14. Chapter 14

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XIV…

"That's quite a stack of books…" Leonard eyed the comics pile…Happily wheelbarrowed out to his car by an eager Stuart… Lilly following…

On the street corner, the watching agent in overcoat, eyeing them…

"My brothers are big on comics…Particularly the Flash…" Lilly, beaming at Stuart… "Not easy to get your hands on even in Beijing…Now me, I'm more the Green Lantern type…"

"It'll be expensive to fly all this out to China, won't it?..." Leonard asked…

Stuart, slight frown…

Hofstadter, you got the girl…Eyeing a rather radiant Penny happily lugging a pile of comics…At least leave me this one…

"Well, what's international fame for if not to get cheap rates on shipping stuff home…" Lilly noted, a bit smoothly… "Thanks for helping us with these…"

"Not a problem…Howard?...You ok…?" Leonard eyed a Howard struggling to place the last part of his load on the pile in the car…Penny moving to help him…

"Fine…No problem…" slight groan as he straightened… "Just a bit of hernia poking through…"

"Shoulda let me take them…" Penny shook her head…"Bernadette, are you ok?..."

"Sure…" gasp… "Piece of cake…Howard, you need to sit down…Here, let me…" she leaned on him… "Help you…" gasp…

"I think you both should sit down…" Leonard noted…

"Yeah, really…You guys should've let me and Penny handle them…" Lilly shook her head…"But thanks…" eyeing Bernadette's glare…

"Sure…" Bernadette nodded… "Lets get you inside, honey…" she urged Howard on through the door…

"So what's on for the rest of the night…Come on, we are gonna celebrate, right?…Leonard?...You just got the blonde ring…" grin at Penny… "You gotta make this a night to remember…" Lilly noted… "And I wouldn't wanna let my shadow be bored…" she grinned at Leonard, throwing a thumb out at the tall, stolid figure watching from the opposite sidewalk… "Hey, there's something…" she beamed…Eyeing a notice on Stuart's Community Events wall as they re-entered the store…Penny coming over…

"Holly Street Grill has the Mambo Kings!…Lets go hit the dance floor, I love to mambo!…"

Mambo?...Penny mouthed to Leonard…

Well…He began…Catching something in her look…

"Yeah…" he grinned… "You know, Lilly…I think I do feeling like mamboing…" Penny, slightly teary smile back…You…

"Hey, Sheldon?...Amy?...We're going to go mambo!..." Lilly called to them as the group reentered the store…Sheldon, clearly on the receiving end of a lecture from Amy regarding his snap at Lilly earlier, nervously eyeing her while seated with Amy at a table, offering what pearls of comfort wisdom alternating with apology he could to the still somewhat troubled Amy…

Still a bit nonplussed…Happy ending…By some standards…Or not…What exactly had been so upsetting in whatever emotional jibber-jabber Penny had been indulging in with Leonard?...

And what devastation was it sure to have on his own life by the odd but relentless osmosis that seemed such a major component of Amy's unfortunate choice of Best Friend Forever…

"Mambo?..." Amy stared…

Hmmn…

Yes, a little fast-paced rhythmic emotional bonding wouldn't hurt us…Er, our subject couple, just now…My bestie and her mate having just experienced an epiphany crucial to their relationship…

Nor a little reminder as to which of our couples is the finest dance team…

"Oh, that's out of the question…" Sheldon, insistent… "I don't mambo…"

"What part of Texas are you from?...Eh, I'll teach you, pardner…" Lilly grinned…

"Galveston…East Texas…And I know how to mambo…I just choose not to…"

"I've mamboed…" Amy noted carefully… "Remember at the wedding, Leonard…?" slight urge in glance…

"Oh, that was great…" Leonard nodded…

"Right, lets mambo…" Sheldon, grimly…

Amy, smile to Leonard…He smiling back…

Hey, for my girl's bestie?...

"Bestie?..."

"Oh, yeah…" Penny grinned…

"Hey, Wolowitz!..." Lilly called… "Get your space shoes on, we're hitting the dance floor to celebrate our engaged ones!…Rajesh, get on out here and bring your best Bollywood moves…!"

"Well, if Hofstadter is willing to mambo and Penny to mambo with him…" Howard eyed Bernadette… "This must be real…" grin…Then careful look… "You get that the Raj thing is an olive branch…" as he and Bernadette got to their feet somewhat reluctantly…Raj nervously peered his way from the stacks…Yeah, she's calling you…Go…Howard's grinning look back…

"Sure…Promise me you'll get him drunk as a skunk and not more than one dance with her and I'll be fine…" Bernadette nodded… "Though I meant what I said…" Hard stare…

Holly Street Grille…

Where the Mambo Kings Band's version of "Mambo Caliente" was currently shaking the house …Quite literally…

"Sorry, sorry…" Leonard hissed to Penny, stepping on her feet for the fifth, sixth time…

"What?...Oh, it's fine…Just keep 'em right on mine, I'll guide you…Oh, Leonard…I'm so happy…" she whispered, rapturously…

"Not bad, kiddo…" Lilly grinned as Raj, Corona in hand, spun her round… "Where'd you learn to dance like that?..."

"Long story, involving the New Delhi Power Rangers…So, can we sit the next one out?..."

"I sense a lecture coming…On the theme of 'don't hurt my friend's marriage'…" she grinned… "Ok…"

"Is that ok, we can sit or…?"

"We'll see…" beam…Whirling him round her…

"So, will you tell me or…?" Sheldon eyed Amy…Having pulled her close…Awaiting reply as he released her and stepped back…She turning deftly as she moved back in close…

"…I was happy for my bestie…"

"That's a very odd way to…" pausing as she stepped back with the music, then back to him…

"…show it…" he finished… "Was it all just…?"

"Not all…" she moved back, another spin round…

Hmmn…

I've a bad feeling about this…

He bent her over…Pulling her back and over him to admiring calls…

"Amy, you have to be a friend and help me here…I refer to page six, paragraph three a of the Relationship Agreement…"

"I'm being as limber as I can, Sheldon…On that last dive I was practically jello…"

"Amy…I seek the Toad of Truth in a swamp of unbalanced emotions…"

She halted in mid-turn…Staring… "That's beautiful, Sheldon…"

"I see the shadow man is still on our tail…" Bernadette noted to Howard as they sat, watching the others…

"Yeah…" Howard looked over to where the stolid agent now sat, quietly regarding the dancers, untouched beer on his table… "But he's just monitoring, don't worry…"

"Just monitoring with a gun in his pocket…" Bernadette frowned…Sigh to his look… "I just want to know it will be all right…As in, you'll be all right…"

"Nothing's gonna happen to me…"

"I didn't feel better when you said that on the radio from the ISS before you went to save Lilly and I don't feel better now…I should have those words engraved on your tombstone…"

"Not for a long, long time…"

"Please, God…" she eyed him… "Was it all staged?...Oh, gosh…Go, Sheldon, go!..." she called as Sheldon dipped Amy to the floor…Pulling her up expertly …

"We have got to find as good a teacher as his cotillion guy…Well?..."

"No…But I knew she'd started the sequence of events…"

"So she put you in danger…Deliberately…" eyes flashing…

"I could've said no…I sure as heck wanted to at times…But…"

"It could've been me, huh?..."

"Bernie…" sigh… "Look at me…Little Howard W, nerd, ex-perv…"

"I've had my moments…" she grinned… "Orgies with tall guys…"

"Thanks for reminding me..." grin… "Oh, Bernie…I've worried all my life that when the moment came…When someone I cared for really needed me…Or when the Nazis came banging on my neighbor's door…I'd…" pause…

"You'll never let me down, Howard…Never…" she took and held his hand…

He nodded…

"But that's the thing…See, going out there…I had a chance to prove to myself…When the moment comes…I'll do what I can…" he eyed her… "I may not succeed…I was lucky and had all the help in the world…And I'm sure still that Nazis would make short work of me…" smile… "But…Did you ever see that old show 'The Single Guy'…"

She stared…

"Are you trying to tell me you had a thing for Ming Na Wen?...Yeah, I watched that show…"

"No…Well, yeah…To be honest, come on…Ming Na…But that's not the point…There was an episode where Ming Na's nerdy jerk of a husband and the cast get mugged…And he runs away…Abandons his wife…"

"I remember that one…I couldn't make it out how they thought that was funny…"

"I've always been afraid…"

"You won't ever let me down, Howard…" gripping hand…Firm stare… "I wouldn't marry a man I thought might let me down…Give me a little credit for self-respect…"

"And now, thanks to Lilly…I know I won't…Bernie, I'm no hero, I was scared shitless every second…But I know now I won't not try…" he smiled… "Just consider it a dry run…Please?..."

"I married the bravest man in the world…But I didn't need the world to tell me that…" she smiled…


	15. Chapter 15

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XV…

"I think you have a fan for those Bollywood moves…" Lilly smiled at Raj as they sat…Raj looking over to where the tall agent, seated at a corner table, was regarding them both intently…

"Just what does that fellow want…?" Raj, nervously gulping a swig and glancing…

"I'm precious to my motherland, Rajesh…" she smiled… "The last thing the sacred homeland would want, to lose their international star to an accident or some other untoward occurrence…At least not before the grand event symbolizing her acceptance as a mature global partner…"

"I'm sorry…Will they make you go back?..."

"You wanted to warn the evil temptress off, didn't you?..." she smiled at him coyly, ignoring… "You're a good friend, Dr. K…Even if you can't hold your liquor…I'm glad Howie has a friend like you…I've worried, all these years, that he didn't…"

Raj, puzzled…Eyeing bottle in hand…

Perhaps I've reached my limit…?

"Excuse me?..." he began…

"Hey…" Leonard and Penny had come over to Howard and Bernadette…

"Dr. Hofstadter…Mrs. Dr. Hofstadter to be…" Howard grinned…

"Yeah…Yay…" Penny, nervous grin…Shaking raising fist…

"Care to dance with my fiancee?..." Leonard asked… "As an aspiring actress she needs to be seen with famous celebrities…And I'm now sorta her manager, I guess…"

"May I have this one?..." Penny offered a hand… Leonard nodding to Howard's look…

Hey…

"Sure, if Bernie doesn't…"

"Yeah, I'll sit this one out…" Bernadette, smiling…

"I'll keep her company, go…" Leonard beamed…

"Oh God, look at Sheldon…" he blinked, gazing across the floor at Sheldon, now lifting and twirling Amy about…To applause…

A flushed Amy beaming…

"Well, at least we can try for the sympathy vote…" Howard noted, rising to take Penny's hand…

"Thanks…" Bernadette smiled at Leonard as they watched the new couple join the groups on the floor…

"Are you kidding?...What better way to remind Penny that Howard's the world's worst dancer…" he grinned…

"I guess he told you I was a little…" he eyed her…

"Yeah…" she nodded…Slight giggle… "But Penny was the hilarious one…All that horse hockey trying to act like she wasn't as gaga over Howie as every other woman on the planet...Like I'd believe she'd be spending time checking out even pseudo science on 'You Tube'…"

"You're a good soul, Dr. Rostenkowski…"

"Oh, please…" grin… "To be honest, I was more worried about Penny when she used to despise Howard…But kept talking about him…" she put up a hand at his stare… "Only when she was lonely and you two weren't together…I won't deny I'm glad you two finally worked things out…For selfish reasons as well as loving you both…" smile…

"I guess I just hadn't realized how scared Penny was of trusting me…Or that I'd still left some room for doubt…I won't ever do that again…" sheepish look…

"Don't…I mean that, mister…My friend's been hurt a lot…But I think you'll do…After all, Howard Wolowitz, hero, vouches for you…" she smiled at his grin…

"Thanks…" he paused…

"I know all this recent stuff has been hard on you…" he noted…

"Oh, yeah…" she nodded… "But it's never easy being the other woman…" she eyed his startled face…Wry smile…

August, 2000…Cal Tech computer lab…

"Seriously?...'I'm impressed that you know Hebrew'?..." the text on screen ran… "You think we never made it to China?..."

Grin at screen…Reflected image of frizzy-haired 17 year old Howard Wolowitz in "Gore 2000!" T-shirt…

"Hello…?"

He looked up to see the annoyed face of a lab TA eyeing him from the front of the lab…A group of undergraduate students in tow…

"Hey!...Bwuddy…" call… "Intwerns are wrestricted use in the computer lab…Hours from 2-5 only, no exceptwions…"

"Yeah, sorry…Lost of twrack of twime…" Howard replied, innocently…Several of the students eyeing each other with smiles…The TA frowning at him…

"Gotta go…" he typed quickly… "Der Oberfuhrer TA Krupke hast arrived…Catch ya later when I get to MIT next week…Kosher Yankee signing off…"

"Ciao…Nice Catholic-Jewish China Doll loves ya…U so good-rooking nice Jewish boy…" the reply…


	16. Chapter 16

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XVI…

"They call me Cuban Pete. I'm the king of the rumba beat.

When I play the maracas I go chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom

Yessir, I'm Cuban Pete. I'm the craze of my native street.

When I start to dance, everything goes chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom

The senoritas they sing and they swing with terampero-

It's very nice, so full of spice.

And when they dance in they bring a happy ring that era keros-

Singin' a song, all the day long.

So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete

And I'll teach you to chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom."

"Interesting…" Amy nodded to Sheldon's recital of the lyrics at her inquiry as they danced… "You say this was the signature song of Lucille Ball's former husband during his non-comedic career…"

"If memory holds true…And in my eidetic case it must…He sang it several times during the run of 'I Love Lucy'…I used to watch the show with my mom back in Galveston when I was home sick from school…Which was most of the time…"

"It has a certain rhythmic allure...That is, if I were susceptible to such allure…"

"Amy, the movement of your derriere to the beat, if I may be so bold as say so as your official boyfriend…Suggests you in fact are quite susceptible…"

"Point taken…" she shrugged… "But clearly my derriere is in motion only because I'm in your capable arms…" smile…

"Oh, I sense we're back to that strange crying incident again…"

"No…Though it is related…In this case I would say it's a matter of sexual arousal and emotional bonding…Stimulated no doubt by our interaction with Penny and Leonard…"

Hmmn… "Fascinating…If somewhat disturbing…"

"Indeed…Sheldon…" long stare while swaying for a dip and turn… "Sheldon…I've been honest about accepting your conclusion as to my rotating posterior and the psychosexual effect of your deft mambo moves and manly physique…"

"I don't see…"

"I will refer to Article 1, paragraph IV of the Relationship Agreement…Regards 'Honesty'?...Namely, that the two parties contracted in the agreement establish it as the…Hmmn…'Best policy'…"

"A saying of Meemaw's…She said to put it in when…"

"Sheldon?..." Amy stopped suddenly…Open-mouthed… "You never told me the Relationship Agreement involved any editorial assistance…?"

"Ummn…"

"Sheldon?..."

"Meemaw always told me to speak to her when I got serious about a nice girl…Sorry…I promised…" sheepish voice… "I never break a promise to Meemaw…"

"Oh, Sheldon…" she hugged him… "You mean to say you got your Meemaw's advice about the Relationship Agreement?...With me?...Sheldon…"

"Are you crying again?..."

"I explained before…" she wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands…

"Joy or no…Even with a good cause tears make me nervous…"

"Sorry…But getting back to the honesty clause…" she held up arms to resume the dance…He pulling her along…

"…Everybody go, chick-chicky boom…" the song continued…

"'I Love Lucy'…You know…That title always struck me as odd…Who loves this Lucy person and what is the motivation for loving her?...It is a question?...And if so, who is asking?..."

"Sheldon…" frown… "You're dodging the honesty clause…Your Meemaw's honesty clause…" stern look… "And I'm entitled to an honest answer…Meemaw would want you to give me an honest answer…"

"That's totally unreasonable…Meemaw's not here…"

"We could call her…"

"It's past her bedtime…Amy?...Call Meemaw after her bedtime?...Is there no limit to what you'll do to obtain your ends…?"

"Love understands no limits, Sheldon…But we can leave Meemaw in peace for now…If you'll answer my question…Honestly…"

"I'd like to refrain from committing myself until I've heard the question…"

"Denied…No such allowance under the honesty clause… 'Sorry to wake you so late, ma'am…'" she mimed a phone to ear…

"Oh, all right…Geesch…Well, what's the question?..."

"And he did that?..." Raj stared at Lilly as they sat out the strains of "Cuban Pete"…Sheldon gliding a rather rapt Amy by them…

Penny rather deftly managing to guide Leonard through this slower paced dance, passing them with a beam a moment later…

Ah, Desi Arnaz's theme song…Raj sighed…I remember how Howard convinced me watching that show that 'splaining' was American slang…

"I really gotta get that galoot to give me a spin round the floor later, if the good doctor Fowler doesn't mind too much…" Lilly noted… "Yeah, he helped save my uncle when Unc was in hot water with his agitation for Chinese Jews after Daddy got it…Excuse me, had an 'unfortunate incident' in detention…I mean, of course, Howie was one among many in the letter campaign…But when I asked, he came through…Always has…" she smiled…"Got his uncle to get my dissident cousin a visa and saved his life, at least in my humble…Sent us cash when the government kicked my daddy out of his job for continuing to practice Judaism and we were up against it for a while before he was arrested…"

"And he never met you until he opened your capsule?...Didn't even know where you lived?..."

"Except for getting cousin Bo's name and address to him, I couldn't take the chance…It was hard enough to avoid being caught at times talking to him… Did send him my picture a coupla times…" grin… "Surely my horny lil' Howie showed those off…Though not the ones where I was forty pounds chubbier, I hope…"

"His Asian hottie…" Raj sighed… "Of course, I remember now, he showed me your picture years ago…I never believed him…I thought he'd got it off a porno site or something…" shaking head… Eyeing her carefully… "It was you…Though perhaps…"

"That was for my Howie…" arched eyebrows, seductive pose…Very seductive pose…Raj blinking…

Oh, no doubt about it…

"But here she is, in the hottie flesh…" Lilly smiled… "That was just after he started his Masters' at MIT…I had to kinda cool it after…The government boys were frowning on such unrestricted personal foreign contacts…We still managed to get a message through once in a bit when thngs weren't too hairy…"

"And up there…" Raj pointed up… "He knew it was you?..."

"I got word to him via some engineering message boards we used to meet at years ago…Then, Brother Xu's a Sheldon level genius…He got past the Internet walls untraceably, though you did not hear that from me…But I didn't plan to make him risk his life…I just wanted him to pass the word on the Yanks that I'd try to touch down in the US when I'd be alone in the module…And he did…He had things set up for me with the government here…They help me cut a deal for my folks with Beijing…I give them all nondamaging …" pause… "I'm not a traitor you know, whatever the real People's Court might think…Info I know on the People's Space Program…Such as it is…" grin… "But after I did my little 'tinkering', Mission Control and my superiors got wise and I had to make a break…They were not happy, naturally…"

"They fouled you up, the capsule…?"

"They did what they could when they sensed things were 'suspicious' about my 'equipment failure'…"

"They tried to kill you…?"

"Lets say…They were willing to take certain risks to get me back home into their loving arms…" she noted, quietly…

"And Howard was monitoring you...And when he realized you might not make it…"

"I wasn't gonna make it…I really was dead…" she smiled… "Nothing there was faked, Raj…"

"My dear Krishna…Only Howard Wolowitz could have stumbled into this…A real Spanish…Pardon, Chinese, prisoner story…He really is a hero…"

"Did you ever doubt it?..." she eyed him, a bit sternly… "But I'd never have put him at risk, Rajesh…It was only that Xu was following in the family footsteps, adding to our already voluminous family file…Religious deviation, political unreliability, support for Tibetian independence (me, in the family tradition, crazy young teen protester, she grinned)…And like your galoot on the floor there, couldn't keep his mouth shut with the worst possible people…Even my shining record since my youthful indiscretions, my playing the game, and contacts in the government couldn't protect him and the family anymore…But I knew if I could get away, they'd have to deal…They couldn't risk the negative publicity to the space effort…They'd cut a deal…"

"Trade, you mean…You for the family?..."

"Or at least, my family for my permanent disappearance…Tragically lost in space…A true heroine of the People…That would have worked for them…And since I was on the astronaut team, said all the right things, and had made a few 'good friends' in high places…" wry smile…

"Being from Asia yourself…" she eyed him…

"I can guess what that involved, yeah…" he nodded… "Though it happens here too, for sure…"

She nodded…"Well…I got myself bumped up in the schedule…And the solo spot on the science module for three months, being such a good poster girl for the program…Sold it to my bosses as a great PR op…China's sweetheart in space doin' her lil' Amelia Earhart bit for the People…"

"Then you staged the 'disaster' and they caught on…" he pondered…

"That would have been that for me…" she smiled… "Except…"

"Except Howard was up there…Which you knew…"

"I knew…And maybe, in my heart I knew…" she nodded… "If anything went wrong…Not that that means anything Bernadettewise…" wan smile… "Rats…"

"I'm so sorry for you, Lilly…" he said simply… "I didn't realize…"

"It's life, Rajesh…" she sighed… "I never thought I'd see him in the flesh…He's always been my lil' fantasy lover-boy…Though I'd've cut my heart out and had the family mail it to him if he needed it…Once I even tried to smuggle myself off on a container ship…"

"And he…?"

"He loves Bernadette…I get it…I got it the moment he told me, when we hooked up at that engineering board…When I was ready to tell him I was finally coming…Howie…Coming to…America…The incredibly expensive, hard way…" shrug, wan grin…

"He offered to help right away…Of course I never had a claim, back when we met on the Net we'd never thought we'd be more than e-pals…If somewhat kinkily passionate such…I'm no Madame Butterfly moonin' over my Jewish Yankee lover, eating my heart out back home with a kid to happily hand over to…" pause…

"I don't even have that much…" she eyed Raj… "After all, cold day in Catholic hell before I'd let her take…" she wiped eyes…

"Why'd my kinky lil' Howie have to meet another Catholic girl, Rajesh?...I could take him away from a WASP…No prob…" wan grin, red-eyed stare… "Or at least, make him give me that kid, whom I'd keep, I promise you…Something…"

"Oh…Sweetheart…" Raj sighed…Patting…

"It's not his fault…We were thousands of miles apart…We weren't committed in any way…I never expected him to come and…" biting lip…

"And then, the little idiot did finally come and rescue you…In rather spectacular fashion…" he smiled, wryly…

"Yeah…Raj, I want him to be happy, truly…More than anything in this world and if she can make him happy…Even if you'll have to excuse me if I can't resist twisting the knife in her side a little while I got the chance…And sorry, but I'm keeping my stake in…" she eyed him coolly… "Who knows?...Maybe, one day…He'll need a shoulder to cry on…Someone to rescue him…?" shrug, bleak look… "But hey, no biggie… I'm the global heroine, right…Any guy I want?...No great loss…" she stared at him coolly…

"Thank you…For my dearest friends' sake…" he patted her hand…"But your family…And you?..."

"The game changed when Howie saved me…I'm too well known now to just go into witness/defector protection or whatever…"

"You're going back?...Is that the deal?...You for the family?…"

"Not if I and my lil' hero can help it…Though they'd like that…" she eyed him… "And I'm sure they'd like to screw the deal anyway they can, if they can…Though they really want that cooperation agreement…And that spot on the ISS…All-in-all, they stand to do pretty well by playing along…"

"Well…Anything I can do…Including an appeal to my dad to hit up his pals in the Indian government…"

"Thanks…I may take you up on that…If things go south…"

Raj eyed her… "Did he give you that name? Lilly…?"

"Howie?...No…That was all mine…I always liked it ever since we found out we both loved Leslie Caron in 'Lili'…"

Stare…

"'The song of love is a sad song…Don't ask me how I know…Hi, Lili, Hi, Lili, Hi Lil, Hi Lo…'" she quoted, singing lightly…Quick look down, then up…Tears beat back…Smile…"You should see it, great flick…When he didn't use my e-monicker, Howard always called me Pengy…"

"Pengy?..."

"After the Penguin?... On Batman?...Zap!...Pow!?..." she put up mock fists…

Uh…Raj eyed the patiently watching agent outside who seemed a bit…

"Sorry…" she grinned… "No India-China war imminent, bucko…" she waved an "ok" sign to the agent…Who simply kept staring, no change of expression…

"Back then 'Batman' was big in China when one could get one's hands on it…" she noted… "Howie got me copies and we did trivia on episodes all the time…What?...I don't give 'Penguin' vibes?…He was the smartest of the TV villains on the show, you know…I took it as a compliment…After all…Pleaase…'Catwoman' would be so obvious…And Howie was never one for the obvious…" smile…


	17. Chapter 17

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XVII…

"You looked like you were enjoying yourself with Penny out there…" Bernadette, arch look at Howard seated beside her… "Amazingly enough, Penny too…"

"Hey, I'd waited years for her to finally succumb to the acquired taste that is Wolowitz…" he grinned…

"Yeah…" mock grimace… Sudden bright beam and wave as Leonard and Penny passed…Leonard attempting to follow her lead…

"Just watch how far that taste is acquired, you…" return to mock frown…

"Certainoir, madam…" slight bow… "Geesh, look at Sheldon…" he indicated Sheldon maneuvering Amy on the floor... "I begin to think that there is hope for that guy…"

"You did a good thing when you found Amy for him…" she smiled… "And joke or no, I'll choose to believe there was a genuine desire to help there…"

"I think it was the challenge that appealed to Raj and me…To actually manage to pair Sheldon up with any other living creature…"

"I think they're gone make it…He'd've been alone, his whole life, once Leonard left…You saved him too, you know…And Amy…" warm look…

"You're too good for this world, Bernie, let alone me…" he sighed… "How can I ever live up to this?..."

"Just sayin' it like it is…You're a good man, Wolowitz…" she hugged him, eyeing him carefully… "And it's time you accepted it and stopped telling yourself otherwise…You are a good and brave man…"

"Must be so…If you can tolerate me…Is Raj still off with Lilly?..."

She glanced back to the table where Raj and Lilly sat…Where just now a couple of patrons had recognized the First Lady of Space and Lilly was smilingly signing autographs…Raj carefully maintaining friendly smile, nodding to the eager group striving to decide if he was "anybody"…

"Yep…And likely to be listed as her new main man on ET or one of those things…" she noted, motioning for him to look… "You're in danger of replacement on the tabloids, HW…"

"That would be nice…Don't ya think?..."

"If he were the one going next month with her, I'd be planning the wedding…" she smiled… "But…"

"I won't blow it, Bernie…"

"I believe you…I'm just nervous about how I'll deal with it…And I still want that talk with your old e-pal…"

"Uh-oh…" he ducked a bit… "We've been spotted…" As several members of the growing group clustered about Raj and Lilly glanced their way…A couple tapping their partners' shoulders and pointing…

"Price of fame, sweetie…" she grinned… "Grin, bear it, and try to keep that signing hand flexible…All for NASA and NASA for …NASA…Speakin' of which…Will they keep the deal?..." she eyed him…

"The Chinese or?..."

"Either…Once everybody gets what they want…But will NASA and the feds make sure she's ok?...And her family…?"

"If we don't, I'll blow the thing wide open…" he noted…

"Good…" she nodded… "I don't hate her, Howard…I want you to help her…I just…"

"Don't want her in our bedroom…" he smiled…

"It's bad enough you had to tell me about Katie Sackhoff and George Takei…" she mock-frowned… "Though I did ask to know all…And I guess my own fantasies have had their weirder moments…"

"Yeah…As something of an expert, I would say…" he nodded, shaking head solemnly…To her pout… "But all laid to rest…And so is she…"

She quietly eyeing him…Pause…Long pause…

"It meant a lot more to her than an Internet buddy…" she noted, carefully…

"It did…And I don't deny she meant a lot to me…After all, verifiable proof a pretty and intelligent girl could tolerate me…Even after seeing my photo image…Though I did photoshop a good deal…"

"You never thought it might…Lead to something…?"

"I'd be lying and you'd know I was if I didn't say I sure as hell fantasized about it doing so…Even when she wasn't quite as elegant and slender a flower as she's blossomed into…" he smiled… "But as I've said…She was there, I was here…And I figured we both saw it as more fantasy than anything that would really come to be…And over time, we fell out of touch as I told you…Not completely but to the point it didn't seem even worth fantasizing about…"

"It's not a fantasy…Though I can imagine when she thought she was going to die and you came, carrying her off…"

"Jewish Shrek instead of WASP Prince Charming…" smile…

"That Fiona never wanted Charming…God knows I'd have no fears if she was the type to settle for that…Poor thing…" sigh… "I know she's plenty strong….Still…"

"What's our Chinese Gatsby going to do without you, Daisy Buchanan?...Hello…" she quickly gave a smile to an approaching elderly couple…Howard, wry, troubled smile to her…

"Now there's an image for me I never would have considered…"

"Me for yer thoughts…" Penny, grin to Leonard as they moved along…

"Sorry…" Leonard excused himself to the middle-aged woman he'd just backed into…

"Have I been unfair to Howard, too…?" he eyed her as they continued… "…All these years, I mean…"

"Nah…He was genuinely creepy, a lot… " she smiled… "Just as my Lenny was a bit too obsessed with winning the sex game…Proving he was better at than those guys who pushed him around…But in both cases…Ow!...No, ok…" she noted to his apologetic look… "Don't hurt a bit…In both cases…The better guy inside just needed someone to recognize him…Though with Wolowitz it took more than one someones…"

"Still…I'm very lucky Bernadette showed up when she did, aren't I?..." he noted…

She paused suddenly, eyeing him…

"Just this once…" he returned the stare… "And I know that includes Sheldon as well…Don't think I was never jealous of him and you either…"

"Yeah…Sooner or later…Regardless of our Chinese Lilly tipping the scales his way…He would have done something…Frankly, he came close that time I hurt his feelings and he nearly had me falling for his pathetic nerd act…If only as one artist to another applauding a good performance…And once I'd gone that far and seen what Bernadette got to see…" she nodded, smiling… "But only if you'd really blown it…As for Sheldon, well…Now there, you really could've been in trouble, if he'd only had just a dollop of Wolowitz/Hofstadter…" smile… "But my bestie came riding in to save him and the day…Thank God…" grin…

"Penelope Hofstadter sounds so much neater than Penelope Cooper…"

"Raj is still with her…" Bernadette, another glance back as Howard smilingly finished signing a napkin for a beaming young girl… The autograph hounds temporarily satiated…

"He offered to s'plain things to her…Though she does understand, Bernie…Even if she can't resist tweaking you a little…As you do her…"

"Yeah…" faint smile to his look, shrug… "I hope she does…I still want a word with her, though…"

"Right…"

"Seriously…I need to hear from her that you're not in any danger here or up there…Guaranteed, Howard…"

"I'm not…But…" he put up a hand at her stare… "As you wish…Mrs. R-W…"

"Darn tootin', husband…C'mon…" she extended a hand to his… "Mamba or I'll mangle…" narrow look…

"A beautiful girl who can wear a veil well and paraphrase the Three Stooges…What more in life can a man want?..." he led her to the floor…

"Amy…" Sheldon sighed as they stood on the edge of the dance floor, near the front exit of the tavern…

"Is it that hard a question to answer?..." she eyed him…Watching the other couples gliding by to the last of "Cuban Pete…"

"I thought I'd answered it every day we've been together…Even more so since we made a physical extension of our relationship and especially so since the other night when as I noted you finally…"

Sly smile… "That was very devious of you to turn it round like that, you minx…" she grinned…

"But you hadn't said it…For all your complaints as to my lack of participation in our relationship…"

Hmmn…

"True enough, I guess…Then you do want us to lead to something long-term, even permanent…?" stern look…

"I want us to be every day, forever…Hasn't it been clear?...Amy Farrah Fowler, I don't let just anyone walk, waltz, or even mambo into my life…Do you?..."

"Certainly…I mean as to the everyday, forever…No as to letting just anyone…"

"Then why were we putting ourselves through all this rigamarole?..."

"Sheldon…A woman wants to be asked…To have the relationship publicly acknowledged…Especially when her lover might try to vamoose to East Texas on the slightest emotional provocation…"

"It is a good place for vamoosing, especially by train…Well, I understand in Leonard's and Howard's cases…Naturally with such insecure types a potential mate would want some irrefutable proof of partnership…But with clear soulmates like us…On our level…And matched by multiple techniques…"

"This from the man who wants everything written down in ironclad terms and triple notarized?...Now what would your mother say to that?..." frown…

"Oh, I took care of that long ago…"

"What?...How so?..."

"Well, after we signed the Relationship Agreement, it was logically a certainty we'd be formally mating at some point so I told Mom to book the hall at her church…Which isn't available until July 2013 by the way…"

"You what?!..."

"It's only for my family and yours if you think so…Naturally anyone we care about having will come to Pasadena…We'll use video teleconferencing…"

"You booked our wedding when you signed the Relationship Agreement?..."

"Only the one for my family…That hall is hard to get, you should know…Mom's church only rents it part-time from the Knights of Columbus…Besides, long as our ceremony is being teleconferenced we could do it anytime and just play it back for them while we cut in in real time to answer any toasts, that sort of thing…Thus never having to encounter my family in force in the flesh…Not bad, eh?..."

Hmmn…

Point taken…

"Actually, not bad at all…" she nodded… "Alright then…But we are having my family in the flesh…They'd never believe it otherwise…"

"I see…Very well…Excuse me…" he turned…

"She said Yes!..." he screamed to the startled crowd on dance floor…. "Oh, thank you Jesus!..." leaping in the air…

Leonard, Penny…Howard, Bernadette…Eyeing each other and them from their respective places on the dance floor…

Amy, nervous grin round…Uh, Sheldon…

"What's with the galoot up there?..." Lilly nudged Raj as she signed a middle-aged man's copy of "People"…She and Howard prominent on the cover…

"You really did know Lilly Peng and that Howard Wolowitz…" a rather lovely, slightly drunk young brunette gazed at Stuart, seated in his one good suit beside her…Eyeing her Lilly-and-Howard respectively signed napkin…

"Oh, yeah…Well, I supply their comic book needs…" he nodded…


	18. Chapter 18

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XVIII…

"Everyone set?...What?..." Leonard looked at Penny seated next to him in his car giving him a sidelong glance…

"Sheldon jumped four feet in the air…" she noted…

"Four feet, two inches by my calculation…" Amy in back, contentedly…

"Hope you don't mind…" Lilly to Bernadette…A somewhat sheepish Howard held firmly in Lilly's lap…"Just don't have the lap capacity for anyone else…"

"Oh, not at all…I kinda like it up here…" Bernadette, Raj-perched, brittle smile…

Perhaps slightly more genuine at Howard's wince…

Don't have the 'lap capacity'….Geesh… And she deliberately took the side seat…

"It is a surprisingly comfy way to travel…" Sheldon noted from his own perch…

"Thank you for the implied complement to my lap comfort index, fiancee…" Amy, pleased…

"Certainly, fiancée…"

"Alls I'm sayin'…My bestie's fiancée, four feet in the air… when she said…" Penny noted, quietly…

"Hhahh…" sigh… "Oh, did anyone tell Stuart we were headin' out?..." Leonard called…

"He was still busy selling those comics Lilly and Howard signed…" Raj…

"That was nice of you…" Bernadette to Lilly…Who shrugged…

"Not a problem…I respect his entrepreneurial spirit…"

And if you'd stop trying to squeeze your boobies into my husband's back…And good for him, he's not yet accepted your suggestion he'd be more comfortable facing you…

"…And he's kicking back 10% of the profits…" grin…

"God Bless America…" Howard, grin…

"One that I Love…" Lilly, beaming…

"It's 'land'…" Bernadette, hastily…

"Oh, right…" coy smile…

"Look, I would have jumped…I will jump…" Leonard, sighing…

"Unless that's with a rope, Leonard…" Sheldon noted… "The moment's passed…"

"Sheldon Cooper, for Romance…" Amy, rather proudly…

"Say, Penny…" Lilly, an effort to sound off-hand…Howard gasping a bit at her sudden tickle…

Narrow look from Bernadette…

"Hmmn?..."

"Any chance, given tomorrow afternoon's when everyone should be coming in, you could put me up?...I'd like to get away from that hotel for one night…"

"Uh…Sure…It's just…Amy and I…"

"The newly engaged besties must dish fianceewise…" Amy noted, a bit concerned…

So much to do, particularly in scheduling…

As in, either me first…Or we have a six months' gap to allow my bestie's inevitable radiance (lets face it, the woman would look magnificent in a garbage bag for a wedding gown) to fade…

Though groomwise…Please…

"But I can make room if you don't mind the couch, I guess…" Penny, quickly…

Leonard, equally puzzled, feeling Penny's tightened grip on his free hand, glanced at her at the first stop…She giving quizzical sidelong "what the…?" glance…

Hmmn…Well, easier to get her alone there for our lil' chit-chat than the hotel…And not likely she'd have more success luring Howie to Penny's than her hotel…Bernadette thought…

"I've had lots worse…Though I never say no now to the Presidential suite…" smile… "Thanks…If it's ok, Amy?..."

"I suppose so…Three does make a slumber party…And Sheldon is a bit concerned inwardly by my frequent hints at a possible lesbian relationship between me and Penny…" Amy, matter-of-factly…

"Just a joke…" Penny, hastily…

"No, actually a clever psychosexual ploy on my part to get a response from him…And it did have some effect, right, fiancée?..."

"To a degree…Leonard was actually more of a threat…I never really thought you had a chance with Penny…" Sheldon noted…

Bwaha…Howard gasped at Lilly's renewed poke…She taking advantage of the distraction…

"Great, thanks guys…" Lilly, pleasantly…

"You know…So long as this is gonna be a 'girls slumber party'…" Bernadette noted…

"Geesh…I bet Sheldon would fight for post –Yes sex…" Penny, hissing…

"You just told them…Ow!..." Leonard began, aloud…Yelping at her sudden elbowing…

"Great, the more the merrier…" Penny, aloud…Grim look out on the road…

"Terrific…" Lilly nodded, smile to Bernadette… "We can rake Wolowitz over the coals all night long…"

"Lucky me…Bwha…" Howard gasped at yet another tickling poke…

Bernadette grimly noting that the poke had ended in a gentle, momentary caress…

"So get 'em drinking and sneak out when they pass out…I'll leave the door unlocked…" Leonard hissed…

"Now that's what I call romance…Hofstadter style…" grim whispered reply…

"Leonard?..." Sheldon from his perch atop Amy's lap…Leaning forward… "Could you possibly keep your fight with your fiancée deferred until we're safely home…I find I have considerable reasons to go on living as of tonight…"

"Oh…" Amy, sighing…

"Yeah, right…" Leonard, annoyed…

"Sheldon…That is so sweet…" Penny…Narrow glance to Leonard…

"I'm getting married by July 2013…Ding, dong the bells are gonna chime…" Amy, low-throated singing…

"Sheldon's got their church and hall booked already…" Penny hissed…

"Look, I'll do it tomorrow if you like…" Leonard sighed…

"Sorry about imposin'…" Lilly noted… "And don't mind my shadow outside…He's harmless for now…"

"Is he gonna be standing outside my door all night?..." Penny asked, looking toward the closed apartment door…"It's sorta creepily like Sheldon some days…"

"He or his partner…I'm not quite sure when they change shifts…"

"Is he to keep people from coming to you or you…?"

"I dunno…He hasn't tried to stop me going or anyone comin' so far…I think he's mainly just takin' notes for now…" grin… "Howie said we oughta try and find out…Me distracting him while he reads his logbook…"

"I hope he was kiddin'…" Penny stared…

"Well, unfortunately he and the other one never take off their overcoats…And I've no desire to try ransacking their pockets while telling either him or the middle-aged lady they make my heart go pitter-pat…I did tell Howie I thought the lady kinda went for him so he could try…"

"There was a time…" Penny grinned…

"Oh, yeah…" Lilly nodded… "But I knew he'd turn out all right…"

"So he did…Lilly…" Penny sighed… "Before Amy undocks from Sheldon back at Leonard's…And Bernie comes tryin' not to spoil for a fight…You wanna tell me?..."

"Hmmn?..."

"That guy and his girl…They're here to make sure you keep up your end, aren't they?..."

"Which I'd say…" light tone…

"I mean…That you go back, right?..."

Careful look…

"Whatever you've been telling Howard, that's the deal, isn't it?..."

"He can't know…" Lilly shook her head… "He'd try to screw things and it could mean a lot worse than blowing his NASA career…"

"Our people are in on this?...They're letting this happen?...NASA?..." Penny stared…

"No one in the US…Exceptin' maybe one…" Lilly, wan smile… "Wants to fight a war, hot or clandestine, over a Chinese poster girl…And it's nothing official, just understood…So long as my family gets out and stays out, I'm ok with it…"

"But the ISS mission…You'll be on the station…"

"I suspect I'll have a slight indisposition that'll necessitate my replacement once I get back home…"

"Slight indisposition…You mean?..."

"You mentioned you liked our actress, Gong-Li?...Ever see what happened to her in the last scenes of 'Shanghai Triad'…One of our really great flicks…"

"I saw that with Leonard once…Lots of subtitles…Wait…" Penny blinked…

"These guys aren't those lovable Nazis you see on TV…" Lilly smiled… "And I ruffled a few self-important highly placed ex-boyfriends' feathers very severely when I ran out on them…One of them made a point of passing on that final scene to me in a video clip…"

"They wouldn't…"

"Forget Karl Marx and dear ole murderous Lenin and People's Revolution and think, Mafia, sweetie…And you don't steal from or embarrass the Mafia without consequences…And I've stolen myself and my family and embarrassed them…"

"You're famous…"

"For a month or two…Then, who in the world will care, what with the new fall TV season and all…?" Lilly eyed her…

"Exceptin' one person…" she smiled wanly… "Who isn't gonna know till it's over and with luck, never will know…All of it…Anyway, he'd understand…Saving the family is what good Jews, even converted Catholic ones, try to do…And I've finally had a chance to see him in the flesh, right?..."

"Lilly…There's gotta be something…" Penny, horrified… "Your family will be here…Can't you just screw the deal and…"

"They won't let them go till I'm safe in their hands…No…I won't trade my whole family for my life…Much as I wanted to when I woke up and saw my Jewish Prince had come for me in that capsule…No…And I can't let him suffer for it…He can't know and Bernadette can't either, till the deal is done, my family's safe here and I'm…Headed back to the tender bosom of my Motherland…" brittle smile…

"That's why you kept pushing Bernie…To keep her angry and off-balance, from guessing…?"

"She'd tell Howie, if only for the sake of not wanting me to haunt her marriage forever…Sorry…That's a cross my Catholic sis will have to bear…"

"But they'll kill you?...Lilly…"

Shrug…"They might keep me alive, for a while…Clean me up and trot me out for photo ops every now and then…I might even get those six months with Howie on the ISS…And if I'm very lucky I might survive long term as one of the boys' whores, not on my old level of course, for a while…These are gangsters, Penny…And this is how they operate…You have to promise me you'll say nothing…"

"Lilly…"

"Howie can't save me from this and I will not have him hurt or, worse, suffer his whole life, blaming himself…Please, Penny…It may be ok, as I say…I may just be taking the gloomy side…"

"How can your family let you do this?...They'd let you die?...Or worse?...Wasn't it your brother and the others who started all this?..."

"You don't understand, sweetie…The fight is sacred, Penelope…It has to be, or nothing will ever change…Not just for my family but for all my people, even if many of them may not know or care right now…And as for the family, my daddy died to save everyone else, Penny…I've made myself a whore to protect them…It's what we do…The family survives…The memory of the loved who gave of themselves is honored…One day Howie will know and he'll explain it to you…A fellow Jew understands these things…"

"When he knows…"

"He'll be a mite pissed that he risked his life for me for nothing…But then he'll see…He didn't save me…He saved everyone I care about…And I did get to see him, Penny…I might have died never seeing him for real…I do gotta admit, though…If he'd been free…" teary smile… "Maybe…I might not be able to be so… 'Noble'…" wry shrug…

"Oh, God…" Penny shook her head…Grabbing Lilly's shaking hands… "Lilly, there has to be some way…Let me talk to Leonard…He might have some ideas…"

"You're a nice kid, Penelope…But no, they won't hesitate to stage an 'accident' and kill everyone before they get in if I don't keep my end…It's my decision and my life…Just…" shrug, smile…

"Tell my Polish sis when this is over that she'd better keep up her end and make him happy or I will come back and take him from her…Ghost or whatever…"


	19. Chapter 19

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XIX…

A contented Amy in nightgown, lying on bed…Thumbing through Penny's old bridal magazines lately consulted for Bernadette's wedding…Lilly in robe and gown, seated, likewise thumbing magazine…

Bernadette perched on edge of bed in robe and nightie…Idly watching Amy…Nervously rubbing fingers…

"Here's one…" Amy held up magazine…

"That's a beaut…" Lilly looked over… "But you'd be better off with a lower waistline…"

"True enough…Bernadette?..."

"Yeah, lower line…" she nodded…

"Can't believe the galoot sprung it on you like that…All planned out like that…I didn't think he had it in him…" Lilly smiled to Amy…

"Sheldon is very deep…Emotionally as well as mentally…" Amy noted…

"Uh-huh…" grin to Bernadette who merely stared…

"Yeah…"

"Say, Amy…Could you give us five and see if Penny's got the cocoa ready?...Bernie wants to speak to me…" Lilly smiled…

"About Howard?...Perhaps I should stay and referee?..." Amy , careful look to Bernadette…

"Nah…She just wants to lay down the law to me…Just give us a few, will ya?..."

"All right…" Amy rose…A bit reluctantly… "But while I understand your natural jealously please don't spoil this night, Bernadette… "

Bernadette, frowning now…

"I'm just pulling your pretty leg, sweetie…Bernie just wants to know how to handle the big day tomorrow since she's afraid three will be a crowd at the ceremony…" Lilly, kindly… "Ok?..."

"There's no need for clever subterfuge…But fine…I'll see if Penny's willing to consider s'mores as well…" Amy … "Bernadette?..."

"Yeah…I get it, Amy…Don't spoil your evening…Thanks…"

"I meant to say, take as much time as you need to settle things…I understand how hard this is for you…" Amy, simply…Shy smile…" But I believe Lilly doesn't want to hurt you…"

"Thanks, kiddo…" Lilly, smiling…As Amy headed out…

"Sorry…" Bernadette called…

"She's a sweetie…And not as clueless as first impressions might give…" Lilly noted…"So, sis of the religious persuasion…?" she grinned… "You wish to dish?..."

"I'm afraid for Howard…Tell me nothing will happen to him in this…" Bernadette, quickly, fiercely… "He's risked his life for you once…That's more than enough…"

"Nothing will happen to him…I'll die first…" Lilly replied, simply… "Can't do better than that, sister…"

Bernadette nodding slowly…"And it'll all be ok?..."

"Sure…" smile… "Just gotta dot the is and cross the ts…And smile for the cameras…" Lilly making Sign of the Cross…Tapping the is for start, crossing herself… "Course I can't keep him from inviting me and the family over later on…You'll have to try nagging him outta that…" grin…

"I don't hate you, Lilly…I understand what's at stake here…I mean, the real stakes…"

"Thank you…" smile…

Long stare… "Lilly…?"

"I love him more than my own life…Always…And because I do, I won't screw things for you…Satisfied?..."

"I guess…"

"Doesn't mean I won't have a little fun with him while I can…" grin…

"I'm not sorry I'm here…I won't apologize…"

"Good…" nod… "That means I can count on you…" smile…Leaning forward to kiss her gently on the cheek… "Don't let me down, Bernadette…Fellow Sister of the Order of Wolowitz…"

Bernadette, staring…Slight gasp…

"Girls?..." Amy poked her head in… "Penny has agreed to make s'mores under my direction…"

"Yum…Comin'…" Lilly nodded…Rising…

What do I do?...Bernadette stared…Oh, God, what do I do?...

"Come on, Bernie…S'mores…" Lilly put out a hand which she took, blankly…

Oh, God…My God…Why have you put this on me?...

(Opening bars of intro to long version of John Barry's "You Only Live Twice…")

Kazakhstan Space Center…

Russian team busily checking equipment consoles…NASA and Chinese Space Authority officials standing by, with their senior Russian counterparts, happily giving interviews to a phalanx of world media…

Bernadette, Leonard, Raj, Penny, Sheldon, Amy all seated in what passes for the VIP observation area…

Music streaming …Slow opening….As if a flower gently opening buds in slow-mo film…With momentary grim dum…da…da…dum…Gentle flow resuming…

"Why are they playing that?..." Bernadette, nervously…

"I should say it's appropriate…" Amy notes from her chair…Sheldon nodding… "Given that for Howard and Lilly this is their second chance at risking death…"

"What?..." Bernadette, blinking…

"Amy…" Penny sighing… "Though she is right, Bernie…The odds are against them…But I'm putting my money on Wolowitz…My hero…" deeper sigh…Adjusting gown…

Echoed by numerous female staff in control center…

"Penny?..." Bernadette stares…

Leonard sighing, as he scratches in corduroy suit…But resigned…

What ya gonna do?...

"Hey, Bernie!..." Howard, chirpy from screen now opening over vast section of control center…

She looking up…

At Howard in Bondian tux smiling from his surprisingly large and comfortably furnished like a fine hotel bedroom Soyuz capsule…Lilly in slinky dress beside him…Hand on his arm…Quiet smile…

"Say, dudes?...Can we get cable on part of this?...There's a great Bollywood fic on today…" Raj, setting beer down, waving satellite TV guide, calls to several technicians…

"Babylon 5 here!..." Leonard calls… "Oh, no…" Sheldon, insistent…

"This isn't our apartment, Sheldon…" Leonard, equally insistent…

"Guys?!..." Bernadette staring round… "Howard, what the heck are you doing?..."

"Blasting off, sweetheart…" he beams… "It's always easier the second time round…After all, I'm in the club now…And this time I rate the luxury capsule"

"Oh, yeah…" Lilly, seductively…Rubbing his hand against her cheek slowly… "A charter member…"

"T-minus whatever we say in Russian sixty seconds before blast-off!..." Loudspeaker crackles…

"Howard!...What's going on?!...Someone, abort this countdown!...Howard, you're in danger!..." Bernadette cries…Rising… "Hey, tovarich or whatever!...Stop the blastoff…" she calls to the burly figure of the chief technician…He eyeing her briefly…Shrugging…

American women…Much as I like that dominatrix aspect, at times…

"Bernadette, what's the matter…?" Amy , Penny…Chorus as they come to her…

"Can't you see?...That bitch is taking him away!...This is a trap, a trick!...Howard!...Amy?...Why are you still wearing your bridal gown?..." she eyes gown…

"I've vowed never to take it off…" Amy solemnly…

Leonard eyeing Penny…

She's never taking it off…

Fine…Return frown… "I'm still wearin' my bridal undies…" Penny notes…

Bernadette backing away… Nervously glancing round…

"Rajesh!...Leonard!...Sheldon!...Stop them, this is a trick!...She's taking Howard!..."

"That's quite likely…" Sheldon nods… "But he is going voluntarily…"

"No can do, Bernie…Though I'd generally do anything for you…" Raj shakes head… "You let him go…It's too late now…"

"No, no!..."

Everyone's in on it…Or insane…

"T-minus twenty seconds…Leaky fuel tank passed…Go for lift off!..."

"No!...Howard!..."

"Bernie, honey…I'm ok…" his voice, calm…Suave, even…Lilly onscreen beside him straightening his bow tie… "And this time…I'm ready for anything…" Pulling up pistol, complete with silencer…

"In space, no one is gonna hear this baby…"

"So prepared…A true engineeeeerrr…" Lilly purrs…Licking his ear…Kissing his pistol's silencer nozzle and wrapping lips round it…Pulling away a moment later…Eyeing Bernadette with triumphant look…

Theme deepens…Crashing opening to main song…

Rocket motors blaring…The ship on part of the vast screen is seen elegantly lifting up and away…

"You only live twice…Or so it seems…" Lilly intones to the music…Sweeping weightlessly around Howard…Running hand through his perfect hair, with no effect on its perfection…

He still seeming Bondianly impervious to Bernadette's slight relief…

"Geesh…I never knew she could sing like Nancy Sinatra…" Leonard notes…

"One life for yourself…And one for your dreams…"

"You drift through the years and life seems tame…

Till one dream appears and Love is its name…" she moves to kiss Howard…

He not responding…To Bernadette's greater relief…

"And love is a stranger…Who'll beckon you on…"

Seductive leer…

"Don't think of the danger…" Lilly wrapping herself about Howard…Sudden twist of head to face him…

He regarding her rather blaisely…

"Coming up on booster separation!...Or whatever we say in Russian!..." the loudspeaker crackles…

"Howard?!...She's dangerous!...Shoot her!..."

"Bernadette?..." Amy and Sheldon together next to her now, clucking in unison… "Explosive decompression?..."

Bitches be crazy…Leonard notes solemnly to Raj…"Hey!..." Penny, frowning…

"Not you, dearest!..." Leonard, whining voice…

"Damned straight…" grim look returned…

"…Not to mention total and fiery destruction…" Amy and Sheldon continue…

"Correction…Shove her out the air lock, the second you make orbit!..." scream to screen…

"Or the stranger…Is gone…" Lilly, slow and passionate kiss on his lips…Sudden twist of head to stare at Bernadette…Narrow stare…

"You bet you're gone, bitch!..." Bernadette shrieks at screen… "If I have to steal one of the shuttles in the Air-Space Museum or pay your guys to send me up!..."

"Bernie…?" Howard eyes her…Questioning look…

"You said you'd leave this to me…Do you or don't you trust me?..." solemn look…Faint smile…Gun barrel pointing up….

Lilly sensuously laying head against his chest…Pulling herself across him…Weightlessly…He disregarding her efforts…

Pause…Lilly eyeing her…Calmly…

Well?...

"I trust you, Howard…" Bernadette sighs…

"This dream is for you…So pay the price…" Lilly, smiling at Bernadette…

"Make one dream come true…You only live twice…"

Hatch opens…She in spacesuit now…Though Howard still in tux…

"You only live twice…Or so it seems…

One life for yourself…And one for your dreams…

You drift through the years…And life seems tame…

Till one dream reappears and Love is its name…"

She stands at open hatch…

Howard touching her gloved hand briefly…

"And love is a stranger…Who beckoned me on…

Don't think of the danger…" she opens her helmet facemask, lifting Howard's hand to her lips…

Tears running down her cheeks as he eyes her compassionately but calmly…

"…Or the stranger…Is gone…" she releases that hand…But holds the other with her other…

"No…" Bernadette, stepping closer to screen… "Lilly?...No, wait…Howard?..."

"Orbit achieved!..." the loudspeaker crackles…

"This dream's not for me…I pay the price…" Lilly, gently...

"Make one dream come true…" she smiles at Bernadette…Stepping to the hatch…Howard releasing her hand… "We only live…twice…"

"No!...Howard, stop her!..." cry… As Lilly disappears off into the void…Howard sadly staring after her…

"It's not my fault!..." Bernadette, tears running… "Howard!...It's not my fault!...Oh, please!..."

"It's ok, Bernie…" he smiles at her, gently…Wanly…

"Howard…I'm sorry…Sorry…I couldn't…"

"I understand…" nod…

"Poor thing…Poor thing…My poor Lilly…" he sighs…Staring out…Closing eyes…A tear running…

Oh!...Bernadette, bolt upright in bed, staring at the wall…

Snore from the sleeping Howard, beside her…

Oh, my God…Oh, my God…Covering face with frantic hands…

What have I done?…What have I done?...

Oh, God forgive me…Forgive me…

Oh, please…Please don't let him hate me…Please don't let him hate me for not…

Deeds…Not words…Deeds…Like a good Catholic girl…

My good Catholic friend…Whose deeds show me up?… Like Hell!... It's not too late yet…It can't be…

"Howard?!...Howie!...Wake the hell up!...You've got to stop her!..."

"Bernadette?..." Amy stared at her, raising head from cushion …


	20. Chapter 20

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XX…

A hard and steady banging on his door brought a bleary-eyed Leonard in robe face-to-face with a rather frantic Bernadette, likewise in robe…Carrying bag in left hand…

"Where's Howard?..." she, urgently…Shoving past him into the room…

"Bernadette?..." glance to watch, rubbing glasses… "It's five-thirty…AM…"

"Yeah, yeah…Excuse me…" she went to his bedroom door…Knocking…

Oh, Lord…Roll of eyes…

"Did you fight with Lilly last night?..." he tried, vaguely…

"Howard?!..." she called…Though at far less than her full volume, clearly not wishing to be heard clear across the hall…

Groans from within Leonard's room…

"Bernadette…Whatever Lilly said…"

"What?..." she eyed the still sleep-befuddled Hofstadter… "Leonard, it's ok…"

Hmmn?...

She's pounding on my door to roust my house guest Howard out of bed at 5:30 am and it's "ok"?...

Uh-oh…

"Bernie…Penny didn't…Say anything last night?..."

"Howard?...Are you up?!...I need to speak to you!..."

"Ma?..." Call… "For cryin' out loud…" groan…

"It's me!...Come on out!..."

"Bernie?...Ow!..."

"Holy Krishna!...Watch those feet!..." Raj's groan from inside…

"Sorry, Raj…" she called…Turning to eye Leonard…

"What's that about Penny?...No, don't be ridiculous…" she concluded before he could speak…

Ok…So my girl didn't spill her guts in some kind of guilty confessional last night…Good…

But this sure can't be about her gown and the seating arrangements today…

Though, with Bernadette…And her competition today…

Door opening…Howard, in pyjamas peering out…

"Bernie?...What the hell?..."

"Come on out into the hallway…I need to speak to you…Now…"

Great…And I just signed on to this sort of thing…Permanently…Leonard sighed…As Howard gave another groan and came out into the room, reluctantly…

"Sorry again, Raj!..." Bernadette called, shutting door as final groan came… "Come on…" she urged Howard…

"Leonard…" nod as she led Howard to the front door…

"Try and get over that stuff with Penny…" she noted hastily… "She loves you…I sure as heck don't worry about it…"

"Worry about what?..." Howard, looking at both… "Hey, have we got any…?"

"Here…" she handed him a cup of coffee pulled from the bag… "Not too much, it's gas station coffee…I went to the Chevron station…"

"You're an angel…" he murmured, gratefully…Taking swig… "Now what the friggin' hell…Pardonnez-moi, Leonard…Do you want?..."

"Outside…Private…" she insisted, pulling him out the door…

"No offense, Leonard…Sorry again…" she shut the door…

"Danger, danger!..." sudden cry…As Leonard sighing, turned…

"Sheldon, it's ok!..." he called… "Go back to sleep…"

"What was that?..." Sheldon groaned, sitting up…

"Bernadette…" Amy, beside him… "She's upset about Lilly again…Though apparently it's not strictly jealousy this time…From what she said before getting up I gather she had an ominous dream…" sigh…

Return sigh…"Some people have no consideration…If not Penny, Bernadette…If Howard matures, Leonard gets worse…And I don't even want to consider the task that is Rajesh…Oh, Amy, when will these people grow up and learn to resolve their problems without requiring our guidance?..."

She pulled up on the pillow a bit…"I fear it's a lifelong burden, my darling…A consequence of our intellectual and emotional gifts…We are doomed to our role as the eternal guardians of our little world…Our labors unseen and unrecognized, the only rewards the continued survival of those we guide…"

"I suppose so…Can't see why it has to cramp our intimate encounters, though…"

"Well, Howard was sleeping here tonight…" Amy noted… Beaming…"By the way, Moonpie…Thanks for managing to leave the doors unlocked so I could come in when she woke me without disturbance…"

"Only for you, sweetness…But Leonard had left the door unlocked for Penny... I was expecting you earlier, by the way…"

"Wild girls' night…" sigh… "We had s'mores and Kahlua-laced cocoa plus addictive girlie talk…I'm sorry…But I did come over as soon as I recovered…And Lilly's fifth cocoa did provide that very unique adaptation of the technique Leonard googled to please Penny…" sly smile…

"You know I think Leonard still doesn't realize I've been sleeping with you here every night for the past four months…"

"His lack of any sense of home security is troubling…" nod… "I always make a final inspection which is why Penny always makes her intent to engage in coitus here known since the dread 'Leonard!...I'm drunk and I miss you, open up and lets get to it!' 2am incident of 2009…"

"I do get a degree of thrill wondering if he ever will lock up…Or better yet, catch me…"

"Oh, yes…Your penchant for finding the bad girl role titillating at times…" sidelong look…

Return smile…

"Well now, before we inevitably get dragged into resolving this new crisis, where were we?..." she eyed him…

"I believe you were being very bad…" he noted…Archly…

A glance round revealing no bodyguard, male or female, on duty, Bernadette paused in the hallway…Facing Howard who trudged slowly after…

"So you think Lilly's deliberately lied to me about her people breaking the deal?..." Howard, rubbing eyes…Staring…Hmmn…This doesn't look like our place…Oh, right…

Cautioning her to silence with a hand up, he waved her to the stairwell, leading her to the next floor…She in her turn following, a bit more perturbed by this concern…

If I wasn't absolutely sure about the danger before, I am now…

He stopped on the lower floor, motioning her near…Ok…

"And you came over to tell me to stop her from letting them take her?..." faint smile…

"I don't what we can do, but there must be something…You said you'd never let NASA reneg on the deal…Howard, she's ready to throw herself to the wolves back home to save her family and I think NASA or the government or both have agreed to it…Her life's in danger…"

"And you think I don't know this…?" he eyed her carefully…Surprising her…

"You know…?"

"Bernie, you know I've known Lilly Peng for years…And as I have told you our association was a mutual internet liars' club from day one, with me claiming to be a well-hung, fit, six-foot two American millionaire..."

Slight giggle… "I still can't believe In your first email you sent her a picture of young Franklin Roosevelt as you…"

"She thought it was clever…Not the obvious choice of a current TV or movie or rock star…Unfortunately she was a lot more up on US history then I'd guessed…Though please…Her claiming to be the then party chairman's daughter (and forty pounds lighter) even when I could see from data files she was being forced to win Warcraft points for trading for her labor camp supervisors?…And we've nailed each other's lies since our first flirtation on 'East meets '…Though we never lied about being interested in engineering…"

"IF that's supposed to make me feel better about the two of you…"

"I'm just explaining how I know…Over time, the mutual lying…Well, it sorta became a kind of bond…Even a sorta total trust…It's hard to explain…But I know her, Bernie…"

Oh, God…A relationship that's 'hard to explain'?...Oh, if I coulda just had more Kahlua last night and slept right through her tragic self-sacrifice today…

Sigh…Well…God dammit, no way is that woman going to compound her grip on Howie's past by now dying tragically and thus haunting my marriage forever if I have any say in it…

And of course it would be terrible to see the poor kid and/or her family condemned to quick or lingering death…

I guess…She eyed Howard's patient, waiting face…

Ok…Right, better to be in on this rescue effort than to be sent a postcard from the couple on the run…Or watch the movie years from now in my singles apartment…

Besides…It wouldn't be because you wanted her…Faint smile…Yes, I do believe that…And I do trust you, my sweet husband…

Because, I know you through and through, too…And when you're lyin'…And I know you do want to be with me…Whatever guilt or obligation you feel for the girl you couldn't save…Who's spent all her life waiting for her Shrek of a prince to come and help her escape…

"So you have a plan?...And after promising me you'd be in no danger…?" she frowned…

"I doubt I'll be in danger…Though Lilly's and her family's lives are at stake…"

"And you thought I couldn't be trusted…"

"I thought you loved me too much to let me take even a small risk…You did say you'd turn her in if you thought I'd be in any danger, remember…"

"We keep coming back to danger, no matter how many times you insist there is none…Fine…" she put up a hand to his sigh…

"I want in…Either tell me everything and give me something to do or…"

"I was planning to…" firm, steady stare…She eyeing him a long while…Finally nodding…

"Thanks…" smile… "Though you might have given me more time…I'm wearing my good gown today and it's too late to change…So if it gets ruined in the crossfire…"

"I'll owe you…But you're not gonna be in any crossfire…Cause there won't be…"

"Howard…They're not just gonna give her up and walk off singin' a happy tune…Lilly made that quite clear to me last night, without sayin' anything…"

"Oh, yes they will…Maybe not really happy in that tune…But they will…"

She stared at him…

"My God, you're not tryin' to soothe me…You really do have an idea…"

"Madame…" he bowed…

"You have…'Back-up'…Is that it?..."

"There are a few fellas at NASA who think letting this girl be handed over for some PR and funding is a pretty sucky way to support human rights, even if there's some saber rattling likely, and they are ready to help, but that's not it…"

"Well?..."

"You forget, Madame…I'm an engineer and what's more, sometimes…I'm…Crraazzy…" Intense stare…


	21. Chapter 21

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XXI…

Oh…God…Penny, opening bleary eyes, raising head from mattress on the bedroom floor…

Never again…Kahlua and s'mores at 1am just do not mix…Oh…Head…She sat up…

Hmmn…Bernadette's up…Amy's up…I can guess where…She looked over to where Lilly was sound asleep on mattress…

God, she even sleeps elegantly…She looked for the clock…

Hmmn…Eight?...

Am?...

Whoa…Thanks guys, whichever of you made sufficient noise to wake me at this ungodly…

Oh, right…Alarm…Big day…

OH…Geesh…

Big bad day…She eyed the sleeping Lilly…

Gotta get up before she does…Go see Leonard even if I promised not to…Something's gotta be…

Hmmn…She glanced over…Woulda thought an astronaut?...Is it net for a girl?...Woulda hopped right up on an alarm for a day like today…

Too much Kahlua…She rose, groaning audibly…

Sorry…She hissed…

Hmmn…Nothing…

I guess she's learned to sleep through…She blinked at the bottle by Lilly's mattress…

My, those look like…She moved closer, picking up and pulling on a robe dropped by her mattress the night before…

Oh, yeah…She read the label…

Sleeping pills…An empty bottle of…

"Lilly!?...Lilly!?...Oh, my God!..." she grabbed the slender girl, shaking…

Ooof!...She groaned at Lilly's sudden blow…Sharp cry in Chinese, vicious look…

"Penny?..." Lilly, now awake, staring… "What the hell were you doing?!...Penny, I'm sorry…Are you ok?..."

Maybe I misinterpreted things between her and Amy?...I thought the galoot's poor repressed honey was the one either hinting at bisexual openness or cleverly keeping a close eye on her nemesis or both…

"Penelope, really not into this sorta thing, sweetie…" she noted… "Sorry about the instinctive response, though…"

"What?...No…Lilly…" Penny in mid-groan held up the empty bottle… "I thought you'd taken these…"

"Yeah?...I did take two…I couldn't sleep…Oh…" Lilly nodded after a brief consideration… "Thought I'd decided to take the short exit, eh?..." smile… "No, not yet, honey…Though I'm not adverse to the easy way out…"

"But where's…?" Penny shook the bottle…

"Like I say…I'm not adverse to the easy way…They're safe, in case I should want them later on…But where's there's still life, I say hang on by your long exquisitely manicured fingernails…" grin…

"You have them…Just in case…?"

"Beating to death musses and really hurts, however good Raul Julia looked in 'Kiss of the Spider Woman' after his workover…" Lilly noted… "As does burial alive ala 'Shanghai Triad'…And death by gang rape isn't much fun and likewise can muss one really bad…" wan smile… "Sorry if my lack of heroism disappoints you…"

"I was just scared you mighta…" Ow…She felt her stomach…

"Howie would never forgive himself…So, no…Not here, anyway…" smile, then concerned look… "You sure you're ok?..."

"Yeah…Where did you learn…?"

"Labor camp…It becomes an instinctive thing when someone makes a move on you every night while sleeping…Though actually it was Howie who looked up the move for me on 'Legends of Kung Fu' years ago…Sorry if I hurt you…"

"No, it's ok…But about those pills…"

"Where they won't find them…Easily…" smile…

"Lilly, this is insane…You can't just go and let them kill you…Or worse…"

Frown…"They won't hand over my guys without me in exchange…Penelope, we done been through this and it's my own business…"

"I could tell Howard…" Penny eyed her… "He'd never let you do this…"

"Penelope…You don't want me to go all Canton over your ass…" Lilly frowned… "I could leave you all Vulcan nerve pinch paralyzed for days and poor Leonard worrying and all…Plus the medical bills would louse up your wedding plans…"

Penny, stern look… "You're lyin'…You look just like Howard when he lies like that about his kung fu moves…"

"Fine…" sigh… "Ok…I can't paralyze you…" hard stare… "But I won't let my family suffer, not even to spare Howie grief over a friend…Don't make me hurt you or worse…Because that I can do…I mean it, Penny…My back-up plan for my break at the science module if they forced me to have a partner up there was to blow the hatch and toss the guy or gal into space…One of the teammates I'd trained with for years…Don't press me here…If you wanna scream and yell after they got me and the family's ok, fine…It might even help…But not before…"

"Please at least let me talk to Leonard…" Penny pleaded… "He might know what to do…"

They eyed each other…Giggling after a second…

"Sorry…He's a sweet guy…Really…" Lilly, shaking head…

"He still might surprise us…He has me, from time to time…Howard does…Constantly these days…Look, please…I promise we won't do anything that will endanger your family…"

Hesitant pause, shrug…"Well, since you're gonna tell him no matter what I say…And I don't want to explain how your body has my claw marks…"

"I'm not as easy to take out as you might think, sweetie…" Penny frowned…"Let me try…For Howard's sake…If you love him, don't let him blame himself…You know he will…"

Sigh, reluctant shake of head…"Not a word to Howie…Or I'll just claim you Yankee running dogs of imperialism are tryin' to snatch me from the tender arms of the Motherland for your nefarious capitalist purposes…" grin…

"Exactly…" Penny nodded, grin… "And where's there life…But where are those pills, Lilly?..." hard stare…

"Tickling my fancy…So to speak…" smile… "Thank God I'll be standing most of today…"

"Oh…Hello Leonard…"

"Amy?..." Leonard stared at her in the hallway as he carried a glass of juice, making for the couch… "Did you just come over?..."

"Why…Yes…" she beamed… "Sheldon called to say he was feeling ill…So I came over…A short time ago…"

Well that explains the Star Trek doc's uniform…He considered…

Geesh…She does look kinda…He eyed her in the trim blue…

No…Lets not go there, Hofstadter…

"You're up early…And no Penny with you?..." she regarded him…

"She's still sleeping back at her place…Say, did you guys by any chance…Before opting for Star Trek nighties…Talk about Penny's little Howard fixation last night?...I mean her previous, now over Howard fixation?..."

"Hmmn?...No…" Amy shook head…"But I'm pleased to hear you feel it's over and have discussed it with her…I'm sure with honesty and open discussion these feelings can be dealt with…In time…"

"I think Penny's worked it out…"

"Perhaps…But given how well matched excepting physique she and Howard were, and his hero status drawing her ET-worshipping soul like a magnet draws iron fillings I would be hesitant to call it over just yet…"

"She accepted my proposal…"

"Yes…Well…" Amy shrugged… "Not meaning to trash talk my bestie…She can find it difficult to maintain even a solemn vow of fidelity given her physical endowments and charms…The girl can't help it, Leonard…"

"I'm sure she'll manage…" frown…

"Blind love is beautiful…" she nodded… "But please know Sheldon and I stand ready to support you two…Knowing as I do that Penny does love you more than anyone else in this world…"

"Amy?..." he smiled at her, taking seat… "That's very sweet of you, thanks…"

"Though again in her situation that may not count for all that much…" she reflected… "But we have our Pavlovian bag of tricks at hand whenever you require them…I know and have her confirmatory signature that it's what she'd want…"

"Thanks…"

He hesitated… "Any idea why Bernadette took off and came here so early, if Penny didn't say anything?...Did she and Lilly have a fight?...She said she didn't but…"

Nod…"Wise of you to doubt her veracity…Bernadette is the type to keep savage catfights for the man she loves in the family…But no, not that I was aware of… In fact, Bernadette and I slept in the living room after our wild night of Kahlua and s'mores-fed indulgence…And we had no reason to catfight…Savagely…" Pause…

"I guess so…" he sipped his juice… "But something's…What?..." he regarded her stare…

"I believe it's a tradition Sheldon has established to provide a hot beverage to guests…" she noted, careful stare…

"Hmmn?...Oh, I'm sorry…There's coffee in the kitchen…"

"Yes…" she nodded, waiting…

"You'd like some?..." he said, finally…Eyeing her…

"Thank you…And some tea for Sheldon too, please…"

"Right…" he rose with a sigh…

"Doctor Fowler…Medical emergency on S-deck!..." Sheldon's call…

"On my way!..." call… "Pardon me…Sheldon's in need of me…" beam…

"Damn about time…" Leonard noted…With smile at end…

"Indeed…" she nodded…Return smile…Pausing…

"Lilly, I'm sure…Not Penny…" she said… "Don't worry…"

"Thanks, Amy…" he nodded…

"Black on the coffee…Two sugars, no lemon on the tea…While he's still able to call it breakfast tea, please?..."

"Right…" he nodded…


	22. Chapter 22

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XXII…

"Don't even ask…" Penny waved a hand at Lilly's sidelong glance at Amy in Star Trek blue as they entered Leonard and Sheldon's living room, dressed in casual clothes…Though Lilly's idea of "casual" Penny thought, eyeing the designer blouse, slacks, and vest…Pulling at her own "Hello, Kitty" t-shirt with small…Very small…Hole…

"Just considering…I'll stick with red…" Lilly noted as Amy went to assist Leonard with bringing out breakfast dishes and utensils from the kitchen… "Blue's nice on her but a little washed-out for me…"

"Howie, 2001…He should still have the pics…And the uniform still fits…" she grinned… "I brought it into space in my travel bag…I'd been kinda hoping I'd wind up at the ISS for a while after my lil' escapade and have a chance to wear it…Or at least in a hotel once we got down…But there were too many crowds…"

"I said I got it that Howie was hooked…I never said I wouldn't give it my all…" she eyed Penny's look…

"Penny?..." Amy had returned with dishes… "Can you take these?...I've got to change…Sheldon just called me on cell phone from his room and he's concerned my sexual attraction index will be too high for the males in our pride…"

"Hubba-hubba, girl…He's right…" Lilly grinned… "I just saw Hofstadter giving you the once-over…"

"Understandable…" nod… "Sorry, bestie…I should have considered…Be right back…" Amy turned, pausing…

"Unless of course…" wink… "We're preoccupied…"

"Ok…" Penny, nervously…

"Go get 'em, tigeress…" Lilly beamed…Waving…Amy hurrying off to Sheldon's room…

"God…I'm starting to feel like a mom trying to get over catching her kid with a girl when I catch them in something nowadays…" Penny sighed… Quick glance Leonardward…

His eyes better be firmly fixed upon breakfast preparations…Good…

"You have that maternal thing goin'…" Lilly nodded… "And Leonard's clearly 'dad' to this merry band…"

"Really?..." Penny beamed… "We're 'mom and dad'?..."

"And you got nice kids, Mrs. H…" Lilly patted her shoulder…

"What?..." Leonard had come out…Bearing mugs and bowls…

"Nothing, 'dad'…'Father'…" Penny corrected, happily…

Hmmn?...

We're not gonna go getting kinky in front of our famous guest, are we?...He stared…

"Any sign of Howard and Bernadette?..." Penny asked…

"She took him out a while ago…To give him Heck over something…Not back yet…"

"Helloooo…" an emergent Raj, entering in robe and slippers, choking off on sight of the girls…

"Medium, dark, and silent…" Lilly nodded…

"So…'Father'…Shall we get about gettin' breakfast for the kids?..." Penny urged, moving to Leonard…

"Uh…Sure…What?..." he blinked at her…She pulling him along…

"Gotta talk to you…Soon as we can get alone…" she hissed…

"Did we have a nice time last night?..." Lilly, to Raj, motioning him to a seat near her as she took seat on the couch… "Why yes, thanks, we girls surely did, kicking ass level…"

He sheepishly nodding and smiling…

"My bedroom's free now…" Leonard hissed back…She giving him sour look…

I said talk, idiot…

"We can talk there, too…" he, reading her look to her repressed pleasure…

Father gets Mother without a word being said…Naturally…

Oh, this is gonna work…It really is…I can see us on the porch in our rockers right now…Back from skiing in Switzerland after he gets that Noble prize thingy…Old Sheldon fumin' in his rocker to Amy…"Dagnabit, I was supposed to win…" bang of cane on floor… "Eh, Moonpie?..." Amy pretending her hearing aid is off…

"Penny?..."

"Oh, ok…Lets go…" she nodded…

He'll look so cute all round and white-haired…Us both with stomach troubles, comparing which brand of antacid/antigas we like best…

Complainin' how the kids never call these days…

"How's about Morse Code?..." Lilly offered… "I do that with my brother sometimes…"

Raj looking rather relieved, nodding…Yes…Eagerly…

"Ok…" she smiled…Tapping on the coffee table…

"Back in a mo…" Leonard called…Staring at Lilly rapping on his table…Raj contentedly rapping back…

"So Howie used to test the barcounters at each place before happy hour to find the ones requiring least rapping effort?..." she eyed Raj… "Then send out general propositions in Morse?..." giggle… "That is so my Howie…Practical and lewd…" Raj shrugging and smiling in agreement, rapping… "Take your time, guys, we'll check the eggs…" she called to them…Rapping back…

"Tractor beam engaged…" "Locked on target…!" cries from Sheldon's room…Penny eyeing Leonard, Leonard, Penny, with worried look…

"Just pretend you heard nothing, honey…" she suggested…Patting him…

Sometimes the best thing a good parent can do…

"So?..." Leonard eyed Penny…

"Lilly's turning herself over to the Chinese…For her family's release…"

"What?...But…"

"Leonard, didn't Howard tell you…This was all staged…Well, not Howard saving her but the 'accident' in space…She was trying to get them to release her and family…But they're demanding her back in exchange…Leonard…They will kill her…Or worse…"

"My God…But does Howard…?"

"He doesn't know…At least Lilly hasn't told him that they've refused to let her go…And she doesn't want him to know…"

"Can't she just refuse to go?…They can't touch her here…"

"That guy and the other could…Besides, they won't let her family go till she's back with them…We gotta do something, Leonard…" she insisted…

"Are you sure about this?...Lilly is very determined to get Howard…" he eyed her… "Maybe she's not above trying to worry him into something…?"

"She hasn't told him…She doesn't want him to know…"

"She told you…"

"I guessed…She admitted…Leonard, I believe her…"

"Ok…Fine…But she's gonna be on the ISS in a month or so…She'll land with Howard three months later and be picked up…Her family will be safe here…Where's the problem?..."

"They won't let her go on the mission…She'll be too sick on account of death or torture…"

"Seriously?..."

"Seriously…" she nodded… "And I believe that too…Leonard, can't you come up with something?...For me, please.."

"Me…?"

"And the other guys, if you want…Leonard, what if it were me?..."

"You, a famed astronaut/engineer back from a historic space rescue?...Saved by Howard?...At risk from agents of a foreign power?..." grin…

"Giving you the chance to outshine him…" she eyed him…

"I'll try and think of something…" he nodded… "You did get that I didn't include 'beautiful' with 'famed'…?"

"Noted and retained in your favor…" she nodded, patting him…


	23. Chapter 23

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XXIII…

"Hey…" Lilly looked up from where she still sat on Leonard and Sheldon's sofa, engaged in Morse tapping with Raj to beam at the entering Howard, in robe, slippers, and pyjamas, followed by Bernadette in nightie, sneakers, and robe…

"There's our Hugh Hefner and wife…You two wild kids were missed…Breakfast is set, soon as our other couples decide they've reached nirvana…" grin to Raj…

"Hey, come and sit by me, you ravishing creature…" wave to Howard…Bernadette giving frowning nod to his brief glance…

She tasks me…She tasks me…But I know it's despair, not triumph in those beautiful eyes…

Besides, it's true…And there is, thank the Holy Mother, a little corner of me that can appreciate my fellow Sister of the Order of Wolowitz who could see that our Howie is a ravishing creature before any but us could…And a corner that is unselfishly grateful there could be someone else to care for him if anything ever happens to me…

A very little corner, maybe…But…

"I just been hearing how you taught Raj how to talk dirty in Morse…" Lilly began, to Howard…Raj, sheepish look…

Yes…And I'm lucky…That she loves him that much…That unselfishly…Bernadette thought, sitting with Howard… 'Cause if it were me, facing what she's facing…

And I was the one who'd loved him first, who'd loved him all my life…

As I will…

I'd kill the bitch…And to hell with my trapped family…

"Anything wrong, Sheldon?..." Leonard, seated in living room chair, eating, eyed him…

"Sweetheart?..." Amy, worried look at his slight groan, hurried set down of plate…

"Looks to me like someone got his BM schedule thrown off this morning…I wonder how that could've happened…" Leonard, archly…

"Shut up…" Amy, coldly…Narrow stare…Helping Sheldon to his feet…

"Come on, Moonpie…Lets get you to the bathroom…It'll be fine…" she led him carefully…Another harsh glare at Leonard who gave a sheepish shrug…

"God, you think she's going to be doing that a lot?..." he mused…

"Sticking up for the guy she loves…?" Lilly, sardonic look… "I'd say yeah…"

"I was only teasing…"

Loud groan from bathroom…

"Sheldon Cooper deferring his morning movement for sex…I have seen everything…" Howard shook his head…

"Well, Leonard was only teasing…" Penny noted… "Even if it was a pretty poor tease…"

Leonard, disappointed look…

"I'll stick up for you but I'm not gonna cover for you saying stupid things…" she noted…

"A schedule's actually not such a bad idea in space at least…" Lilly noted… "It can be difficult to keep things running smoothly in near zero-G…Though thank God there'll be two of us who know how to fix the Wolowitz Special…" grin…

"It's been running perfectly the last couple of years…" Bernadette frowned…

"Pepto bismol!..." Amy cried, sticking her head out of the bathroom…

"Sheldon's got a three year supply in his room…" Leonard called back…

"Exhausted…Do we have any more?..."

"What?...How'd that…?"

"I SAID, WHERE'S THE PEPTO BISMOL!..." Amy, emerging, slamming door, furiously eyeing Leonard…All staring at her…

"My room, bedside table…Amy, I wasn't being sarcastic…I was just…"

Slam of Leonard's room door…

Amy emerging a moment later, bottle in hand…

"He wasn't being mean, Amy…" Penny called…

"Ok, sorry…" hasty wave as Amy disappeared into the bathroom, clutching bottle…

"Thanks…" Leonard nodded…

"I expect similar support the next time I do a musical or Anne Frank over a bowling alley…" Penny noted…

"Welcome to the club…" Howard grinned at Leonard…

"What's that?..." Bernadette looked at the bathroom door…From which a strange sound was emerging…

"She's singing 'Soft Kitty' to him…" Penny beamed… "That's so…In spite of how it sounds…Sweet…"

"'Soft Kitty'?..." Lilly stared… "As in 'warm kitty, soft kitty, little ball of fur?...' or…" She switched to Mandarin… "That's 'Warm Kitty'…Howie?..."

Oh, God…Bernadette sighed…Don't tell me…

"English kiddie's song…Sheldon's Meemaw had her own version…" Howard explained…

"Howie…Howard…" Penny, correcting with smile… "Did you use 'Soft Kitty' on Lilly?..."

"No…" Lilly frowned… "I used to sing it to him over the Net when he told me he'd got bullied to a bloody pulp…But we used the original…"

All looking at each other…

"Howie…" Leonard, solemnly, grinning… "You never told us you got 'Soft Kitty''d…?"

"Shut up…" Bernadette, Lilly in chorus…Narrow glares…

Geesh…Penny, a bit down…He doesn't like "Kitty"?...

And here I was gonna start using it next time he was sick…

Lilly, Penny, Amy, and Bernadette having gone to change for the ceremonies commencing that afternoon…A recovered Sheldon requested a moment's conversation with Howard as Raj and Leonard likewise went to change…

"If this is about Lilly telling you she does the song too, I think an Englishwoman holds the 'Warm Kitty' copyright…" Howard noted…

"Hmmn?...Oh…Yes, I had Meemaw copyright her version five years ago…Not a problem, though it would have been a bit disturbing if it had been you and not Lilly choosing the song…No, I'm asking to speak to you about Penny and Lilly…"

"Uh-huh?...Is this about Leonard thinking Penny has…?" grin…

"No…This is about Penny having a crush on you…Or do they call it something else now?…I don't always keep up with slang…Amy is my guide there…"

"And a great resource she must be…" Howard nodded solemnly…

"Thank you…You know, Howard…Your appreciation of Amy stands well with your recent heroism…I have to say if Leonard ever dies or moves to another continent you are now first on my short list of potential best friend replacements…Non-marital ones, of course…Amy naturally being my best friend, marital…"

"Thanks…Penny?...A 'crush' on me?...You think so too?..."

"Oh, Amy and I have established it beyond all doubt, although we believe Leonard's recent proposal has blunted your attraction for her severely…Strictly a reflection of your recent acquisition of heroic fame and her past repressed interest in you…"

"Say what?..."

"Do you mean…How Leonard's proposal nipped her passion for you in the bud?…Or how your recent acquisition of fame and her past…?"

"Right there at…'Past'?...Sheldon?..." Howard stared… "Are you suggesting Penny liked me before?...You mean, after I straightened out after Bernie, right?..."

"Not really, though I imagine she uses that as part of her self-excuse in allowing herself to feel for you…She clearly was attracted to you long before…"

"No way…She hated me…Well, maybe not hate, hate… But I know women and Penny…"

"Obviously, given your past incredible lack of success given your incredibly numerous attempts, you did not 'know women'…Though your knowledge may have increased in the last few years regarding one woman, namely Bernadette…As has mine regarding Amy…Though she remains largely an enigma…I like enigmas…Both as a word and for themselves…" beam…

"Yeah…Penny was attracted to me?..."

"Not surprising in retrospect…You both tried to lead promiscuous sexual lifestyles with mixed results and little satisfaction, you both took a falsely cynical view of relationships while secretly desperate for something meaningful, though Penny could never repress her warmth and maternal instincts…nor you your genuine concern and eagerness for love, you both made incredibly poor judgments on potential mates until respectively Leonard and Bernadette appeared on your respective scenes…If neither had shown, I don't see how you could've avoided an eventual hooking-up…Clandestinely of course…Penny never being willing until your space flight to admit to a relationship with you…"

"Really?..." blink… "You really see that?..."

"Logic dictates it…And she blurted quite a bit while undergoing positive and negative reinforcement to curb her passion for you…"

"Wow…Fascinating, huh?..."

"Like Spock, 'fascinating' is a word I reserve for the unexpected…Since, as I've noted, it was perfectly logical based on observation for two people as alike as you to eventually as they say, 'hook-up'…I should think 'interesting' quite suffices…"

"Not that I'm…Interested or anything, you understand…It's just…"

"Naturally…Given your low self-esteem…And wise realization that your current fame is not built on a solid foundation of accomplishment…"

"Ah, now there's the Sheldon I knew…Welcome back, buddy…"

"I didn't say you have no solid accomplishments, Howard…You've done what we…Leonard, Rajesh, myself…Only dreamed of doing…And your telescope work is likely to leave an enduring legacy…Plus you may actually find yourself standing on the Martian surface one day, with all the endless possibilities that could offer…And while Humanity and Science might be much better served by having a true scientist in your place…"

"Ok…" Howard put up a hand… "I will accept the rather qualified compliment…Now as to this nonsense about Penny…She is over it, isn't she?..."

"Hmmn…We think so…She reached an epiphany with Leonard in the comic book store…An amazing feat…Rather like seeing that one in a million monkey begin to type out 'Hamlet'…Amy is certain she's over you…"

Howard shaking head… "I think I find it even harder to believe that she turned to you two for help…"

"It's what we're here for…" Sheldon, matter-of-factly… "Our role in this little social pond…"

"So then…What…?"

"On the Penny front, I just wanted to warn you to be careful not to upset the delicate balance in Leonard's favor…If you could avoid any more major heroics in the next few days or weeks?..."

"Generally not a problem, Sheldon…"

"Yes…Generally…Which brings me to the subject of Lilly…Who's clearly in terrible danger…"


	24. Chapter 24

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XXIV…

Presidential reviewing stand…Cal Tech…Mid afternoon…

A rather sheepish Howard in robes and mortarboard, standing on the large stage, next to the Presidential podium, flanked by Lilly likewise gowned and hatted, and Bernadette…President Siebert and Dr. Gablehauser, various other faculty and distinguished alumni including the eminent doctors Hofstadter, Koothrappali, and Cooper, seated on the stage facing the standing group…The larger audience, including Penny and the equally eminent to the boys but neither-spacey or physicsey Dr. Fowler, seated on the lawn in front of the stand…A goodly mix of reporters and security personnel, including US Secret Service and Chinese Special Services agents, scattered among the crowd…

Lilly, tight grip on Howard, tense but offering a beaming smile to the crowd…"Where are they?..." she hissed… "They're supposed to be here…"

"They'll be here or there's no deal…And they want the deal…" Howard hissed back… "You know that…It'll be fine, I promise…"

"Liar…I love you…" hiss… "Sorry...Nerves…I'll be good…"

"Soright…I'll take it in the brotherly sense…"

"Kinky…I could go incest…"

"IfIcanhearyou, otherscan…" Bernadette, grumbling softly…But extending hand…

"Sorry…" Lilly… "They're not here…" gripping the proffered hand…

"They will be…" Bernadette, squeezing back…

"I don't see Lilly's family…" Leonard hissed to Sheldon…

"Not unless they look remarkably nonChinese…" Sheldon nodded…

"Are they welching on the deal, you think?..."

"My field's advanced particle physics not mind-reading or political science…"

"Thanks, Sheldon…" glare…

"Just being clear that I can't answer that question…And we should be prepared…"

"Ok…"

"We won't let wrong be done, Leonard…At least not without a fight…" firm whisper…

"Us?..." Raj cut in…

"We have the whole world watching, we're sure to win the sympathy vote…"

An agent in suit advanced over to President Siebert, whispering to his ear…Siebert nodding and on the agent's leaving, moving to Howard and Lilly…

"Dr. Peng?...There was a little delay getting your family here…Traffic from the airport…" Siebert noted… "But they're coming in now…We'll get underway as soon as they come up here…"

"Thanks…" she nodded…

Howard holding her arm as she swayed a bit…

"Guess the blood O2 wasn't quite what it should be after all, eh?..." she grinned at him, tears dripping…

"Makeup, Pengy…" he hissed… "You're spoiling my effect…"

"Right…Can't have the hot Asian mistress looking down at heel…" nudge…

Shrugging grin to Bernadette… Who sighed…Wan smile… "Tole you it would be ok…"

"You're aces, Rostenkowski…Take care of him for me…"

"Sadly…You're not goin' anywhere…" Bernadette hissed back…Squeeze…

"Besides, I need someone else to ferry him around to the dentist and such somedays…"

"I'd've lived on such moments…Thanks…" smiling hiss back…

"Can the Asian stoicism…" Bernadette frowned, harsh whisper… "And stop milking the pathos…You know as well as I do, we're not letting anything happen…"

"Oh, don't do this Bernie…" Lilly hissed… "Don't get me hoping…I won't be able to do this…"

"Girls…" Howard, sternly…

A van made its way through the crowd blocking the road to the stand…

"Maybe if I grab Obama's legs and whimper…?" Lilly, teasing, to Howard…

He felt the death grip on his hand…Her face taut… "It will be all right…But I'll do that…I'm a better actress…"

"Don't forget me…" she whispered, harshly… "I'll haunt you…When poor Bernie's not around…"

"It will be all right…" he repeated… "You believed me once, believe me again…"

"Look…" he pointed…

"That's them…" she said, calmly…Shaking suddenly…As the van disgorged a group of Chinese men, women, and children, eleven in all…Rather grim-looking Chinese men in overcoats around them, leading them to the stage…

"Hey…" she smiled at the first of the group…Nearly collapsing, Howard signaling to Bernadette to help hold her up…

"I see them…There they are…" Penny noted to Amy whose view was blocked… "Oh, Amy…" her voice shaking…

"It's going to be fine…" Amy, serenely… "Sheldon, Leonard, Howard, Bernadette, and Rajesh are there…And we're here…"

"You're the best, bestie…" pat… "Oh…Don't you ever leave me…"

"I couldn't…Sheldon's far too dependent on Leonard to ever live far from him…I'm afraid I'm doomed to be a perpetual inhabitant of Leonardville, so long as I love Sheldon…Which is always…" smile…

"Ma…" Lilly reached out to hug the frail-looking, grey-haired, sixtyish woman approaching her…A tall, awkward young man behind the mother…

"You, Wolowitz?...Poor job on the telescope calibration run…" the tall man eyed him…

"Nice to meet you, too, Xu…" Howard nodded, grin to Bernadette…

"Thanks for saving sis…" nod…

"Anytime…"

"Who's the gangly fellow with Howard?..." Sheldon asked Leonard as they watched, they and the seated group applauding the reunion politely…

"Unless I miss my guess, that's Lilly's brother Xu…" Leonard replied, eyeing Xu…

Oh, yeah…The Chinese have made their own Sheldon…He eyed Raj with grin…Raj nodding…

"Pres…President Siebert…" Lilly, desperately trying to find a way to recover composure…Vise grip on Howard… "My family…"

"…And some 'friends'…" she eyed the agents around them…

"Very nice to meet you…So what'll it take to get you in Cal Tech's math and computer science department, Xu?..." Siebert, hasty shake to the puzzled group, cutting quickly to the chase…

"I like boats…MIT offered me a boat…" Xu, shrugging…

"I knew I should have asked for a train…" Sheldon frowned… "At least a sleeper car for my office…"

Leonard staring…

"Well, lets be seated…" Siebert urged…Nodding to an official and stepping to the podium…

"Ladies and gentlemen…As President of the California Institute of Technology…It gives me great pleasure to welcome you and our many distinguished guests, faculty, alumni, family, and the greater family of the whole world…"

"Ma wants to kiss you…" Lilly hissed to Howard… As Bernadette moved to allow the mother to pass…He nodding, bending over Lilly… "Ma" Peng grabbing him in bear hug…

"Ma…" Lilly…As Siebert continued…

"Li?...Move it…"

Lilly sliding past her mother…Who kept tight hold of Howard…Lilly keeping Bernadette

"I thought you were a bad influence on this brat of mine…But you're all right…" the old woman smiled, faint whisper… Quick pleading look…"Don't let them hurt my little girl any more…"

"I won't…" he nodded, equally faint…Waving to a couple of family members who were eagerly looking his way…Lilly, now slid to Bernadette's opposite side to speak to a shifting line-up of family members…But keeping a renewed tight grip on Bernie's other hand…

"Nice Catholic girl you married…" grim stare…

"You wouldn't even let me speak to Li…Even after I helped Uncle Bo…" he noted, grinning… "It was harder to get round you than the Chinese government firewalls…"

"That's called a challenge…Howard?..." anxious look…

"I won't let her be hurt again…"

"Good…And find her someone nice…"

"I'll do my best…"

"And be good to your mother…She's suffering, I should know…"

"Yes, Ma…" grin…

"I wish…" she gave him a sad, shrewd look, patting his cheek…Lilly looking sideways back to them…

Sliding past her mother…Eyeing them carefully…

"Xu says…"

"He's here…" Ma Peng nodded…

"Fang…" Lilly, trembling a bit…Glance at Howard… Nervous, brittle smile… "Nothing like a visit from an old boyfriend…" clutching at his hand…

"Ladies and Gentlemen…The President of the United States and the Vice-President of the People's Republic of China…" Siebert solemnly intoned…


	25. Chapter 25

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XXV…

"My God, she's prettier than she is on the TV…Bernadette, you better watch that son of mine with her on that space station thing…How long are they gonna be up there?..." stage whisper intensity…

"Three to six months, Ma…It's not certain yet…" Bernadette, seated by Mrs. Wolowitz, carefully noted…Bracing for volume increase…

"Six months!..." incredulous shriek…Notable strain to careful chosen heavy duty folding chair…

The President of the United States smoothly managing to continue his praise of Howard without a break… "Howard Wolowitz, you typify everything…"

"Ma!...Please…The President's speaking…" Bernadette, hiss…Trying to ignore various stares their way…

"Sorry…" Whisper…Barely so… "But you gotta get up there with him…Make him make them take you too, he's a hero, like Lindbergh before he became a rotten Nazi…Heros can do that…God, she reminds me of when Howard used to talk to this Chinese girl on the computer all the time…Kinda chubby girl, I think, but pretty…And did she have her hooks in him…That's how he learned that Mandarin…"

"So he told me…" Bernadette, brittle smile…

"Well, you take care with that one…And don't be afraid ta pull a few strings…Alls fair in love…And the other thing bites…" smile…

"Right…" genuine smile back… "But Howie won't let me down…"

"Course not…I just mean for your own piece of mind…Sides, up there you two will find the cure for cancer or something…Madame Curie…" smile…Pat…

"I'm on it, Ma…" grin…

"What?…" she grinned at Howard's look, he seated next to her…

"They gonna keep us all afternoon, couldn't they give us a little water?..." Mrs. Wolowitz noted, smoothing dress…Chair groaning slightly but holding…

"Ma?...Water?..." Bernadette…Puckish look…

"You're right, you're right…I'd be running for the powder room right on the TV…I shoulda gone with the Depends for a special occasion like this…"

"If she's got the family here, why can't she just stay, frig the deal…?" Penny in the crowd watching, seated next to Amy, hissed…

"I understand the itinerary is for her to go home, to meet with Chinese Mission Control…And there seem to be a good number of Chinese agents ready to make her go…"

"So?...Just take the mike and tell the world she's staying…What are they gonna do, shoot it out with our guys?..."

"It may not be her whole family here now…I don't know…But Howard has a plan…And Sheldon is there to correct the flaws and make it workable…" Amy noted…

Smile… "You gotta good one there, Fowler…"

"Yours is right up there too, bestie…"

"This inspiration you and Dr. Peng have provided to the world…" the President continued…

"Who's that with the Chinese officials…?" Leonard hissed to Sheldon as they sat in their spot on the stand with the Cal Tech faculty and distinguished alumni…

"Can you be a little more specific…The President, his staff and agents, the crowd of nonChinese, Howard?..."

"I mean the Chinese guy scowling at Lilly…The scary-looking tall guy with the eyebrows…"

"Oh, that's Minister Fang…I believe he runs the Armed Forces Division of the People's Government that runs the Space Authority…Lilly's Boss of Bosses, so to speak…"

"Wow…He doesn't look too pleased…"

"His road to the top is littered, sometimes literally, with the bodies of his enemies…Aerospace Physics Journal calls him the 'Don Michael Corleone' of Chinese Space Flight…"

"Not a good guy for Lilly to have pissed at her…"

"An apt if earthy summation…Yes…"

"Fang couldn't resist coming, I guess…" Lilly, seated on his opposite side from Bernadette, noted to Howard… "Have a last crack at me before I'm outta reach, eh?..."

"Hang in there, Pengy…" he whispered…

"Goddamn Bernadette for sayin' …She promised…"

"I already guessed…But you're goin' nowhere…"

"You've done all you could…Howie, you can't save me here…"

"'We've lived in fear…Now we can live in hope'…Annie…" squeeze…

"Shhh…I never told Bernie you called me that…" she whispered…

"But he did, Ms. Frank…" Bernadette…Wry grin…

"Vus machs da?..." Mrs. Wolowitz, medium whisper…

"Megillah tummel, Ma…" Bernadette hissed back… "I'll explain later…"

"So it is her…I thought so…" wry smile… "Tell her it'll be ok, a bl gezunt…And I'm sorry I called her a tchotchka that time I caught them on the computer…"

Bernadette, grin back…Urging quiet as the US President, finished, moved to his seat and Chinese Vice President Zhang Lu now approached…Flanked by Minister Fang, other advisors, and guards…President Siebert again at the podium…

"Dr. Li Peng…" friendly smile…She returning a brittle beam…Accepting his hand…Fang to his left, non-committal expression… "It's good to have you back with us…I trust your family is well…"

"Yes…Thanks for bringing them all, Mr. Vice President…" she nodded…Tense look to Fang who ignored her, politely addressing himself to her mother…Who took his offered hand gingerly…

"Not a problem, dear sister…" Zhang smiled warmly…Moving to face Howard…

"Howie Wolowitz…Man of the hour…" beam…Hearty handshake… "China is very grateful to you, Doctor…"

"A few minutes yet, sir…" Howard smiled…

"Peng…" Minister Fang acknowledged her…She simply staring at him… "Glad to know you made out so well…" sudden, toothy grin…Immediately back to noncommittal look…

"Thank you, Minister…" she coolly replied…Nodding…

"Well, this must be your wife, Dr. Rostenkowski…" Zhang had moved to Bernadette… "Thanks for letting your boy help out our girl, sweetheart…" he smiled…"He's quite a fella…I'm sure you must be quite a girl…We're all very grateful to him…"

"I'm very proud of him…Thank you, Mr. Vice President…"

"Wolowitz…" Fang gave Howard the same quick smile… "Nice job…"

"Minister…Thanks…" Howard nodded…

"Hope things go equally well on the upcoming mission…" Fang went on… "We're eager to start our role at the ISS…"

"I'm looking forward to it, sir…"

"Lets hope Li Peng is up to the job…"

"I know she is, Minister…"

Another quick flash of teeth…Zhang now busy greeting Mrs. Wolowitz…Bernadette giving Howard a quick, nervous glance…

"Doctor…" Fang had reached Bernadette… "Hope this hasn't all been too hard on you…Our girl behave herself?..."

"She's a fine woman…We're good friends now…"

"Excellent…Well, hopefully the coming separation won't be too hard on you and Howard…I know what separation can be like…" cool smile…

"We'll manage…"

"I'm sure…And who knows…Perhaps things won't be so tough up there at that…" Fang noted…

"I'm sure Dr. Peng and Howard will be fine…They're a good team…"

"Lets hope so…One never can tell how things will work out…"

Stepping back to join group as the Vice President was urged to the podium…

"Howie…?" she squeezed his hand…

"I heard…Don't worry…"

"Nah…Get that son of a bitch whatever it takes…" she hissed…


	26. Chapter 26

"The Chinese Prisoner…"

Summary: A surprisingly modest Howard has returned to a global hero's welcome after an incredible space feat…But he brought some baggage home…

Disclaimer: All that is Chuck's is Chuck's…

Part XXVI…

Vice President Zhang Lu speaking at podium, rather charming in his folksy manner, a rotund, dapper fellow of friendly countenance…

"Our lovable lil' Khrushchev…" Lilly joked to Howard in whisper…Smiling while nervously gripping his hand…

Bernadette glancing to her side past Howard and Lilly to see Lilly's family…All eyeing Minister Fang as he stood with his assistants, attending the Vice President's speech, he addressing an occasional word to the US officials near him…

The Vice President, finishing with a friendly line in Mandarin, declaring Dr. Howard Wolowitz a noble man of the heart and a welcome friend, brother, and honorary citizen of the great People's Republic…

"So much for the years I labored on my dissertation…" Sheldon frowned…

"Oh, please…You told me you practically wrote it in your sleep and during down time on video gaming while you were working on the real stuff that interested you…"

"It's the principle of the thing, Leonard…And you might have expressed appreciation of the solidarity I was expressing toward you and all the others who actually had to labor to get enough thought on paper for a degree…"

"Thanks…" glare…

"No problemo, dude…" shrewd nod…

Minister Fang stepped to the podium and now began his own speech on the glorious future of space partnership and cooperation…His rather icy delivery muting the enthusiastic nature of his words…

"Are you henjoying der Fuehrer's speech?..." Lilly hissed to Howard…

"May his words life for a thovsand years…" Howard returned…

"It'll be ok…" she nodded…Hand squeeze… "They'll squawk a little but I'll land on my feet…It was just nerves…Thanks for the support, I'll be fine…"

"Liar…" he hissed… "Leave it to me, Pengy…"

"You're so cute when you're all 'take charge', you good-rooking randy lil' Jewish boy…" smile…  
"Whatever happens, whether you want me or not, I'm yours beyond death, Howard Wolowitz…" quick tense stare belying the smile…

"Are we ready for this, gentlemen…?" Leonard hissed, back at his seat on the stand…

"Not at all…" Sheldon returned… Raj sighing… "But, as much as we'll ever be…"

"Raj?..." Leonard eyed him…To nervous nod…

The NASA administrator now took stage…

"You're up next, milady…Knock 'em dead, Pengy-poo…" Howard urged…

"Yeah?...Tell me you brought nerve gas…" nervous grin…

"Too volatile and the agents all have masks…" he noted… "Just remember your endorsement contracts all hinge on this…And you've a big family to provide for…"

"And a film career post space…Say?…I never thought of that…No chance money would buy you, my love…?" hiss…

"Eh, Bernadette's family's got some…And she'll be writing a book…" grin…

"I'm scared…Howie…Tell me it'll be ok…Lie like hell…" she gasped suddenly…

"It will…"

"Tell me you'll be with me…Please…"

"No…That I can't even lie about, sweetheart…And now I know you're overacting…"

"Yeah…Tell me I can visit on holidays…?"

"Only if Bernie is around…"

"Darn tootin'…" Bernadette hissed… "But you can have the number one spot on the list of my replacements should I croke…Naturally…"

"See…Now you have a reason to live…" Howard whispered…

"I said…Naturally…" Bernie grinned…

"Damn…Well, I accept…And you promise if they hang me, you'll let Howie always remember me…" Lilly, wan smile… "You can spit on my grave once a year…"

"Shut up and get that speech together…They're giving you the two minute warning…" Bernie, firmly…Glancing at the officials nodding at them…

Fervent applause as Lilly rose…Moving to the podium at President Siebert's beckoning…Warm smile to the crowd, waving…

"There won't be another Ms. Wolowitz…" Howard noted, firmly…

"Lord knows two is enough…" Bernadette smiled…Patting his hand… "I'm so proud of you…And not a little proud of me, too…" grin… "Assumin' we pull this off…"

"If it'll help, I can faint…And in this heat…" Mrs. Wolowitz cut in…Surprisingly careful whisper…

"Stand by on that, Ma…We'll let you know…" Bernadette patted her…

"It isn't every day a girl finds her prince has come, banging on her castle door to rescue her…Thanks Howie, for banging on mine…" Lilly, at podium, concluding, beamed at him… "And thanks, so much Bernadette, for letting him…Now, lets go to Mars, together!..." she waved to the crowd, now rising to its feet… "Howie?..." she waved him over…

"Well…Here goes…" Howard rose…Nod to Bernadette…Who beamed back…

"A mensch I raised…" Mrs. Wolowitz eyed him…Smile…

"There were doubts…" Howard grinned… "Love ya, Ma…Mrs. Dr. Rostenkowski-Wolowitz…?" he bowed…

"Mr. Dr. Wolowitz-Rostenkowski…" Bernadette nodded…Patting him as he turned to move to the podium…Lilly waiting for him there…

"Ummn…Mr. President, Mr. Vice President, Minister Fang, Jim…" he nodded to the NASA administrator… "President Siebert, distinguished guests, friends…Thanks so much for the doctorates, 'cause now I can say to a very dear friend… 'Hey Sheldon, I win!'…" grin…

Sheldon…Sit…Leonard growled…

"Ummn…You've been hearing a lot today and for a few days now about heroes and heroism…Well, for what it's worth I have an idea what a hero is…I've seen them in action, every day, at NASA and on the ISS…" Howard smiled… "And I know I'm not one…As my colleagues who went up with me in the Soyuz can and eagerly do, at our get-togethers, testify…Though no way am I handing back these doctorates, sorry…" grin… "No, the hero you're looking for here is Dr. Li Peng, the bravest person I've ever known, except for one…My wife Bernadette, who was actually courageous enough to take on me and my many flaws…Me, I simply followed my training and played with an idea that several of us came up with together…Which thankfully, worked out…It was Dr. Peng who was there so far away, waiting for so long…Without much hope of rescue, it was her own courage and strength she relied on throughout that long time she was trapped…" smile at Lilly… "Yet a true hero, in her prison, facing hopelessness, abandonment, danger, and death, she never lost heart or let her spirit be quenched…I'm honored to know her and to call her my friend…A friend whose skill, ability, and grit saved her life, not me…" Grinning nod… "I was just, as my friend Dr. Sheldon Cooper would say, the doo-dads guy, who supplied a tool or two…"

"Folks…We have, thanks to her courage, the chance for a new beginning…Not only with the ISS but with space exploration in general…A chance to share the great new opportunities this new frontier offers us…And to protect those things we ought to cherish and hold dear here on good ole Terra, above all the sanctity of life…The right of all living things to enjoy safety and security and the chance to grow and develop freely…Here and in space…"

"It's truly, as Vice President Zhang noted, a new dawn…And a new spirit of cooperation…And friendship…And, if I may…Love…" smile… "And speaking of love…Nothing typifies that like the announcement which my friends…My very dear friends…Have asked me to make for them…Raj?..." Howard turned to smile at him as Raj rose…

Lilly, a bit puzzled…

Hmmn…Oh…She gave shrewd glance to Howard…

Oy…Why you lil' matchmakin' rat…

Eyeing Bernadette watching from her chair, arch grin…

You two lil' matchmakin' rats…

"My friends…Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali and Dr. Li Peng have asked me to announce their engagement…" Howard smiled…

Raj, nervously brittle smile…Stepping forward…Leonard patting him briefly…

Lilly, quick beam…Stepping to meet Raj…Taking his trembling hand without skipping a beat…With quick, wry smile…

"Thanks, kiddo…" she breathed…He nodding hastily…Smiling as broadly as he could for the suddenly jerked up cameras as the stunned audience eyed the couple now center stage by the podium…

"My friends…" Howard smiled at them… "My best buddy and my old pal…" grin… "I'm so happy for you both…And proud that Lilly Peng Koothrappali…"

"Oh, Lord…" Penny grinned to Amy… "God, I never thought I'd ever hear of another Mrs. Koothrappali …"

"I imagine Dr. and Mrs. Koothrappali in India don't either…" Amy noted… "Which may be a point in Lilly's favor…"

"…Will be joining us on the ISS as a dual Indian-Chinese citizen…Representing two great Asian powers…"

"Am I wrong or is Minister Fang getting a little green around the gills…?" Leonard whispered to Sheldon…

"This is where you kiss me, Rajy…" Lilly hissed… "Say Howie did get all the documentation from your guys, right?...License, that stuff?..."

He eyed her…

"I'm a practical gal who wants to see her thirtieth birthday…And it's a good plan…" she noted in hasty whisper as she kissed him to applause…Somewhat stilted in Minister Fang's case…A bit slow, then hearty from Lilly's family…Howard beaming…

Bernadette, sly smile to Mrs. Wolowitz…Returned…

Well played, daughter-in-law…Well played…

"So I'm getting Amy instead of Jo, eh?..." Lilly whispered to Howard as the three waved to the excited crowd…

"Until you're settled and get a divorce…" he noted, beaming to the crowd…Lilly, arm round a nervous Raj… "Though, honestly…You could do worse…"

"I know…And he looked good on 'People''s cover…" she hissed back…Leaning head on a startled Raj's shoulder…

"Raj?...We discussed this…" Howard urged…Nodding at him…Lilly pulling his arm round her waist…

Raj providing nervous pat…Nervous smile and wave…

"A little more enthusiasm beloved fiancee…We're not outta this yet, you know…" Lilly whispered…

"He's just worried what his parents will say…" Howard eyed him…

"Hey, I'm a very nice Catholic-Jewish girl…" mock frown…Then tensening… "This may not do it, Howie…" she breathed…Still smiling at the crowd…Hugging Raj…

"Hang on…Excuse me?...If I may?..." Howard waved hands for silence…

"If my fellow ordained ministers would care to come and join us?...With President Siebert's permission, Raj and Lilly have asked that the ceremony take place here, now…"

Stunned look from the crowd…Followed by eager buzz…Several Chinese agents scurrying to the now visibly scowling Minister Fang…President Siebert coming over to the three, a rather pleased beam…

"He went along?..." Lilly whispered…

"I sold it to him as fantastic PR for CalTech…" Howard noted… "Professor Peng-Koothrappali of Astrophysics…"

"You two…" Siebert, eagerly…Lilly bestowing warm smile…Nudging Raj…As did Howard…Raj offering nervous quick smile…

"Nothing like keeping it in the astronomy and astrophysics departments…Boss…" Lilly smiled…

Vice President Zhang now coming over as Leonard, Sheldon, and Bernadette…And Penny and Amy from the crowd…Howard waving for the agents blocking them to let them on stage…All came to the podium…

"Nice one, kiddo…" Zhang eyed Howard…Then Lilly…Finally Raj…

"A great day for Chinese-Indian relations, Mr. Vice-President…" Howard smiled…Lilly smiling though a bit cautiously… "Naturally Dr. Peng-Koothrappali will stay here for her mission training to be with her new husband…"

"Indeed…" Zhang eyed him, shrewd grin… "Well…Frankly I wasn't crazy about you winding up with Fang again, sweetheart…" he eyed Lilly… "My granddaughters look up to you and they'd be pissed at me to hear you ever came to some grief…All right, then…We do well enough by things…So win some, lose some…" he shrugged… "But no dramatic speeches on human rights, dear, eh?...We're cutting you a rather big break, you know…"

"She'll be good, sir…" Howard nodded… "After all, she's got a honeymoon to plan…"

Fang moving in, blocked briefly by Sheldon and Leonard in turn… "Sir?..."

"Done deal, Minister…Lets put on a happy face and cash in the chips we got…" Zhang smiled at him… "Why don't you give the bride away, if you don't mind sweetheart?..."

Lilly staring…Fang, blinking, then fuming a bit…

"And try to smile, Fang, we want to cultivate a friendlier image in the world…" Zhang turning to meet the approaching US President…

"Howie…" Lilly eyed him…As the respective "ordained ministers" formed a circle…Vice President Zhang and the US President smilingly standing by…

"You…" she sighed…"Ok…I'll give it my best and try to make him happy if I can…For your sake…" she kissed him lightly, as Raj found himself receiving a hearty Presidential and Vice Presidential handshake… Followed by a less than warm or hearty Ministerial handshake…

"After all, if you vouch for him, he's gotta be the next best choice, right?..." grin…

"He's the best choice…Bar none…Plus…He can keep you in the proper style…"

"So he told me at the mambo session, when loaded…Loaded in the delightful sense as well, eh?...That's my Howie, lookin' out for me…"

"Ah, he told you…" shrewd look… "See, he's crazy about you…He was warned he could lose his Maserati if he blabbed about the family fortune to another girl…"

Smile…

"Try…He's the best…And he needs you…"

"I like him and I said I would…" sigh… "I will…"

Howard nodded… "Though, as for his parents…You're on your own there, Pengy…"

"Great…Always lookin' out for me, Wolowitz…" she mock-frowned…

"Hey!..." Bernadette, Penny… "Lets get this show on the road…" Bernadette groused… "Ma needs to get to the ladies room and some air conditioning…" Whisper… "As for the Koothrappalis, focus on Mom, put on her TV with you, and you'll be fine…Dad'll fall in line, if not all over you…"

"Right, thanks…Rajesh?!...Stop glad-handling and get over here!..." Lilly called, in perfect imitation of Mrs. Wolowitz…Arch grin to Howard…

Mrs. Wolowitz shaking head…

Lucky at that Howard didn't hook up with her…Girl sounds like a balabusta…

Raj nervously scurrying to her…Eyeing Howard…

Thought I was doing my heroic bit here, mate…

And here I am, in the twenty-first century, agreeing to an arranged marriage…Sigh…

"Thanks…" she hissed to him, smile… "You won't regret it…Sweetheart…" hug…

On the other hand, my parents are probably happier than 99% of the couples I've seen here…He reflected… And God bless America, the land of the quickie divorce…

Though…After all…Laurie and Amy did just fine in "Little Women"…

"Amy…Don't cry…" Penny patted her…

"I can't help it…" Amy noted…Doing a bit of a jig… "I'm bridesmaid and minister in my second wedding party in two months…!"

"Doesn't this mean we'll have to do something heroic for our respective mates…?" Sheldon noted to Leonard as they waited to begin…

"Oh, probably…" Leonard, nodding…Slight sigh…


End file.
